Page 22 of Protecting His Vampire Mate

It was almost two in the morning. I could try sleeping. But that was probably elusive, too. After all, I hadn’t slept more than a few hours at a time in months. I would have to wait until I was so bone-tired that I could barely stand before I tried that. And it would no doubt be accompanied by hours of restlessness followed by horrible nightmares, just like always.

So, for lack of anything better to do, I paced back and forth, unable to relax or think about anything other than him.

Tobias’s presence was causing this. I had been fine until I knew he was right there, only a phone call away. But knowing that didn’t help at all. Because a big part of me wanted to call him. Hell, I wanted him in my arms. I wanted him to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. And if he had, I would have had no choice but to believe him.

Was that the fated connection at work? Was the pull I felt toward him due to a mystical bond? Or was it simply because it was him?

Waking up from the mind-control curses Giles had placed on me had been traumatic. And I had gone straight to the vampire king’s headquarters to turn myself in, the moment that the memories started coming back to me and I realized what I had done. At the time, I had been completely terrified and a not insignificant part of me had wanted them to blame me for everything and drive a wooden stake through my heart and make the guilt and pain stop.

But then Tobias had been there. And suddenly I hadn’t wanted that at all. In his presence, even during one of the worst moments of my whole life, I had felt calmer than I could remember feeling since… well, ever. And in that moment, I had wanted to live after all. And when he had told me that I would be okay, I had believed him completely.

But once that wore off, the bad set in. I couldn’t stand to have him look at me like I was something special. Like I was some kind of good and complete person. Because it wasn’t true. I was broken. And Tobias probably would have spent however long it took to put me back together again if I had let him. But I didn’t deserve his love.

I wanted it, though. I wanted it so badly that even thinking about it felt dangerous. It left me feeling far too raw and emotional for my own good. He was my mate and I hadn’t done a fucking thing to deserve him.

And even now, with him so near, I couldn’t lie to myself that I wasn’t at least a little bit happy that he was close by. More than a little, really. This was a tangible reminder that, impossibly, someone like him cared about me. That he knew the things I had done and he was still here, hell-bent on protecting me.

He had seen my death, though. And I should have felt more afraid of that. After all, Tobias was a powerful warlock. If he said he saw a vision, he saw a vision. And I’d already gathered that he didn’t lie—not about the important stuff, at least. And he never would have put himself in my orbit after I had asked him not to unless he truly felt he had no other choice. So, if he was here, it was because what he had seen had freaked him out.

Was I really destined to be killed in this town?

Maybe I had been. But Tobias had proven himself to be annoyingly competent at pretty much everything so far, and I figured he could pull off basically anything he put his mind to. So, if he’d put his mind to making sure I was protected, my money was on him succeeding.

He had lied to me, though. Earlier, when I had asked him where he was staying. He had told me that he was staying at a hotel in town. Real cagey on the details. Because there was no hotel ‘in town.’ I had done my homework before coming here, when I had been trying to decide where I would be staying. There were three motels, all of them on the outskirts of town. There wasn’t exactly a lot of town here, and the downtown corridor was home to the dozen or so idyllic boutique shops meant to trap visitors into spending their hard-earned money on specialty soaps, candles, and other locally sourced handmade crafts.

There was no hotel on Main Street.

Which meant he didn’t want me to know where he was staying.

Why?

Why was I so obsessed with that? Was it because I wanted to know, down to the foot—hell, if I was being honest, down to the millimeter—how near he was to me?

And why in the hell had he promised to leave?

Was he just here out of some misguided sense of responsibility? Maybe, deep down, he didn’t think that a relationship with me—mate or not—was any better an idea than I did. Maybe he was eager for us to part ways once he’d done the whole hero song and dance?

And, like an idiot, I had nodded all serious-like and basically told him, ‘Oh yeah, sure bud, you can totally vanish from my life, no problem’ when what I had really halfway wanted to do was to grab him by the lapels and shake him for even suggesting it in the first place.

But it would be the best thing for both of us if he did leave. Because I didn’t trust myself around him. Not one bit. What if my body reacted to him, like muscle memory, and I wound up doing something I couldn’t take back?

Eventually, I might hurt him.

I hadn’t been a vampire for very long—three years—but I had always been able to stop myself from feeding too much. I’d never hurt anyone before, apart from what Giles had forced me into. But then again, I hadn’t fed from anyone since I’d woken back up from the compulsion. What if I was different now? What if I couldn’t stop? What if I couldn’t make myself want to stop?

The mere thought of feeding caused my teeth to sharpen again. My throat ached with sudden thirst and my stomach literally growled.

“Shit,” I muttered. I grimaced, forcing my fangs away.

But my throat was still burning. I needed something to drink. I didn’t have any blood on hand, and I didn’t really trust the tap water here enough to drink it. But there was a vending machine on the ground floor, over by the office, that sold soda.

It wouldn’t help with my real thirst, of course, but it would be wet, cold, and at least somewhat drinkable. And it was something to do, besides torturing myself by thinking about Tobias nonstop.

So, I made my way downstairs, making sure to lock the door to my room behind me. I made it down to the vending machine, pulled a crumpled dollar bill from my wallet, inserted it into the slot, and then pressed the button for Dr. Pepper.

I grinned to myself, feeling a little spark of joy for the first time since I had dropped Tobias off at his car. It had been ages since I’d bothered to drink soda. But when I had been human, I’d basically lived on the stuff.

I popped the can open, took a long chug, and then turned around. And promptly spit my soda onto the ground.

---