Page 72 of Fragments of You

“Fifteen.” He can’t even look at me now.

“You slept with my fifteen-year-old sister when you were eighteen?” I have the sudden urge to gouge out his eyes. I never thought I’d feel that way, but now, I can’t imagine feeling anything else.

“You have to understand, she begged me to. I told her no so many times but—”

“But you’re just a man, and you can only resist a woman pleading for you to fuck her for so long, right? Only she wasn’t a woman, Felix. She was a fucking child!” I’m on my feet so fast it takes me several seconds to even realize I’ve stood.

“She wasn’t, though. How old were you and Nash when you slept together for the first time?”

“We were the same age! You, however, were legally an adult. The two do not compare.”

“I was a very different man back then, Paisley. You know that.”

“You said you didn’t end it until the night I kissed you. So not only did you fuck my baby sister when she was fifteen, but you continued to fuck her the whole time you and I... The whole time we were... Building this!” The screech that leaves my mouth sounds like I’ve been possessed by something as I gesture back and forth between the two of us.

“I’m not proud of it...” he starts. “But you, you changed me.”

“I changed you?” I draw back like he’s touched me with a hot branding iron. “You... You held me when I cried. I told you everything. I poured my soul out to you. And now you’re telling me that entire time you were fucking my sister behind my back?”

“There was never a right time to tell you. You needed me.”

“I needed you?” I let out a humorless laugh. “I needed you not to screw my baby sister and lie about it for years!”

“I wanted to tell you. So many times, I almost did. But I was scared you would hate me, and I couldn’t stomach the thought. I lost my mom. I lost my best friend. I couldn’t lose you too.”

“You were scared I would hate you because you knew it would be justified. It all makes perfect sense now,” I say more to myself than to him. “Her infatuation with you. How upset she seemed when we started dating. I thought it was a crush. I thought she’d get over it. I never dreamed... So that’s the real reason you called her last night and not me. Because she is the only other one who knew the truth and after Nash threatened you, you were scared.”

I replay every time Nash told me Felix was hiding something from me that I had brushed under the rug. When Iris had asked me if I thought Felix wasn’t lying, present tense. When Sarah had said I may not know Felix the way I think I do. How many people knew? How many people were prepared to let me marry a man who had deflowered my little sister when she was only fifteen?

I heave, pretty certain I’m going to be sick at any moment.

Everything we shared... He shared it all with Celine first. My sister...

“Paisley...” He stands, having the audacity to reach for me.

“Don’t!” I scream, freezing him where he stands. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

He doesn’t have to answer with words. I can see the truth in every line of his face.

“Celine and I agreed it was for the best.”

“Celine and you agreed. My little sister, who was only a child. More like you coerced her into lying.”

“She didn’t want you to know any more than I did.”

“So you were just going to keep it from me?”

“I’m not the only one who lied here. Nash knew from that very first night. He kept it from you just the same as I did.”

It’s a fact I have not overlooked, but at the moment, I can only deal with one betrayal at a time.

“This isn’t about Nash. This is about you lying to me.”

“Because you’ve never lied.” Defensiveness slips into the place where helplessness once stood. “You’re the biggest liar of us all.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You lied when you said you were over Nash. You lied when you said I was the one you wanted to be with. Every moment we’ve shared has been a lie. I’m nothing more than a placeholder, and we both know it.”

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