Page 60 of Crowned By the Fae King

"Issara was my first," he said, the words rough. "I was three hundred twenty-two. She liked deflowering men, but she liked what I could do to her more. It was only ever about the sex for her." He swallowed, his grip on me tightening. "Twelve years. I wanted…" Cass exhaled shakily. "I wanted it to be something other than what it was. I was a convenient source of excellent orgasms for her, and my presence was the price she paid. She had other men on the side. Ones she cared for. She brought two of them to our bed before I told her no more."

"What the fuck," I said without meaning to, aghast.

"It was what it was. I like to imagine that I'm wiser now." He paused, then sighed, his shoulders sagging. "The fourth was Dellaphine. I met her mere weeks after I graduated from the Asklepion Academy. Issara had often said…" His voice wavered. He had to take another shaky breath. "She often said that I ought to try mortal women, who might appreciate my… bulk. So I did."

I had to count to ten, and then twenty, before I was sure I could say something without sounding like I was about to go find and murder his ex. "That's a bit racist," I said, as calmly as I could.

"I know," Cass said softly. "It's not uncommon for fae to see humans as brutish barbarians. And since I—" His breath hitched. "—since I look like a brute, fae often find it amusing to picture me with mortal lovers."

The towering rage developing under my breastbone grew hotter. "Is that a problem for you?" I asked carefully. "That I'm mortal?"

"I have negative associations, shall we say, with being seen alongside a mortal mate," he said, as carefully as me. "Given how unattractive most fae find me, the assumption tends to be that I couldn't find a fae who could overlook my appearance, and that I'm…" He took a deep breath. "…resorting to mortal lovers because I can't do any better."

My cheek twitched. "Dellaphine," I said, because if we kept talking about this right now I was going to blow a fuse.

Cass let out a slow breath. "It wasn't her fault. I was thoroughly fucked up by the time I met her. She learned quickly that I didn't do casual touch, and it went on from there." He paused for a moment, then added quietly, "She stayed with me for fifteen years, until it grew too strange for her to age while I remained eternal. She left me flowers and a letter, and I couldn't find her. I tried for decades."

I closed my eyes, my skin prickling from his guilt and sorrow, and my own horror. It had been doomed from the start, but that doesn't make a tragedy any easier to bear. I could picture it: Cass, sweet and bright and desperate for love, pretending he didn't notice the way people sneered behind his back—and Dellaphine, a mortal woman unmoored from her world, being wooed by a gorgeous, powerful fae for reasons she didn't understand.

She wouldn't have missed the way people looked at them, or the way Cass reacted to it. It had been more than a century ago, and women back then were used to being valued only as ornaments and broodmares. As the years turned, and as her beauty faded, she must have asked herself—why? Why her? Why did he stay? What did she have to offer someone like him?

And she'd left, because the only answers she could come up with must have been pity or misplaced loyalty. Maybe Dellaphine had even imagined she was setting him free.

"I'm sorry," I said softly. "That sounds really bad."

He sighed against my scalp, his warm breath ruffling my hair. "It was a long time ago."

I leaned back against his broad chest. "That doesn't make it less bad."

"I know." Cass nuzzled against me. His nose ran against my scalp, the gentle touch sending tingling pleasure down along the nape of my neck. "I spent a mortal lifetime alone after that. Another healer fell in love with me, even though he had a paramour. She eventually gave him permission to seduce me, but with a list of restrictions. I was lonely and foolish. I said yes." He huffed out a sorrowful laugh. "It didn't even last a month before she made him choose, and he didn't choose me."

"Sounds like they were shit at polyamory," I said, when I could say something without sounding as spitting mad as I felt.

"To be fair to them, so was I. I knew better, and did it anyway," Cass said. His lips turned up against my hair. "A little after that, I was in a brief relationship with a fae woman who appreciated my looks and was too ashamed of what others might think of her interest to be seen in public with me. I decided not to be someone's guilty secret." He relaxed slightly, fitting his warm body closer to mine. "And then the war, and Vad, and eighty years, and now here we are."

"And now here we are," I said, echoing his words.

The wallpaper had stopped changing once the flowers had bloomed, settling as his attention shifted from holding me to telling me about his past. I considered it, pursing my lips. Cass seemed to do a lot less damage with positive emotions than negative emotions. That made a certain sort of sense; even though he hadn't been able to touch anyone like this for most of his life, I imagined that the things a frightened or angry command healer might do to someone were a hell of a lot worse than one who was enjoying himself. I was willing to bet that he hadn't had much opportunity for pleasure in those early lessons, either, so maybe they weren't quite so deeply embedded.

What the hell, I decided. Might as well go all-in. With a little huff, I pushed myself up and tugged off my nightshirt.

Cass tensed. "What are you doing?"

"Taking off my shirt," I said, as if that wasn't obvious. I dumped it to the side. "We're cuddling, and I like skin-to-skin contact. I'm not trying to seduce you or anything. They're just tits."

"But—" he started.

I looked over my shoulder at him, raising my brows. "Yeah?"

He looked like he was at war with himself. I waited patiently, giving him a half-smile. Cass wet his lips and asked, "No sex?"

"Nope," I said, shaking my head. "Platonic only."

"Alright, then." He relaxed back down and held his arm up to let me cuddle back up against him.

I didn't give him a chance to change his mind. I dropped back into place and leaned back against his warm chest, loving the feel of his powerful body against mine.

Hot For It

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