Page 27 of Fragments of You

“Paisley, I can explain.” He’s quick to cut in.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask before he can say more. “I mean, I know he asked you not to, but Felix, you saw me in a way no one else did. You knew how badly I was suffering, and you could have made it all go away. Why didn’t you?”

“I guess, in some way, I felt like I was protecting you. That first time he called, Paisley, you didn’t hear him. He wasn’t himself. He was so fucked up he could barely string two words together. You were just starting to put your life back together. You were back in school. You were getting better every day. How could I tell you something like that? How could I be the one to bring everything crashing back down, knowing there was nothing you could do to help him?”

“I had a right to make that choice for myself,” I tell him, my resolve softening. No matter how conniving Nash believes Felix to be, deep down, I knew there was a reasonable explanation. And I was right. Because, unlike Nash, Felix has always put me first.

“You’re right, you did.”

“Why did you never tell Nash about us? He said you’ve known he’s been clean for a year, and yet you led on like we never even saw each other. You told him I had met someone new. Why not tell him it was you?”

“Because I was afraid,” he softly admits. “I was afraid if I told him just how broken you were over him leaving, that he’d come running back. He was still using at that point, and honestly, I didn’t think he’d ever get better. I was trying to spare both of you. Then you kissed me that one night and everything changed. After that, I worried that telling him would make things even worse for him. He wasn’t doing well and what good would learning the truth have done for him? Once he got clean, I was already in so deep, I didn’t know how to just come right out and say it. I never expected this...” He gestures between the two of us. “I never expected to fall for you so completely. But I did, and now the thought of losing you is the most terrifying thing in the world to me. I was afraid that if you knew everything, you’d choose him.”

A heaviness settles over my chest.

I doubted him.

The entire drive over here, I let Nash’s words convince me that Felix had some ill intent by keeping things from me and from him. But in reality, he was just trying to protect us both.

I feel awful for even entertaining the idea.

“And now that he’s here, I’m just waiting for that to happen,” he admits, unable to meet my gaze.

“Why would you ever think that?” I stand, moving toward him in an instant. “I chose you, Felix.” My hands slide across his jawline as I angle his face up to mine, which, given how tall he is, isn’t much. “I chose you because I love you. And I will continue to choose you.” I press a soft kiss to his lips.

His arms slide around my waist seconds before he pulls me down into the chair with him. My knees press into the soft cushion as I straddle his lap, smiling when the warmth of his hands settles on the small of my back.

“I’m sorry I lied to you.” He pushes my hair away from my face, his fingers lingering on my cheek for a long moment. “I just... You and Nash... Your history is something I don’t know how to compete with.”

“You don’t have to compete. I’m already yours. Yes, Nash and I share a lot of history, but it’s just that, history. It’s in the past. You, Felix Jensen, are my future.”

“I love you so much it scares me sometimes.”

I drop my forehead to his.

“It scares me, too,” I admit.

I know firsthand what loving someone can do to you, especially when you lose them.

“But love is scary,” I tell him, pulling back just enough to meet his gaze. “If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be love.”

“Tell me him coming back doesn’t change anything... I need to hear you say it.”

“Him coming back doesn’t change anything for us,” I reassure him, running a hand through his messy locks, pushing them back away from his forehead. “But I need you to promise me that I know everything, that you aren’t keeping anything else from me. First my sister, now this. Tell me there’s nothing else. I can’t walk around waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“There’s nothing else,” he promises, and even though I have a lot of reasons to maybe doubt him, I don’t.

“Okay.” I run my other hand through his hair.

“But I do have a request. I don’t like the idea of you and Nash spending time together alone. It’s not that I don’t trust you...”

“Nash and I are going to have to find a way to coexist if he chooses to stay. But I have no intention of letting him be a part of my life,” I say in lieu of agreeing to his request.

“Okay.” He smiles up at me.

“Okay?” I press another kiss to his mouth.

“Okay,” he murmurs against my lips.

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