Page 53 of Embracing Us

“I leave today,” Marina interrupts. “My taxi will be arriving soon. I wanted to see you all before I left. They pulled my flight forward to early evening.”

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Marina

Max and my mother watch me intently as I hold my younger brother. He sucks greedily at the bottle in my hand. Tiny throat muscles vibrate as the liquid slides down his gullet. My mother is all doe-eyed with her head cocked to one side and a sweet smile on her face. Max, however, looks at me with suspicion. His shrewd eyes never leave the baby in my arms. He doesn’t trust me, that much is clear and, in all honesty, I don’t blame him.

I glance at my watch. Thirty minutes until my taxi is booked to arrive. The thought of going back to London is unwelcome. For all dealing with the consequences of my previous bad behaviour has been difficult, I’ve enjoyed the freedom Malaga offered me these past two weeks. My time has been spent walking with no destination in mind or lying on the beach reading a book. I’ve not met anyone of importance, merely spoken to people as I’ve met them. There has been no heavy drinking or throwing myself at random men.

The few conversations I’ve had with my mother have been worthwhile, cathartic almost. All the demons have been brought out into the open and been discussed. When I look back at my reaction to her new relationship, I am deeply ashamed. My clear attempts to tempt Max away from her, heighten the embarrassment more so. I consider myself extremely lucky that she is considering a relationship with me at all. If the situation had been the other way around, I’m not sure I would have given me another chance.

“What are your plans when you return to London?” my mother asks.

“I’ll go home and sort my shit out,” I answer, honestly. “I’ve handed in my notice at the pole dancing club. There is an opportunity within the call centre for further management training. I think it is time for me to grow up and stop blaming everyone else for my situation. I want to be able to buy my own home soon, or at least rent somewhere. You will need the house when you return.”

“That won’t be until next summer,” she reassures me. “You have time to put your plan into action.” Max doesn’t say anything, merely listens and takes it all in. “I will be immensely proud of you, Marina, if you take steps forward in improving your life. What I’ve seen these past few days is very encouraging. I pray you continue on this path.” She stands, walks over and crouches down in front of me. Her hand comes to rest on my knee. “Improving yourself is the hardest thing we can do. Stripping back all the emotion and assessing our actions from the outside. I’ve been there, confused and unhappy. I tell you now, sweetheart, the journey to what you should have may be difficult, but it is oh so worthwhile.” She glances over her shoulder at her new husband. He smiles at her in return. She turns back to me, wise eyes holding mine. “Trust your gut, Marina. If you believe something or someone is for you in this life, embrace it and take the chance.”

Unable to contain the emotion, I drop my eyes away to my brother. We all sit in the room silently as the minutes pass. Everything that needs to be said, has been.

My phone buzzes softly in my pocket. My mother comes and takes my brother from my arms. When I withdraw the handset, a message blinks on the screen telling me my taxi has arrived. “Taxi’s here,” I announce. “I need to be going.” I stand and move to collect my bag. Max has already picked it up from where I dumped it on the floor when I arrived.

“I’ll carry this down for you,” he says. My mother flashes me a bright smile, then reaches out with one arm and squeezes my elbow.

“I love you,” she says. “I can’t wait to see what you do from this day forward. Call me. Every week. I want to know everything.”

“I will,” I tell her, my voice breaking. Tears prick my eyes. The realisation that I’ve always known hits me square between the eyes. I have a beautiful mother. One who loves me unconditionally. Resolving to be the best version of myself I can be, I walk out of the room and head back to London with a new sense of determination.

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