Page 58 of Null & Void

“I know my mother’s name already.”

“You found her?” he asks in a sudden burst that causes Butters to flatten his ears.

“No. I haven’t looked for her. But I know her name is Sehna Ziemia. I’m…not sure what I’ll find if I look any deeper. Or if I want to know,” I finish in a whisper. She was probably executed.

Thankfully, Riley must sense my emotions on this topic and doesn’t push further. Instead, his voice drops low, and he brings his lips closer to my ear. “Mika Ziemia Ofnemoris is a beautiful name.”

The use of a family name lodges in my throat. I am a Patron of the Divine. I do not have a family name…nor do I deserve one. But that name spoken by Riley replays in my mind like music for the rest of our silent trip.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

After another three days of bed rest and light stretching, Beans declares me well enough to travel if I can prove I am able to get up and down from a horse unassisted.

A medic was able to visit and remove the stitches in my head, though the bandages on my leg are required for another week or so, and I was told to monitor for signs of infection. Getting dressed and putting on my weapons was a strange experience, almost as if this is a different life. As if I’m a different Mika. But it’s not, and I’m not.

My boots are uncomfortable, and I have to wear the laces loose on my injured leg. But, despite all my complaints, I’m ready to go when everyone else is.

“Where’s my sneak bag?” I ask the three of them, noticing it wasn’t with all my stuff.

“Sneak bag?” Bitty asks.

“Small black bag with my sneaksuit and other paraphernalia I use for sneaking in it.”

The three of them give me blank looks, so I add, “It was with all my other stuff. Before…before they took me.”

“Sorry little one, it must’ve been left behind in the frantic pack-up to go after you. We can try to replace it in Erdu Castle City.” Beans apologizes, his heavy hands on my shoulders as he looks down at me with remorse. Like it’s his fault.

Rage chokes me. “Of course. There’s no need to apologize. I’ll make a new one.” I slide out from under Beans’ affection, the rage threatening to burst through my skin.

I notice Tovi’s absence as soon as we start traveling. It’s palpable. I still haven’t come to terms with what she did, though I have gone over it and over it in my head. The other three have steadfastly avoided the subject, so I can’t even talk to them about it. I don’t blame them. They’ve known her for revs.

My horse for the journey is a black and fawn colored gelding named Snooze. No surprises where the boy got his name because he is slow. He moves faster than if we were walking, and I appreciate the smooth gait, but the pace is excruciating.

I tried to spur him to go a bit faster, but he clearly doesn’t enjoy it, and his gait is definitely rougher the faster he goes. Beans, who is riding Butters, laughs at me and encourages me to accept my fate. I give him a rude hand gesture which only makes him laugh harder.

They’re assholes. All three of them. They keep sprinting off and coming back. Not all at once, obviously. My precious self cannot be left alone for one second. I even have an escort when I need to relieve myself.

The next time Riley and Bitty take off, I ask Beans why no one seems upset about Tovi. They’re playing around and acting as if none of it happened.

“Mika, if we constantly let the awful things that happen darken the sun, then we would never see the light again.” His tone is gentle. Caring, even. “We are all desperate to find Lyss. And we all love Tovi and I hope one day we find out what happened. I know what’s in that girl's heart, just as I know what’s in yours. There’s no evil. And I can tell by how feisty you’re being, that you’re as brokenhearted and confused as we are. We don’t have the whole story. I’m not excusing what she did by any means, and I wouldn’t blame you for hating her. But we have a job to do, and Divine damn us if we won’t live our lives while we do it.”

“I’m not being feisty,” I mutter, distracted by his words about my heart.

“You are the epitome of feisty, little one, and I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

I snort, saying nothing more. Not sure when he decided I was little one, especially when it’s more like he’s big one. I let my feisty retort slip away instead.

At our current pace, our estimated time to the outskirts of Erdu Castle City is at least three weeks. A couple of smaller towns are dotted through, but mostly we’re staying away from main roads and going off the beaten tracks as much as we can, though it’s clearly chaffing Riley to be so far behind schedule.

Riley has been keeping his distance, barely speaking to me unless he’s changing my bandages. I hate that I miss him. He makes me so angry, and I lash out at him. But when he isn’t around, it makes me angrier. I’m exhausting myself.

We travel as far as we can until, apparently, my breathing changes, and Bitty signals that I am in too much pain to continue. It’s uncanny how accurate they are, as much as I despise being spied on.

I’m back to my regular cooking duties, much to everyone’s delight. There haven’t been many herbs for us to forage in the barren Erdu countryside, however, the fruit trees and bushes have been plentiful. We’ve been eating a lot of berries and plums in our breakfasts, and bush bananas for snacks. I even found a patch of desert sweet potato that we were able to forage.

Most nights are a stew of sweet potato, Beans’ beans, various dried meats unless we are able to hunt or trap something (which is rare), and the last of whatever dried herbs we have. Garlic grass seems easy to come by, so that has been a welcome staple. We were able to buy some black and green tea leaves before we left town thankfully, as there has been nothing to use along our way. I’d kill for some jasmine or honeysuckle tea from Nemoris.

Whenever we make camp, I lay down and rest while Bitty tends to the horses, Beans chops wood, and Riley gets a small fire going to boil water for tea, then changes my bandages. Everyone sets up their bedrolls early, and we go in pairs to wash if we’re lucky enough to be near a water source.

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