Page 107 of An Endless Memory

I wished I could have Eliot again. Heat rushed behind my eyes. Nope, I wasn’t cried out.

I hadn’t talked to Cali yet about the earlier-than-planned divorce. “Yeah, it’d be nice.” I sighed and brought my toast to the table. Weight mounted on my shoulders, and my breathing turned shallow. “Cali, we have to talk.”

She nodded and kept eating. She was bebopping her head to some music only she could hear. Her backpack had horses on it and underneath one arm was the mare Eliot had given her in the pasture set. She’d named the horse Eli. After Eliot.

I coughed on what I’d been about to say. I swallowed the words. “It’s nothing that can’t wait. Finish up while I get Kellan loaded.”

The pressure eased off my chest. Yes. Telling her about Eliot wasn’t a conversation to be rushed before school. Once we were all loaded into the car, I dropped her off at school, then Kellan at daycare. At the clinic, clients were already filling the waiting room, and I happily lost myself in work.

When lunch rolled around, I swept into the break room. Sutton was at the counter, scrolling through her phone.

“Hey,” she said and tucked her phone in her pocket. She wore sweats and a loose top. Instead of a braid, she’d bunched her hair into a loose bun. The fatigue from the last couple of times I’d seen her was gone. Hopefully, she and Wilder were getting more rest.

“Hi. You’re back early.” I dug my homemade chicken alfredo leftovers out of the fridge.

“I figured I’d start with half days for a couple of weeks and ease into it, but I was hoping to meet with everyone and get a gauge on how everything’s been going. I don’t want to walk in and pretend it’s exactly like it was six months ago.”

Those months had gone by in the blink of an eye, but also so much had changed it was like an eternity had come and gone. I was different. Stable. The kids and I had a routine. I didn’t worry about the roof over my head, and if I had trouble finding a new house to rent, I had generous, doting parents to help me bridge the gap. I wasn’t too immature to rely on them, and I’d never be afraid to again. I’d like to think that when my kids grew up, I’d be there for them in the same way if needed.

She had asked about work, but I needed to clear the air about her brother-in-law. My personal and professional life technically didn’t overlap, but they did, and I’d rather have the truth out there. “Have you talked to Eliot?” My pulse picked up. I could delay this conversation with Cali, but I shouldn’t with my boss.

She frowned. “No, but Cody mentioned Chambers asked him if everything was okay between you two.”

“I asked for a divorce.” A tremor traveled through my body. The tears were ready to fall if I let them.

Shock filled her features. “Oh no. I’m sorry, Lily. May I ask what happened?” She held her hands up. “Sorry. You do not have to tell me.”

“No, it’s fine. He committed to helping me, but he’s not committed to me and…” Each time I spoke my feelings, they felt more valid. My parents had listened to me, my siblings, even my aunt and uncle. “I got to a place where I wanted the real thing and not just a handout. My parents helped me buy some time in the house, and my aunt and uncle were willing to work with us.”

“I’m sure making you move after you’re established and after Cali’s started school and during the middle of winter feels a lot harsher.”

“I think my aunt felt bad. The pressure to marry and that I fell for him. She had a bad experience when she was younger and probably felt like the trust put me in a similar position.” Eliot would never use me though. Our problem was the exact opposite.

Sutton squeezed my arm. “Don’t be afraid to ask any one of us if you need anything, okay?”

I nodded, my throat growing thick. They would’ve been a wonderful family to belong to. I already had one though, and that was why I could move on.

Someday.

Eliot

It was twenty below, and shit was constantly breaking. The hydraulics went out in the Bobcat, spraying everywhere when we tried to use the bucket. Jasper and Alexander got it towed into the shop. I was elbow deep in hydraulic fluid while they went to repair the bale unroller. The damn thing busted up on them this morning and it was too damn cold to be on the back of a truck tossing hay ourselves.

I had just replaced the line I figured out was leaking in the Bobcat. I tested the lift. The bucket rose. Good. One problem was— A goddamn leak started bubbling from the new connections.

“Fucking motherfucker.” I lowered the bucket and whipped the 15/16 wrench at the shop bench. It clattered against the top, the wall, then bounced to the floor, its bangs ringing through the shop. “Fuck you and your hoses too.”

“I didn’t bring any hoses, but thanks for the offer.”

I spun around at Wilder’s voice. He wore a heavy black coat, and his breath puffed in front of him. The shop wasn’t usually this cold, but it had a hard time keeping up with the wind, and there was likely something wrong with the goddamn heater too.

“What are you doing here?” I wanted to be happy to see him, but for the last two weeks, I’d been steering clear of everyone and everything.

When Chambers had asked who pissed in my Wheaties, I’d tossed the divorce papers at him and walked away. Those damn documents still sat on the island.

Jasper hadn’t said anything, but he’d left my box of clothing and toiletries right inside my bedroom door. I’d almost tripped on the damn thing.

I ignored the papers and the fucking box too.

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