Page 7 of Fragments of You

“Maybe not yet, but if I stay here, one day I will be.”

“If you need to leave so badly, then take me with you.”

“No.” It’s a simple word, and yet it feels anything but simple. In fact, it feels like the end of something I was so sure I would have forever. There is no Paisley without Nash. No Nash without Paisley. There isn’t a single person we know who remembers a time before us.

“Why?” My chin begins to tremble, but I refuse to cry, willing the tears away with everything I have.

“Because I don’t want you to.”

The first tear falls anyway...

“So you’re not just leaving Madison.” It’s a wonder I can even form words with the way my heart has worked its way into my throat. “You’re leaving me.”

“It’s for the best, even if you can’t see that now. I will only bring you pain in the long run. I think deep down you know that.”

“Don’t do that.” I push to a stand, tugging on the ends of my hair. “You aren’t a physic. You don’t know what the future is going to look like.”

“Yes, I do. I can feel it already, the restlessness. The same restlessness that plagued my father when he found himself tied down with me. What do you think turned my father into the abusive alcoholic he is today? I did.”

“That’s bullshit, and we both know it. You are not your father!”

“I’m well on my way.” Of this, he seems so sure.

“Why are you doing this? I mean, really?” My voice hitches, my emotions firing on all cylinders.

“I know you don’t believe this, but I’m doing this for you.”

“No.” I wave my hand frantically toward him. “You’re doing this for you! You’re running away because you’re afraid.”

“I’m not afraid of anything.” He’s standing now too, shoulders squared, expression hard. “Maybe I just don’t want to be tied down anymore. Maybe I want to leave because I know there’s something better out there.”

“You mean someone better.” My tears flow heavily now, making it hard for me to see clearly. “Because if this was just about finding a better life away from this place, you would be taking me with you.”

“One day, you’re going to look back on this day, when you’re getting married or when you’re holding your first child in your arms, and you’re going to thank me for sparing you a life of misery.”

“No life with you would ever be miserable. I love you.”

“You love me because you don’t know any better. I’m all you know. Trust me, there’s a man out there who’s going to make you happier than you could have ever dreamed. That man isn’t me.” The words come out hard, but I don’t miss the sadness that seeps into them just the same.

“You’re drunk. You’re going to wake up tomorrow and regret everything you just said to me. I know it.” Anger rears its head, making my blood feel like it’s boiling inside of my veins.

“If that’s what helps you sleep tonight, then believe that.” He steps close and presses his lips to my forehead. “I love you, P. More than you will ever know. Be happy. Don’t mourn us. I don’t deserve your tears.”

With that, he turns and walks away. I want to go after him, but I don’t. I’m not sure why. Maybe because I’m holding on to the delusional hope that he’ll do exactly as I say. He’ll sleep off the alcohol and realize what an ass he’s made of himself, and he’ll be on my doorstep first thing in the morning to apologize.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you can’t reason with Nash when he’s like this. So I let him leave, not realizing in that moment that he meant every word...

Chapter Three

Paisley

“WHY IS HE HERE?” MY voice shakes as I look up at Felix, who seems almost as surprised as I am by Nash showing up here.

Nash... I can’t even wrap my head around it.

I almost didn’t recognize him. He’s bigger now, more muscular and filled out. Not that I gave myself a ton of time to look at him, but from what I did see, he looks almost nothing like I remember. Scruffy face, hair that fell over his ears like he was a few months past a haircut. A far cry from the lean, clean-cut boy I used to know.

For a split second, I thought maybe I made a mistake and it wasn’t Nash at all. But those eyes, I’d recognize them anywhere. Eyes I spent the majority of my life staring into. Eyes that haunted my dreams for years after he left.

---