Page 199 of Mayhem and Minnie

Yet it’s not just outrage that overwhelms me, it’s also disbelief.

She slowly nods.

“You thought I’d rape you?” I repeat, still unable to process this.

Have I ever given her any indication that I might do something like that? For fuck’s sake, I’ve behaved like a goddamn saint even when my blue balls were killing me. I could have easily kissed her on the lips, many times. Many, many times. I didn’t lack opportunity. Yet I never crossed that line. So how the hell would she think I’d do something like that?

To say I’m insulted is an understatement.

“Maybe I even hoped you would,” she adds in a soft, barely audible voice.

My eyes widen as I stare at her in shock.

“You what?” I croak.

Her lips tremble as she struggles to speak.

“Maybe if the choice was taken away from me, then I wouldn’t continue hoping for a miracle,” she confesses. “I know I’m chasing a myth, and while I’m skeptical about the existence of that Sanctuary, I’m also equally optimistic about it. Two warring emotions inside me with no resolution in sight. But you could have given me that resolution.”

“By raping you? By taking you by force?”

Another nod.

“I know it sounds bad. I’m sorry. I just… I’m tired of running away, Marlowe. I’m tired of waiting for something that may never come. But this stupid heart won’t let me stop hoping,” she cries out, banging her hand over her chest. Tears rim her eyes as she finally raises them to meet mine. “I’m just so tired…”

“Minnie…” I swallow.

“But you never did. I waited, tested the grounds, planted the seeds in your mind. But you never once pushed me too far.”

I’m rendered speechless, so she just continues. Her voice is soft, but hurt. There’s a grittiness to it that’s imbued with pain and frustration.

“You proved me time and again that you were the man I knew you were, even when I hoped you wouldn’t. Sounds rather paradoxical, doesn’t it?” She gives a dry laugh. “I both hate and admire you for that, you know…”

“Minnie, do you think me capable of something like that?” I ask, trying to choose my words carefully.

“No,” she says as she shakes her head. “Which is ironic considering you kill people.” She laughs. “Would I have wanted you to force me? I can’t say for sure. Would I have hated you for it? Perhaps. But all I know is that sometimes I wish I didn’t have to make any decision at all. I’d love to live for once, you know. Without the burden of fighting for my life; of one wrong choice that can condemn me to death…”

Her lips tip up in a sad smile. So sad it damn well pierces my heart.

“I’m sorry if my words upset you. Maybe I didn’t phrase it as well as I should have,” she continues. “It’s just something I’ve been struggling with.”

This is the first time I’ve heard the word struggle on Minnie’s lips.

Although I’ve only recently found out about her past and the fact that she’s being hunted, I’ve never once seen her down or pessimistic about her situation. In fact, ever since I first met her on the highway, with barely any clothes on her back and starving, she’s been nothing but cheery and bubbly about life, finding joy in everything around her.

I’ve been so wrapped up in her brightness that I failed to see the lurking shadows.

She’s been shouldering such a weight for so long… I can’t begin to imagine how hard it must have been for her.

I take a step forward. Then another until I stand before her, my arms wide open. She eyes me warily, but slowly, she reaches for me, nestling within my arms and letting me be the brightness to her shadows for once.

“You don’t need to make all the decisions anymore, Minnie. That’s why I’m here. But I will not take away your choice from you. I’ll merely share half the burden.”

A tremor goes down her body and a sob echoes in the stillness of the room.

I hold her tighter.

Her cries are soft at first, but slowly, they intensify until she’s bawling.

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