Page 7 of Barbi and the Villain

Just when I thought I found somewhere to belong, turns out they don’t like me either. And I can’t figure out why. What is it that makes me pathetic in their eyes? I’ve never badmouthed anyone, nor done anything to warrant that behavior. I’ve always had a smile on my face, ready to help anyone.

I purse my lips.

Maybe I was too accommodating, too eager to help that it came across as pathetic.

But that’s how I’ve always been. I like helping people and I like being…needed. Yet, turns out, I was never needed anyway, except perhaps for my money. But even that isn’t good enough anymore.

Damn it!

“Mi Joo, you’re exaggerating,” my dad says in an exasperated voice.

Not in the mood to hear more jabs at my already battered self, I get up and quietly head to my room.

PomPom is already on her pink bed, probably tired from chewing Clarice out.

“You did well today,” I murmur as I lay a kiss on her forehead.

Her eyes are closed, but she releases a soft sound of approval, which warms my heart. I may not have friends, but I have PomPom and she’s the best friend in the entire world.

With PomPom asleep, I direct my attention to the beautiful book in my arms, and though I would like nothing more than to read it right away, I wouldn’t want my sour mood to taint my experience of the story.

I turn to my bookshelf to put it away for now. But as I stare at my perfectly color-coded book spines, I realize it needs its own special place. I move a few books around, careful to keep the pastel aesthetic of the shelf intact.

I don’t always buy pink books. Of course I care more about the contents than the cover. But I also prize my room aesthetic, so the non-pink books get a pink sleeve to fit the theme. This book, however, is perfect as it is. It’s almost as if it was designed with me in mind, pink and glitter. And because of that, it deserves to be displayed in the middle of the shelf, with the cover facing forward.

Taking a step back, I nod in satisfaction at the pretty sight.

Now I can take my clothes off and go cry in the shower.

As soon as water streams down my body, the tears begin to fall. I let out all those feelings I’d kept bottled.

There’s only the sound of water dripping to the ground and the echo of my sobs. There’s only disappointment and hopelessness. There’s only me who wishes I were a different me.

The water washes me, seeking to clean me of all these emotions, yet it’s all in vain.

The stain of those words engrained in my mind is unwashable.

They’re there, lying low and waiting for the moment I’m the most vulnerable to come out and whisper in my ear all the things I am not; all the things I should be but will never be.

The sad thing is that I happen to like who I am. But I am the only one…

Can I ever find someone who will accept the whole of me, not just the pieces that are convenient? Turning off the water, the echo of my harsh breaths drowned by residual sobs is all the answer I need.

I dry my hair and put on my comfortable fuchsia pajamas. Despite feeling like crap, I can’t neglect my skincare—my old self will thank me. As I finish applying moisturizer, PomPom wakes up from her nap and comes to my side, wiggling her tail and signaling she needs cuddles. She’s such a needy girl, though I can’t fault her when she’s learned those habits from me.

The crying session helped. My eyes may be swollen, but at least I feel better.

“Should I read the first chapter? What do you say, PomPom?”

She opens her mouth, her tongue hanging out as she smiles at me.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Come, I’ll read it to you.”

It might be odd, but I always read aloud so PomPom can listen, too. She likes stories, and she likes listening to me as I tell them.

She’s such a smart girl, she immediately dashes over to our little reading nook by the window. I grab the Fate of Akkaya from my shelf and make myself comfortable on the plush pillows. PomPom lays her head in my lap as she waits for me to crack open the book and start.

My hands are trembling. Excitement builds up inside of me, and despite my godawful day, I’m ready to find out what happened next.

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