Page 88 of Fragments of You

Our letters, especially the more recent ones, have been the most satisfying and yet torturous form of foreplay I’ve ever experienced, each one becoming more intimate in nature the closer it got to her visit. I don’t think she even realized the shift they had taken, but I sure as fuck did.

It’s been eight years since I’ve held her. Since I’ve kissed her. Since I’ve been able to sink inside of her and lose myself in her body, and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t killing me at this very moment.

Which is why I seize the first opportunity I have to steal her away, pressing up behind her the second her aunt is pulled away to help her mom with something.

“Can we go somewhere more... private?” My lips are so close to her ear that I swear I can almost feel the goose bumps that erupt across her skin at my nearness.

“Yes, please.” She spins around, trying to act unfazed. “If one more person asks me when I’m moving home, I might scream.” She forces an easy smile, but I can see the nervousness he tries to hide.

We’ve been playing this game of cat and mouse all evening and finally, it would seem, I’ve caught her in my trap.

“They should stop asking when you’re moving home and start saying how incredible California looks on you. I, for one, can’t say I’ve ever seen you so at peace with the life you’ve built out there.”

“It really is so beautiful there.” She allows me to take her hand, smiling at me as I do.

“You’ve described it so well in your letters, I feel like I’ve already been there.” I intertwine our fingers, leading her away from the party.

“It’s strange. I had never thought about leaving until I did, and surprisingly, I feel like I ended up exactly where I was always meant to be.”

We move through the lit pathway toward the gazebo that sits at the back of the property. It’s not much different than the spot where we sat when I told her I was leaving all those years ago. This fact is not lost on me as we take a seat side by side, our legs touching we’re so close to one another, and yet I don’t feel nearly close enough.

“It’s so peaceful out here.” Paisley stretches her legs out in front of herself. “I haven’t been back here since my dad built this.” She gestures around us.

“He did a really good job.” I take our joined hands and rest them on my leg.

“He did.” I can see her throat bob as she swallows, unable to hold my gaze for more than a few seconds.

It’s exhilarating to know I still have the power to make her so nervous. I used to revel in it when we were younger, the way she would tremble every time I touched her as though she could feel it through her entire body.

“Being with you like this today, it’s made me happier than I have felt in a very long time,” I admit, rubbing my thumb across the back of her knuckles.

“Me too.” Her breath hitches when I lean in closer.

“I’ve spent four years waiting for this moment, and I’m sure as hell not going to squander it with small talk. I’m going to just say what I need to say and let the chips fall where they may, yeah?”

She gives me a shaky nod. “Okay.”

“I love you,” I say bluntly. “I have loved you since the first moment I laid eyes on you, and I’m not even sure I knew what love even was at that time, but I knew right away that you were the girl I was going to marry one day. You changed my life profoundly that day. You took a miserable little boy and made him whole for the first time in his life. You gave me purpose. You gave me friendship. You gave me love. And while I know I haven’t always been deserving of it, you have continued to love me in spite of everything I’ve put you through.”

“Nash...”

“You have been the sun my entire world revolves around for as long as I can remember. You have kept me warm, given me shelter, loved me when I’ve given you a million reasons not to, and I can say with complete certainty that I would not be the man I am today without you. I don’t think... No, I know, I probably wouldn’t have lived to see adulthood if it weren’t for you. You have saved my life in more ways than you will ever realize. And I know I’ve said all of this in my letters, but I need you to hear me say it now. I love you, Paisley. I am so in love with you that sometimes when I think about you it’s hard to breathe. I know I can’t undo the past, but I’m hoping you’ll give me a chance to make it up to you in the future.”

“What exactly are you trying to say, Nash?” She blinks, unshed tears filling her breathtaking green eyes.

“I’m saying I want this. I want you. I want the house and the white picket fence and the kids. I want it all... With you. I want to build the life we should have had in the first place before I fucked it all up... I want to come to California.”

“You want to move to California?” Her words are shaky, filled with emotion she tries desperately to keep hidden.

“I already told you, P. There isn’t a place on this planet I wouldn’t follow you. All you have to do is ask me to. That’s all you’ve ever had to do. I have been yours since the day we met. Where you go, I go. If you want me there, that is. So do you? Want me there, I mean?”

It’s my turn to sound nervous because I am. Everything is hinging on this. Everything I’ve done for the last four years has been leading up to this moment, and if she says no, I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do.

Her eyes dart between mine like she’s trying to find something behind them.

“Do you promise to never lie to me again?”

“Never.” I’m quick to answer.

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