Page 17 of Fragments of You

Because yes, while I’m angry at Nash for so many reasons I could burst, it doesn’t mask the other things I also feel. Things I shouldn’t feel. Things I wish I could purge from my body and never feel again. But when you love someone the way I loved Nash, those things are not so easy to part with.

The way you love Nash, my inner voice corrects. And as badly as I want to disagree with her, I know I can’t. Because it’s true. Of course it is. You don’t just stop loving someone because they hurt you. Yeah, maybe you find a way to move past it. Maybe you even learn to forgive them and let go of the burden of their choices. But I think if you truly love someone, you’ll love them for your whole life. At least, that’s how it feels for me. Like I’ll love Nash forever. But loving Nash and wanting to be with him are two very different things.

Felix... That’s where my future lies. Not with the man who broke me, but with the man who put me back together. With the man who smiles at me like I’m the sun his entire world rotates around. The man who didn’t steal my heart the way Nash did, but who earned it by loving me, even at my lowest.

That is why I agreed to marry him.

Because, unlike Nash, Felix has proven that he deserves me. And no matter what feelings Nash’s return has stirred up, I refuse to let him take that away from me.

He made his choice four years ago.

And now I have made mine.

“HEY, YOU GOT A MINUTE?” I rap my knuckles on my sister’s open door, peering into her bedroom to see her sprawled out on top of her bed, her face stuck in her phone as per usual.

“Why are you here?” She seems less than pleased to see me—again, as per usual.

“Um, I live here,” I state the obvious.

I know what you’re thinking—twenty-two and I still live at home; how pathetic. But to be fair, I had always planned to live with my parents until I graduated college. And while yes, I got my associate degree a year ago, by that point Felix and I were together, and, I don’t know, I just figured at some point he’d ask me to move in, which he did do, several times. But as we’ve already covered, my father was having none of that.

“Not really. You’re like never here.” Celine pulls me back from my thoughts.

“Well, all my stuff is still here, so...”

“What do you want?” She tosses her phone onto the bed next to her, her way of saying let’s get this over with.

“I wanted to talk to you about the wedding.” I hesitantly approach, making sure she’s not going to object as I slowly turn the chair in front of her desk around to face her before lowering myself onto it.

“What about it? It’s still like three months away, right? You guys didn’t decide to elope or something, did you?” She seems almost panicked by the mere thought.

Poor girl. I genuinely feel bad for her—pining after a man who’s about to marry her big sister. It makes a little more sense now, knowing that Felix obliged when she asked him to be her first kiss, which still kinda makes me sick to my stomach, if I’m being honest, but at some point, she’s going to have to let that go.

Then again, I’m not really one to judge, given that I spent almost a freaking year barely able to function as a person when Nash left. That was a little different, though. Nash and I shared way more than just a kiss. Hell, for twelve years, we shared everything—and I do mean everything. Every first you can have, Nash and I had together. It took me a long time to learn who I was without him and even now, there are still days I walk around feeling only half of myself.

“No, nothing like that.”

“Did you call it off? I mean, Nash is back after all. It would only make sense. You’ll never be able to love Felix the way you love Nash.”

“No, we didn’t call it off, I say, growing increasingly more annoyed by the second. “I actually wanted to ask you a question.” I hesitate, having a slight change of heart now that I’m sitting here. “Will you be my maid of honor?” I ask anyway. I mean, she is my sister after all. My only sister at that.

“Seriously?” She looks at me like I’ve just sprouted a second head.

“Seriously.”

“Why me?”

“Why not you?”

“Um, have you forgotten that we aren’t exactly what you would call close? I’m pretty sure you hate me.”

More like you hate me, I think but don’t say.

“I do not hate you. Why would you even say such a thing?” I don’t wait for her to answer that question. “You are my sister, Celine, and I love you. Nothing would make me happier than if you would agree to stand next to me on my wedding day.”

Her features soften and she considers me for a long moment.

“I mean, if you really want me to.” She blows out a puff of air. “But don’t you dare think I’m wearing some atrocious dress to make you look better.”

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