Page 78 of An Endless Memory

Cali dove in while I grabbed Kellan’s seat. He grinned when all the kids greeted them.

Tova wiggled between the front seats and sat in the passenger seat. She twisted around as much as she could when she was due in a month. “We couldn’t go get Mom. The roads are too bad.”

“Eliot can’t make it tonight either,” I said.

Cody glanced in the rearview mirror. “I was hoping he could make it since none of us could help move cattle. How’d Jasper do?”

“My brother had a good time. Said he felt like a kid again.” Jasper had actually been messaging me about his adventures.

Cody coasted up and down neighborhood roads. The kids would dart out on a gust of cold and pile back in, jabbering about the candy they scored. I shot a picture of Cali, Ivy, and Ivy’s brother, Grayson, to Eliot. After an hour, we were dropped back off at the car. I didn’t get a response from Eliot.

At home, I got Kellan to bed while Cali was counting her candy. I stopped to send another text to Eliot. Happy Halloween.

I frowned at the screen for a while. Was he upset he couldn’t make it? Did I do something to make him angry? Carter used to ignore me when I did something to piss him off.

Eliot was not my ex. He wasn’t out messing around because I wasn’t enough. Still, it was hard to shake that old anxiety.

“Bedtime, Cali.”

She stuffed all her candy away. We read a quick book and then I tucked her in.

She snuggled into her blankets. “I miss Eliot.”

I kissed her forehead. “Me too.”

“I’m glad you married him. He’s a nice daddy.”

“Oh, honey.” I smoothed her hair off her face. Eliot had hardly been around, and he took precedence over Carter. While I was grateful he was far better to her than Carter, I dreaded next summer when Eliot and I divorced. She should be in therapy by then. The therapist might not believe my story, but I’d cross that bridge next summer. I gave her another kiss and left her room. I didn’t know what else to say.

Outside her door, I pressed my fingertips to my forehead. “You’ve got to think things through.” My mother-in-law’s voice mingled with my mother’s. “Always so impulsive.”

Was this marriage the right thing? Was having Eliot be a part of my kids’ lives for a year and then saying goodbye to him a smart idea? Did I have a choice?

They had often said similar things. But where Mom’s was advice, my mother-in-law’s had been condemning. In this case, I had to be impulsive. I wasn’t sleeping with Eliot to make sure he didn’t serve me divorce papers before the year was up. But what about after? Should I have thought of that more? I liked him, dammit. I wanted to have sex with him. And I didn’t want to worry about the future.

I went to the living room. I had an hour before bed, and I had the weekend off. I picked a movie and snuggled into the couch. Once or twice or four times, I frowned at my phone. No response from Eliot.

Should I message Jasper and see if he mentioned Eliot?

Too pathetic?

What if Eliot and Jasper were making the best of a guys’ Halloween?

What if my single brother was showing Eliot that he missed the unmarried life? Jasper wouldn’t purposely lead Eliot astray, but would he lead by example?

I needed to shut my mind off.

When the credits rolled, I went to my bedroom and stripped down. Then, I went to the bathroom and started a playlist. A little speaker in my bathroom pumped all the naughty country songs I couldn’t listen to around Cali. I stepped into the bathtub and under the shower spray. Warm water surrounded me, and I soaked it in.

Today had been chilly, both at work and while trick-or-treating. Could that be why I was on edge?

I had just finished rinsing my hair when the bathroom door cracked open.

“What’s wrong, Cali? Can’t sleep?”

The door quietly clicked shut. I pulled the curtain back and yelped. Eliot had his arms crossed and was leaning with his back against the door. His hair was flattened from a ball cap he was no longer wearing, and his eyes were dark and promising. He was like an apparition the steam conjured up.

“Oh my god!” I held the curtain in front of myself. “You’re here?”

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