Page 102 of An Endless Memory

He was right. I’d never forget him.

Twenty-Three

Eliot

My family milled around Aggie’s shop. Ansen had cleaned the floor and pushed all his equipment to the side. In one corner, he’d fashioned a small fenced area, not unlike the picket segments in Cali’s pasture kit, and had laid a large piece of carpet. The area was scattered with toys. Grayson was reading to Cali and his youngest sister while Kellan scooted around with Ansen’s daughter and oldest boy.

Lily’s parents had been chatting with me but then Weston had found an opening with Cody. The two weren’t just talking oil wells, judging from their laughter.

I was at a table, facing the kids so Lily could catch up with Sutton. Sutton and Wilder each wore a baby in a sling. Austen did the same, Cody too. I was going to feel left out if Ansen showed up with his new son strapped to his chest.

Lily was next to me, pushing mashed potatoes and gravy around on her plate.

“Don’t you like the potatoes?” I asked.

When she glanced at me, her gaze was guarded. “No. It’s great. I think my appetite is just… I’m not hungry.” She pushed her plate away. “There was so much good food.”

There was, but she hadn’t eaten a lot. We hadn’t had time for a large breakfast after opening presents, cleaning up the mess, getting Bug outside for some running before he was put into his enclosure, then preparing everything we might need for today.

This gathering was a present-free zone. I had never been more relieved after Cali’s delight over the ornament. A family ornament.

Where would it hang next year? How would she take it when her mom and I came to the inevitable conclusion that this wouldn’t work out? Once the stipulations of the marriage were met, there would be no denying that seeing me for a weekend every month or so wasn’t enough.

The damn thing had all our names on it, and I’d seen how happy she was about it.

Mrs. Beeker said to write our whole family’s name on it.

When Cali had thought of her family, she hadn’t put her piece-of-shit bio dad’s name on it in her tiny, unwieldy handwriting. She’d written my name.

Knight men let down the women in their lives. It’s inevitable.

The only way I couldn’t fail Lily and the kids would be to step back. I’d known it before I’d seen the gift, and now I was shown why. I was nothing but a heartbreak waiting to happen for Lily and Cali.

So why had I asked Jasper if he could carve a date on the horse?

Something to remember me by.

Wouldn’t I want her to forget me and all the ways she had hoped for more? I’d seen the thrill in her eyes die when I told her why I’d had the date etched into the wood.

Something to remember me by.

I was just a guy trying to do the right thing, and I couldn’t stop messing it up somehow.

Knight men let down women in their lives. It’s inevitable.

Austen sat across from us with a plate of food. Dark circles rimmed under his eyes, but he was filled with a vibrancy I couldn’t identify. He was tired but elated.

“Where’s Francine?” I asked.

“Feeding time.” He sawed off a hunk of ham. “Then Vienne said she’d keep her, and they’d snooze on Aggie’s couch. Thought I’d grab a bite where I don’t have to worry about dropping food on Francine’s head.”

Lily smiled. “Mom and baby look well. How are you all feeling?”

He was chewing, but he rubbed a hand down his face. “I thought I was getting too old for early morning formations, but I’d almost trade the middle-of-the-night wake-ups for those.” He grinned, looking every inch the smitten new dad. “Almost.”

“I like seeing you run ragged.”

He’d taken another bite, so all he could do was shoot me a glare. He switched his gaze to Lily. “Do me a favor and send me a picture when he has to drag his ass out of bed sometime between midnight and four a.m.?”

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