Page 62 of Null & Void

“That is quite likely, little one,”Beans agrees.

“Erdu castle itself is built into the side of an enormous canyon near the border of Sadori. Behind the castle is unlivable terrain that just ends in death drops. Then the beaches of Sadori begin,” Riley adds.

Without trees, we only have shade at certain times of the day from the walls of whatever gorge we’re in. The sun wants to fry us to a crisp. Except for maybe Bitty. Their Laguzborn skin has tanned an even deeper bronze. Beans and Riley have developed a few more freckles, and I am uncomfortably pink.

I’m finally fit and healthy enough to spar again, though everyone is still being gentle for fear of hurting me. It won’t last long because I keep handing them their asses, and every single one of them is getting annoyed. Without weapons, my chances of winning are usually just over half with Riley and Beans due to their sheer size and strength.

One good thing about the long canyons is it’s much easier on watch. There is no need to set a watch until the sun has well and truly set.

That evening, near sunset, Bitty and Beans are sparring, and he finally gives in to Bitty’s demands to be treated fairly. Riley and I are reclining on the ground next to each other, listening to the distant sound of weapons clanging. I’m not sure who is avoiding who lately, but we have barely spoken a word to each other.

So, of course, the first thing that comes out of my mouth when we’re semi-alone is: “How was I captured when you were on watch?”

I've wanted to ask him for weeks but haven’t known how to bring it up. I’m so angry at him, but I am also always on the edge of crying because I miss him. How can I miss someone who was never mine? Pathetic.

He doesn’t answer for the longest time, and I start to wonder whether I imagined saying it, or perhaps he’s ignoring me.

“I don’t know.” Riley sighs and then grimaces at his own response.

I nod, looking away from him, willing away the sting of tears. I have to bite my cheek, beginning to panic that the tears are going to overwhelm my lids anyway. This whole crying thing better be temporary.

“It’s not like I didn’t do a perimeter check. I did multiple. Not a sound or movement out there. We couldn’t figure it out,” Riley says quietly, squinting at the setting sun. “I did get distracted, though. You were making sounds and I thought maybe it was a nightmare, so I came back to check on you. Then when you left to relieve yourself…after my bad joke…I went in the opposite direction to give you space.” Riley is analyzing a bunch of small pebbles in his hands, the sounds of Beans and Bitty training filling the silence as I wait for him to continue. “One of my biggest regrets is not going with you that night. I’m truly sorry. For everything,” Riley says with a noticeable quaver.

Grateful he isn’t looking at me, I discreetly wipe my falling tear. “Maybe they were already there,” is all I can say back, unable to look at him either.

“What do you mean? You think they were waiting for you?”

“It’s possible. Could be why you never heard them, if they were already in position before you went on watch.”

“Did they say something to make you think that?” Riley asks, clearing the emotion from his throat.

“Sort of. But also, when I was bathing that day, I remember hearing a twig snap. I thought Tovi?—”

“That was me,” Riley blurts, cutting me off. “I didn’t mean…I wasn’t spying on you. Beans sent me on watch, and I wanted to check on you, and I didn’t expect you to be…” Riley gestures vaguely, and I assume he means naked.

“You could’ve said something.”

“Fuck no, I couldn’t have! I already loathed the idea of you thinking I’m a creep as it was. Announcing my presence after diving into a bush because I didn’t realize you’d be naked, sounded like the worst idea.” Riley’s horrified face as he says this is enough to make me laugh. I’m holding it in, but the heat is rising in my face, the harder I try.

“I had to lie there, knowing you were naked in the creek, unable to resume my perimeter check, just so you didn’t think I was a pervert!”

I burst, unable to contain my laughter anymore. “Why are you telling me now?”

“Because I don’t want you to think those assholes were watching you!” Riley shouts, his face bright red, but a smile emerges when he sees me laughing.

“Maybe they were! Maybe you were all just hiding in the bushes watching me bathe together!” I cry, holding my ribs because the laughter is too much.

Stifling his own laugh, Riley protests. “This isn’t funny, Mika!”

“Oh, but it is. I’m imagining you diving into a bush to hide from me, right next to my kidnappers!” Tears are streaming down my face from laughing. I have to lie down to relieve the pressure in my ribs. “So, you just sat there and watched me bathe?”

“Yes—No!” Riley’s flustered response only fuels my hysteria.

Beans and Bitty come over to see what the two of us are yelling about, so I tell them an exaggerated version, much to Riley’s continued embarrassment.

“I hate all of you,” Riley announces with no malice. He stalks off smiling and shaking his head, as the three of us continue to howl with laughter.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

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