Page 84 of An Endless Memory

“I’m not Barns either. Which is why I’m not making Lily feel like she has to stay married to me after the year is done.” He opened his mouth, but I gave my head a sharp shake. “And when the year is done, I’m going to keep the ranch going.”

“Her brother’s doing a damn fine job, from what Cody said.”

Chambers and his big fucking mouth. “He’s temporary. An IT guy isn’t going to give up everything to run someone’s place at a quarter of what he could make in the corporate world. Not to mention, he’s got his property he’ll probably marry for.”

“He’d buy you time though.”

“No.”

“Fuck’s sake, Eliot. You’re going to lose her.”

Fear tore through my body, making my chest tight and my throat constrict. I could not lose her.

Men are toxic, Eliot. They’ll poison a woman with lies to get what they want. They’d do it until her passion dies and the rest follows. And I gave birth to four of them. Mama’s words screamed into the void of my mind.

If it wasn’t for Lily’s first husband, she wouldn’t be a single mom with a ton of school debt. I was better than him, but she was still dependent on me. I wanted her to have a choice. I would never pressure her for my own selfish wants. I was an adult. I was a better man than my father. So I had to be ready. The best thing for Lily might be to let her get away.

Lily

I gawked at the restaurant around us. The dinner rush in Purple Petal was in full effect, but Eliot and I were at a high-top table in the bar. We’d already ordered, and I had a virgin cosmopolitan in front of me.

Eliot had a mug of beer and promised I could drive his pickup.

“I can’t believe you found a sitter.” Anxiety continued to surge. I had left my kids with a teenager. Eliot vouched for Vienne’s daughter, Catherine. His entire family did, and while I’d met the girl, I had rarely had someone watch the kids who weren’t my parents or daycare.

“Catherine has babysat for all the Knights and I’m including Aggie in that. If the girl didn’t play so much volleyball, she’d be able to have a full-time job with just my relatives.”

“She seems like a good kid.” I took a sip of my cosmo. The strawberry slush was like candy and since there was no alcohol, I could drink ten of them without worrying about nursing Kellan. “When I was her age, I was full of the same confidence, but I wasn’t as mellow.”

“You’re mellow now.”

“Necessity. My mom always accused me of not thinking first, but she doesn’t understand that gut feeling, you know? She’ll sit in front of her computer and rework four lines of rhyme for her kids’ books. She’ll go through a hundred different words and turns of phrases, and she’ll do the same thing in her regular decision-making. It used to drive me nuts.”

“And now?”

I could ramble like I was on my third adult beverage. Eliot was easy to talk to, and Carter had never wanted to listen. “I can see the wisdom of her ways. They thought I should work a few years and then go to vet school if I was still interested, but I was applying as soon as possible. If I had worked a few years, I wouldn’t have gone, and maybe I sensed that.”

“Do you think you would’ve felt like you missed out?” The way he scrutinized me spoke of a different motivation for asking than curiosity. He’d been quiet since we’d left Sutton and Wilder’s. He’d gone upstairs with his brother, and when he came back down, he was subdued. Almost angry. Wilder and Sutton had exchanged glances, and I had remained lost.

I had thought Eliot would talk to me, but he hadn’t opened up yet. None of it was my business, but I’d also been told everything in my last marriage was none of my business. Yet many of the decisions made had hinged on the efforts I put into the relationship.

I wasn’t diving down that rabbit hole. Eliot and I were only dating. Our marriage was not part of whatever was going on between him and Wilder.

Or maybe it was all of it.

I should’ve had a real drink. What was his question? Oh, right. “I don’t know if I would’ve felt like I missed out. Sutton’s clinic runs really well. She designed it with a lot of support and flexibility. Carter’s is a money mill. He didn’t care about animals, he cared about upselling. The vet’s jobs were more about how much they could siphon from a family, and I saw the mental toll it took on the vets, on top of the normal stress of the field. Did you know veterinary medicine is often cited as one of the most stressful occupations?”

He shook his head. “I assumed my dad was the reason Sutton had a lot of stress when she worked for the ranch.”

“I’m happy being a tech. I wish I could get a do-over and not take out those loans or see the prenup for what it was—a tool for Carter to use me with minimal risk to himself. But…it happened, and I moved forward. I’m just going to keep going.”

“You roll with the punches and collect more animals while you’re at it.”

I grinned. “You have to admit that Bug is turning out to be the goodest boy.”

“I suspect he thinks there are cookies when I’m around.”

I laughed. I barely remembered there were cookies in the break room Bug had been after. I’d been so shocked by the sight of a sexy cowboy. “I wouldn’t have met you without him.”

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