Page 44 of Fragments of You

“I’ll never ask.” I hold onto my pride like a vice. It’s the only thing that’s kept me upright to this point. I want to defy him almost as badly as I want to give in to him.

“You will.”

In an instant, the space between us feels infinite, even though he’s only taken one step backward. I hate the distance so much that it consumes me with shame, but it’s exactly what I need to pull myself from the fog his nearness created.

“I won’t,” I insist, though the words are not as convincing as I had hoped they would be.

“He’ll never be enough.”

“He already is enough,” I argue.

“If that were true, you would have pushed me away. Just admit what we both already know. Admit that you’ll never love anyone the way you love me. End things with Felix and be with me the way we both know you want to be.”

“You don’t know what I want,” I hiss.

“Yes, I do. And one of these days, you’re going to be forced to admit it to yourself too. The only real question is, will you do it before or after you marry the wrong man?”

“Nothing about marrying Felix is wrong. He loves me and I love him.”

“You only love him because you don’t know the truth.”

“If that were true, if there really were some huge secret that would change my mind about him, then why won’t you tell me? Why not just end it now and take me for yourself?”

“Because I want you to choose me, not because of something he did, but because it’s me you truly want.”

“Or because you want to plant just enough doubt that I start to second-guess him at every turn. It won’t work. Because you’re wrong, Nash. I don’t love you more than him. That’s actually what I came here to say all along.”

“Then say it,” he hisses, his expression unreadable.

“What you and I had is over. I held onto you for as long as I could, but eventually, even the strongest grip will give out. I had to let you go, Nash, because if I didn’t, I wasn’t sure I would survive.” I look at the shoebox Nash now has pressed between his hip and his right arm. “Inside that box are seven hundred and thirty letters. I wrote one every day for the first two years you were gone. Read them. Maybe then you’ll understand that the girl who loved you so fiercely, she’s not here anymore. And she’s never coming back. It’s time you let her go.”

When I shove past him this time, he doesn’t stop me. He doesn’t come after me, doesn’t call for me. He simply stands there and watches me walk away.

I was so sure that I died the day he left, but I hadn’t stopped to consider that maybe a small part of me survived. It’s the only way to explain the pain that swallows me whole as I leave Nash standing on the front porch and reluctantly drive away.

Chapter Eleven

Paisley

“THEY TURNED OUT SO much better than I expected,” my mom tells me as we look over the wedding invitations that just arrived.

I’ve read the one I’m holding at least a dozen times, and yet, seeing Felix’s and my name scrawled across the decorative paper still hasn’t fully sunken in. Obviously, I knew they would be coming soon. We ordered them weeks ago, but something about them arriving makes everything suddenly feel so real.

“Why does it seem like there are so many of them?” I wonder aloud.

“The packing slip says fifty, but you’re right, it does seem like a lot. Probably because the paper is so thick.”

“Yeah,” I quietly agree, flipping the invitation to the back and then to the front again.

“Do you not like them?”

I look up at my mom to find her watching me.

“No, they’re beautiful.” I force a smile.

“Then why do you look like you’re about to be sick?”

“Do I?” I chuckle, forcing humor I do not actually feel.

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