Page 96 of An Endless Memory

Grinning, I finished my slice.

He put his dishes in the sink but didn’t leave. “When you going to Crocus Valley next?”

“I told Lily I’d see how the weather is. Cali wants me there for Christmas, but Jasper mentioned his parents might visit the kids so she doesn’t have to haul them again.”

He watched me with a look from the days I’d been his student, one that said wrong answer.

I pushed my plate to the side. “I don’t know what else to tell ya.”

“I dunno. Maybe ‘I’m going down Christmas Eve so I can see the kids open presents Christmas morning.’ Or how about ‘I’m going to for sure ring in the New Year with my wife’?”

My chest ached to do all that, but I was considering the future. How quiet would next Christmas be? Would I sit on the fringes while my relatives celebrated? “Christmas is my holiday to work.”

“Too bad you messed up the holiday rotation, but maybe someone will switch with you.” His tone was challenging.

I scowled at him and pushed away from the island. I took my plate to the dishwasher and loaded all the other dirty plates and forks inside. “Holidays are important for family.”

“They used to be important to you.”

“Why are you here?” I straightened and used my heel to shut the dishwasher door. “It’s Sunday and you were supposed to be with your family.”

His gaze was measured. “The kids left this morning, and I didn’t like the thought of you being alone. And I wanted to show off my pie.”

Didn’t I feel like shit now? “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Lily spent the whole weekend, huh?”

The subject change made my mind spin and cranked up my irritation. “Yes. It was nice.”

“More than nice, I imagine.”

That it was. Goddamn perfect, except for worrying how bored and abandoned she’d felt inside the house. I’d run back as often as possible.

I’m a prisoner here. Mom’s breathy, dramatic voice had echoed in my head all weekend. I’d tried to make up for it when I could with Lily. Usually, with orgasms. And a generous use of condoms because I was better than my father.

“You could have it every day, Eliot,” Chambers said.

“Stay out of it, Chambers.” I marched out of the kitchen. “Have a good night.”

A tiny thread of guilt still clung to me. I joked around with Chambers, but I wasn’t usually a prick. “Good pie,” I called behind me.

Lily would have her family around on Christmas. I had missed the kids since I was in Crocus Valley last. The little visit I got today wasn’t enough, but maybe I should keep my distance. I should find a random weekend so they didn’t associate me with holidays. I didn’t want our eventual parting to be hard on them. Kellan might not remember me, but Cali would. I’d have to have a good talk with her.

I had seven months yet.

The pie turned into an iron anvil in my stomach.

In the garage, my phone started vibrating. I answered without checking. “Knight.”

“Knight.”

I rolled my eyes. “Austen.”

“You’re a new uncle. Fifth time this year.”

My previous dark mood immediately lifted. “Hey, man. Congrats. Vienne and baby doing okay?”

“They’re both perfect. Catherine can barely be contained. I think we’re going to have to fight her to hold Francine.”

---