Page 40 of Fragments of You

“He slept on the streets for weeks on end.”

“I said stop!”

The car falls eerily silent.

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years,” she says after a few long beats, “it’s that the person isn’t the addiction. The things they do, the people they hurt, it wasn’t them. Not really. He needs your forgiveness, Paisley. He needs to be able to bury the past and move on with his life. Otherwise, the things he did, they’ll eat at him forever.”

“And what happens if I forgive him?” I ask after a long moment.

“What do you mean, what happens?”

“Does he go away? Does he stop burning my life to the ground?”

“I don’t know. All I do know is that until you forgive him, he will be forever stuck in this perpetual cycle of blame and regret. And eventually, it may even lead him to use again.”

“I can’t let him back into my life, Iris. Not after everything. I’d always be holding my breath, waiting for it to happen again.”

“No one is saying you have to.”

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” I finally say.

“I’m sorry I yelled back.” She smiles, and I’m struck by just how pretty she is. I had almost forgotten.

“And I’m sorry I let our friendship fade after Nash left. I was just so...”

“Broken.” She finishes the sentence for me.

“Yeah,” I admit. “I let my pain take precedence over everything. I was drowning in it. Felix... He’s the only one who was able to pull me out from under it. He taught me how to smile again, how to laugh, and eventually, how to open my heart back up. I know he’s not perfect, but that man brought me back to the land of the living, and I can’t give that up... Not even for Nash.”

The words feel thick in my throat, like having to sludge through tar before reaching the surface.

“I get that. I just don’t want you to wake up one day and realize that you chose him because you felt indebted to him in some way.”

“That is not why I’m choosing Felix. I’m choosing him because I love him. Had you told me four years ago that would be the case, I would have laughed you off the planet. But today, I mean every word.”

And I do. But loving Felix doesn’t mean I don’t also still love Nash. As much as I hate allowing myself to admit that I still feel that way, even now, even after everything. But loving him and choosing him are two very different things.

“I just... I always thought you and Nash would be together forever. Your lives are so intertwined, like fate was tying invisible strings between your life and his. I just can’t imagine a world where the two of you don’t find each other again.”

“I wanted that for us. From the time we were kids, I could see it all. Our entire future planned out as if it had already been written in the stars. But things don’t always work out the way you want.”

“There’s still time, you know. You could choose differently.”

“I can’t turn my back on the man who pieced my life back together, for the man who broke it apart in the first place. I will always love Nash, but he’s my past.”

I want to believe what I’m saying so desperately that a part of me actually does.

“Will you at least talk to him? He needs that, and honestly, so do you.”

“I need some time to process all of this. But yes, I will talk to him when I’m ready.”

“And just for the record, me being friends with Nash doesn’t mean I can’t also be friends with you. We were very close once upon a time, and I miss that.”

“Me too,” I admit softly.

“Okay, well, here we are,” she needlessly announces as she pulls up to the curb in front of my house.

“Thanks again for the ride.”

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