Page 124 of Crowned By the Fae King

He fought for breath, then started sobbing, his back bowing and breath going ragged. A thousand memories shattered into my mind like buckshot, a kaleidoscope of pain. All the times he'd been used for the pleasure he couldn't help but to give; a thousand rejections, lovers putting distance between them the moment he came and vulnerability met with distaste. His defenses clamored, demanding he withdraw—to protect himself from how much it hurt to have someone so entwined with him pull away.

The edges of his control hemmed us in, Cass sucking air through his teeth with agony showing on his face. "F—fuck—"

I grabbed his face with my shaking hands. "Cass—"

"I— I'm sorry, I— I— fuck, I'm so sorry, I don't mean to be like this—" He shuddered so hard his wings clattered, his whole body shaking. "Quyen, I— I'm not—"

Hot tears dripped from the corners of my eyes. My chest and throat ached, Cass' reflected pain clawing at me. "Come here," I said, tugging him down. "Cassie. Come here."

With another sob, Cass obeyed. He pulled out and huddled up against me, putting most of his weight on his side with his face pressed against my neck and his body sprawled across mine. "I'm sorry," he choked out again. His fingers dug into my side. "I— I wanted this to be good, I—" his voice cut off again. The searing loneliness of his life cut through me like a knife, his heart begging and begging, love me love me love me love me.

I kissed him, pouring everything I had into him. I didn't know what the litany of my soul was, but I knew what I felt for him. He was mine, and I loved him, and I sorrowed for him. I wanted to drown him in it—to kiss him and kiss him until he couldn't feel anything else, to stake my claim on him with such thorough demand that there wouldn't be any room for question. He was mine.

Cass moaned into my mouth, his whole body melting into mine. "I love you," he said, his voice rough. "Gods, I love you so much. I don't know how to do this—don't know how to be this naked. This, this vulnerable—"

"Cassie, Cassie, c?c vàng, it's okay," I said, petting his hair, his arm, his side. "You don't have to be anything for me. All you have to be is here." Silently, I added, Listen to my heart, Cass. I'm as naked as you are.

His fingers slid into my hair. "'I hear you. I love you. I want you,'" he said in a thick voice. "'You're mine. You're mine—'" Cass sucked in a heavy breath, shuddering, then whispered, "You're mine."

We stayed like that, Cass' heavy hand in my hair as I stroked his warm skin. His heavy breathing evened out slowly, the stress easing until we were only cuddling, resting together with the storm long past.

"I don't mean to be broken," he offered at last, sounding hesitant.

I pressed my lips to his in a gentle kiss. "Nobody means to be broken," I said in a low murmur. "I wondered when we'd dig up the agony. I knew it was in there, somewhere."

Cass stilled, sliding into it. "You did?" he asked shakily.

"Of course I did." I kissed him again; this time, he leaned into the contact, his mouth shifting with mine before we broke apart. "You've had five hundred years of loneliness, sweetheart. Of course it hurts."

"I wasn't always lonely," Cass said softly. "Dellaphine loved me. Vad—" He swallowed, his shoulders hunching. "Vad and the Furies gave me something to live for. They're my family."

I stroked his hair back, looking into his eyes. "Never cuddled. Never held for the sake of affection." My thumb swept across his cheek. "Maybe you didn't feel lonely, but have you ever been nothing but content? So happy that you couldn't imagine changing a thing?"

His arm tightened across my chest. "Have you?" he asked, not answering—not that I needed an answer. I was as hungry as he was, and as hungry as our Court.

I huffed a laugh. "It's not like we haven't run across my damage. I just get mean instead of crying."

He made a low sound, settling himself more comfortably against me. "Let me know if you ever want to take out that meanness on me," he said with a nuzzle. "You can do so much more to me than digging your nails in."

"Intriguing, but don't deflect," I said, tickling him on the side. I got a grumbling noise in return, Cass holding me a little tighter. "Seriously. You don't have to be all 'I'll fuck you against the wall' if what you actually want is to make sultry love while staring soulfully into each other's eyes. I like that, too."

"It's not that," Cass said with a soft laugh. He pushed himself up onto his elbow to look down at me, his eyes warm. "I like being aggressive and flirtatious. I especially like when I'm enough of a brat that you snap and grab me by the throat about it." At my blush, Cass grinned, baring his teeth. "It's more like I'm learning to fly all over again. It's wonderful, and vibrant, and then suddenly I realize that I'm up very high and if I stop moving these wings that seem to have turned into uncontrollable alien limbs, I'm going to fall."

I booped him on the nose with one finger, smiling up at him. "Post-nut clarity, huh?"

He burst out laughing and kissed me on the fingertip. "Yes, I suppose so. You caught me, though. Thank you for that."

"Apologies and thanks, splendor?" I flicked my tongue out at him. "Trying to get yourself indebted to your hungry Queen?"

"Apologies, thanks, and pleading all offer a bond," Cass said, his eyes warm. "It's up to the one receiving that offer to decide whether to claim a debt, or to forge that bond into one of loyalty, forgoing balancing the score in favor of true fealty. Most fae dislike such ties," he added, with a self-conscious shrug. "I crave them."

I remembered saying, "Vad and Dani," sitting in the hot springs with my hand in his. I could still see his smile and the softness of his dark lashes shrouding his warm gaze; could feel the gentle press of his mouth against my knuckles as he replied, "You."

"You have them," I said, trailing my fingers through his dark waves. "You have me."

Love me. Keep me. Make me yours, he murmured through our bond, echoing the words of his heart. Cass leaned his face into my touch, rubbing his cheek against my palm like an affectionate cat. "Do you mind if I try again?" he asked in a low murmur. When I raised my brows, he smiled and grasped my hand, bringing it to his mouth. Cass licked my fingertip like he was tasting whipped cream off of it, his tongue caressing the whorls of my finger before his lips closed around it.

Heat shot down my spine, every quiescent spark of lust flaring back into life. "Try what?" I asked, knowing exactly what he would say.

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