Page 62 of Triple Play

Another shift. A complaint of springs. Followed by a sound like metal grinding against metal.

“What was that?” Felix asks me.

“Just Lilac settling. It’s probably nothing.”

Blake stirs in the backseat. “What sound?”

For a minute none of us says anything. Or the three of us don’t, but Lilac does, a faint scraping noise that gets gradually louder as we listen.

Instinctually, my hands tighten at the wheel, knuckles pulling white. “Shh.” As if Lilac is a spooked animal.

Lilac scrapes back.

“Can one of you Google it?” My voice comes out tense; my stomach knots itself into a hard lump. “It’s probably just old lady problems. You know she likes to announce her every move.”

In my peripheral vision, Felix reaches like he’s going to lay a hand on my thigh. “Don’t,” I whisper emphatically. Because it was one thing to have his cock in my mouth last night. Another for him to pull the soothing boyfriend act in front of my actual boyfriend—who we’re still keeping secrets from.

“She’s made it this far,” Felix says. “She can probably make it a little farther.”

In response, Lilac’s scrape transforms into a distinctive whine. Her engine temperature gauge starts to creep up. Traffic whizzes by us. The one place we don’t want to break down is in the middle of the highway.

“Let’s take the next exit,” I suggest. “Just to make sure everything’s okay.” I don’t wait for them to respond before I change lanes. The scraping continues. So does the slow climb of the temperature gauge. It’s probably nothing. An unignorable kind of nothing that grows louder and louder.

“Don’t cry.” I whisper it under my breath—or try to. “Don’t fucking cry.”

Blake leans forward and squeezes my shoulder reassuringly. “It’s gonna be okay, sweetheart.”

Fuck. He’s so fucking nice. He’s nice, I’m lying, and my car is about to catch fire on this highway. I suck in a labored breath and hold back my tears. “Yeah.”

“You got this,” Blake says. “You’re so strong.”

“I don’t want to be strong. I want the car not to fucking catch fire.” It comes out in an angry rush. He’s trying to be helpful. I just don’t want his help—don’t deserve it. Felix said Blake should meet the real me, but this is the real me: always five minutes from setting my own life on fire. “Sorry,” I add. “I shouldn’t have snapped.”

From beneath her hood, Lilac emits a wisp of smoke. So not even five minutes from catching fire. We’re almost to an exit. I press her gas pedal—we need a parking lot, a tow truck, for someone else to fix this mess.

And who’s gonna fix the mess you’ve made of everything else? I swipe my hand across my face. Tears aren’t useful for anything but blurring my vision.

Off the highway, it’s only a short distance to the rest stop. Still, I spend every foot toggling between watching Lilac’s hood for more smoke and keeping my eyes on the road.

If she breaks down, I can’t afford to fix her. If she breaks down, I can’t afford another car. There’s no way working retail periodically will cover a car note. So if she breaks down, I’m going to be back dancing—and there goes Blake, out of my life just as quickly as he entered it.

Finally, I pull Lilac into a parking space, cut the engine, and pop her hood. Smoke belches up into the warm February sky, a single puff that dissipates.

“We should see what’s the matter, I guess.” Even if all I know about car engines is this one is fucked.

Felix glances to the backseat, and he and Blake proceed to have an unspoken conversation involving a lot of eyebrows that I can’t track.

“I could use a soda,” Felix says, finally. “C’mon, Shira, this can wait a few minutes.”

I shake my head. “We probably need to arrange for a rental car.”

“I can do that,” Blake says. “What do you like?”

Lilac, I want to say, petulantly. I want Lilac back. It’s dumb to get attached to a car like this, but she’s been with me when no one else has. “Something reliable, I guess. Not too tall—unless…I guess whatever you want to drive is okay.” Now that she’s probably gone, they can take over.

Blake nods. “Okay, I’ll see what’s in stock. Can you get me a sweet tea while you’re inside?”

“Like a tea with sweetener?” I ask.

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