Page 72 of Null & Void

Finished making the bed, Beans engulfs me in a giant hug and kisses the top of my head dramatically. He holds me for a few breaths before letting me go and ruffling my hair. Touching. Always with the touching.

Without thinking, I suddenly wrap my arms around the giant Nemorisborn man from behind as he begins to walk away. Over his arms, I can’t make my hands touch in front. It’s only a few seconds. Beans doesn’t turn his head when I release him. He stands frozen for a beat before clearing his throat and striding into our washroom, leaving me with my rage to remind me of the dangers of getting too close.

During breakfast, the four of us go over the plan. After lunch, the king will be hearing from his people, so the castle gates will be opened and I’ll be able to blend in unnoticed. Slowly, I’ll make my way toward the eastern end while Bitty stays a safe distance away to monitor and relay information to Beans and Riley.

Time is flying, and my rage is a consistent buzz keeping me on edge. Ready for action. This type of waiting makes me nauseous. I’d rather be waiting on a rooftop alone than pacing in a bedroom going through the plan over and over.

Bitty and Beans leave to get lunch, but I won't be eating, as an empty stomach will keep me focused. I get changed into the uniform and ask Riley if I look okay.

He adjusts my collar as I fiddle with the waistband of my pants. I still haven’t decided how many weapons I want to take just in case I get caught. Fighting is unlikely to be the best course of action, so best to only take one at my thigh.

I’m mulling it over when Riley finally answers. “You look resplendent.” Looking into my eyes, still holding my collar, one of his thumbs reaches up to stroke my cheek. “And beautiful, as always.”

I clear my throat and move out of his grip. “Stop that,” I say, my voice hoarse.

“Stop what?”

“Playing games.”

“What games?” His frustration shows in his voice as he grabs me by the waist and pulls me toward him roughly, his back against the wall.

“Go and say those things to someone else, Riley,” I whisper as he leans right in, his lips barely an inch away from my own.

“I don’t want anyone else. I only want you. And I know you want this too.”

We stay like that for an eternity or more. Riley’s hands on my waist and my hands on his muscular forearms. Our breath is the only thing between our lips. Neither of us makes to move away. I stare at my favorite freckles on his face and the curve of his lips.

I want to kiss him. Desperately. I want him to kiss me.

As if he read my last thought, he closes the distance, his lips colliding with mine. He pulls me in tighter against his body, heat spreading across my skin like wildfire. I open my mouth slightly, and the kiss deepens. I taste his tongue and dig my fingers into his forearms.

“Stop,” I whisper against his mouth as I break the kiss.

He freezes, letting me go but only slightly as he looks down in confusion. But I can’t do this with him, I can’t. I don’t want to scratch each other’s itches with some kind of transactional sex. But I can’t offer him anything more, and neither can he return it. So, I let go. But he doesn’t.

“I said stop.”

“I have stopped. Tell me why.”

My rage is circling like a predator around its prey. “Because I don’t want to, is that not enough?” The tone in my voice makes the hairs on my arms rise.

“You truly only want my fingers, and nothing else?”

I growl and buck against him, and he releases me further but keeps his hands on me. “I want nothing from you!”

He hisses, looking at me like I’ve lost my mind. And maybe I have.

“Why are you so bothered that I won’t play the game, Riley? Is it because I haven’t yet returned the favor?” I reach aggressively toward his crotch. “Take your fucking pants off, and I’ll do it now.”

Before I even get there, his hand snatches mine, bringing it up and flattening it on his chest. “Why are you being like this? Is the Silent Assassin scared of feeling something other than rage?”

I try to knee him in the crotch, but he blocks it, using the force to pin me against him. He half slides down the wall, caging me in his legs so we’re face-to-face.

“Say you feel absolutely nothing for me, and I’ll let you go, Mika.”

I open my mouth with a sneer to lie, but he grips my face and brings me to his lips. Stopping before his lips touch mine, only for a second, giving me that time to say it. But I don’t. Then, softly, he kisses me. My eyes prick with tears as I kiss him once more, vowing to the Divine that this is the last time. His lips are so soft against mine, his thumb stroking my cheek again, his thundering heart under my hand. The last time. It has to be.

I push myself off him and step back, and he lets me. The shattered pieces of my heart blow away in the wind from the distance I create between us. He reaches for me again, and I step further away. With my hand against my lips, I close my eyes, relishing the taste and feel of him before I close the door on us for good.

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