Page 76 of Fragments of You

Her bluntness is as infuriating as it is humbling. Because deep down, maybe she’s right. Maybe my reasoning for keeping the truth from Paisley wasn’t as noble as I led myself to believe.

“What do I do, Iris? I can’t lose her.”

“I don’t think you get a say in the matter.”

“If there’s no hope, then why are you here?”

“Because you’re my friend, and as my friend, I needed you to know that she’s leaving.”

“What?” I feel like the ground beneath my feet starts to give way.

“She’s been staying at my house the last couple of days, trying to avoid everyone. Last night, she said she knew what she had to do. That she can’t be here anymore. That she can’t face Felix or Celine or even her parents for that matter.”

“Or me,” I add.

“Especially you,” she says apologetically. “She’s there now, at her parents’ house, packing her things while everyone is at work.”

“Why are you telling me all of this?”

“I just thought maybe you’d like the chance to explain your side of things, even if your reasoning is shit. You owe her that much.”

“This is Paisley we’re talking about. There’s no way she would just leave her family, her job...”

“She left early this morning to quit her job before she went to her parents. This isn’t some empty threat. She’s leaving. And I’m worried that if you don’t go see her now, you may never get the chance to tell her how sorry you are. Trust me, you don’t want to leave things unsaid. Tomorrow is never guaranteed, and living with that kind of regret will eat at you for the rest of your life.”

“I’m not sure if you’ve noticed here, Iris, but I’m already swimming in so much regret, it’s a wonder I can still keep my head above water.”

“Let’s ensure that you still can after all of this. Because despite everything, I actually care about what happens to you. Now go see her, say your goodbyes, and if you need someone when all this is over, you know where to find me.” She reaches forward, giving my hand a squeeze before releasing it. “Go.”

“Thank you, Iris. I won’t forget this,” I tell her, taking off in a run toward the house to get my keys.

I should have known that this would blow up in my face in the end. I always pay for other people’s mistakes. My mother’s, my father’s, Felix’s, but at some point, I need to own the fact that I’m also not blameless.

The choices I’ve made are mine and mine alone and at the end of the day, whatever happens will be on me.

I just hope like hell I can fix this before it’s too late.

Because if I lose her, there may be no coming back.

Paisley is the heart inside my chest. The blood that runs through my veins. The air that moves through my lungs. She is a part of my very being. Living without her is like living without a part of myself, something I have done for far too long already.

I’ve made more mistakes than I will ever be able to atone for, but that doesn’t mean I’m not worthy of forgiveness. It’s something one of the rehab counselors used to say over and over again. I’ve held on to those words like a lifeline. Because if I’m unworthy of forgiveness, then why am I even here at all? If all I will ever be are the mistakes I’ve made, then why keep fighting?

She is my reason. The reason I got clean. The reason I’ve stayed that way. And she will continue to be the reason I get out of bed every single day until my last day.

Iris may think all hope is lost, but I won’t give up. I will fight for Paisley until my dying breath if I have to because that’s what it means to love someone with your whole self.

Chapter Seventeen

Paisley

“YOU’RE HERE.” MY BACK goes rigid at the sound of my sister’s voice.

She wasn’t supposed to be here. No one was.

I planned it out so perfectly, I thought.

Saying goodbye to my work family was hard enough. I knew I wouldn’t have the strength to say goodbye to my real family, not that I consider Celine a part of that anymore.

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