Page 25 of Fragments of You

“Just don’t,” I say again, my throat growing tight. “Why call Felix? He and I were never really close. Why not call my parents?”

“Because I was too afraid to. I figured they probably hated me for what I did, and I couldn’t face them. Not then—hell, not even now.”

“So much for knocking on the door to see what they’d do.” I snort.

“You know I’ve always talked a big game.” He chuckles softly, but there’s no humor to the sound.

“Tell me the rest. You called Felix to check on me...”

“I did. He was the only person I didn’t fear telling the truth to. I needed him. Not just for the connection he gave me to you, but because he was my best friend, and I knew I could count on him. Or at least, I thought I could.”

“He never gave any indication that he and I were hanging out?”

“Never. Hell, the last time we spoke, he acted like you weren’t in his life at all. Said you were dating some new guy and he hadn’t seen you around much over the last year.”

The news of this cuts deeper than I would ever let on to Nash.

“And before that?”

“He didn’t give me much. He’d say he saw you out and you two chatted for a bit, or that you found yourselves at the same social gathering and spent a little time catching up. He basically led on like you weren’t really around each other much. When I’d asked him how you seemed when he saw you, he’d always say you were good. Honestly, he made it out like you didn’t miss me at all. Like me leaving had almost zero effect on you, and you just moved on with your life.”

My brain is slow to digest everything he’s telling me. And while I’m hurt by Felix and the secrets he kept, I also know there are two sides to every story, and I won’t jump to any conclusions until I’ve had a chance to speak to Felix directly. I owe him that much.

“I kind of understand why he didn’t tell me about your calls,” I say after a long moment. “Maybe in his own way he thought he was protecting me. But I don’t understand why he would lie to you about me.”

“Yes, you do.” He gives me a look that I know all too well. Like he can see right through me, can see the things that maybe not even I have allowed myself to see.

“If you started calling him a year after you left, he and I were just friends then. Hell, he was basically my only friend. When you left, I was desperate for any kind of connection to you. Besides me, you were always closest to Felix. So I clung to him like a lifeline. At first, it was because I needed someone who understood my pain. He was hurting too, after all. Then he became more than just your best friend, he became mine. He was the only person who was truly there for me. He held me when I cried. Spent hours on the phone with me, listening to me rant, talking me down when I started spiraling. I meant what I said. I don’t know if I’d be here today without him, at least not this version of myself. He quite literally brought me back to life when I was convinced I had nothing left to live for.”

“Paisley, I—”

“No, you need to hear this. You need to understand. You leaving, it killed me, Nash. Maybe not in the physical sense, but I died the day you left. The girl you loved, she’s not here anymore. You broke me into a million pieces, and Felix spent two solid years putting me back together. He never tried to make a move on me; he never pushed for more. It was more than two years after you left before anything happened between us, and I was the one who initiated it, not him. I woke one day and just realized that somewhere along the way, I had fallen in love with him.”

“I don’t need to hear the details.” His brow furrows.

“You do. You need to understand that you and I are in the past. Felix is my future. And you need to find a way to make peace with that because it isn’t going to change.” I want to believe my words. I want to believe them so desperately that I almost even convince myself they’re true because they have to be true.

“You can’t honestly say that you love him the way you loved me.”

“I don’t. My love for Felix is different, that’s true, but that doesn’t make it any less real.”

“He lied to you. He knew the truth about me. He could have told you at any time, but he didn’t.”

“Did you ask him not to tell me?” I finally think to ask.

“Well, yeah, but—”

I stop him before he can say anything else.

“You asked him not to tell me, and he didn’t. So basically, he did exactly what you wanted.”

“I mean, yes, but no. I didn’t want you to know because I worried you’d come after me, and I didn’t want you to see me like that. That doesn’t mean he had my permission to move in on my girl...”

Again, I cut in.

“I’m sorry for what happened to you. It kills me that you were suffering so badly and you didn’t feel like you could share your pain with me. But you made your choice four years ago and you did so without ever asking me what I wanted. I was your girl, yes. But I’m not anymore. Felix didn’t need your permission, and neither did I. You can’t lay claim to something you willingly tossed aside.”

“I didn’t toss you aside. I was trying to protect you!” He tries and fails to mask his frustration.

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