Page 53 of Morally Corrupt

He suddenly leans into me and gives me a very loud smooch.

"Love you, babe," I laugh.

"Yeah, well, wait until you see the jacuzzi. I made sure there was one." I lift my eyebrows suggestively. We'd had some sexy times in a jacuzzi on our honeymoon. You see, I'm trying to earn brownie points here to distract him from the mess I made.

We pull into the man-made driveway and park the car.

"Babe," he says, inhaling the fresh air. "Best idea ever." I wink at him, and we proceed to unload our small bags from the car.

I'd initially rented this for the whole weekend, but since we need to be at my father's house tomorrow, we might as well make the best of this. It's almost mid-May, and the weather is warm enough for the outside jacuzzi. In fact, we may get away with some lake action too, if the water isn't too cold.

We enter the house, and after checking the rooms, we drop our bags in the master bedroom.

"Shit." Theo stops suddenly. "I don't have any swimming trunks."

"Don't worry, already packed them." I remove our swimming suits from my bag, and we quickly change.

The jacuzzi is located right in front of the house, on the porch, overlooking the lake. It's a fantastic view.

After we get in, I snuggle to Theo's side, and we stay like that for a moment.

"Babe…" he starts, his hand going to my bare stomach. "Would you be willing to go for a fertility checkup?" I lift my eyes to meet him, and I am momentarily at a loss of words. "The both of us, of course."

I don't know how to reply. I've been putting off for so long, giving him a proper answer, I don't know how to respond to this. More than me saying yes to this, there are several things I'd have to seriously consider, like my reliance on coke.

"You really want to get pregnant, don't you?"

"I've always wanted to be a father, and I'm not getting any younger. I thought you wanted kids too…" He lets the sentence hang, and I feel the unspoken reproach, so I immediately lie through my teeth.

"Of course, I do. I just hoped it would happen naturally, you know, now that I'm off birth control."

"It's been six months, and it's not as if we haven't tried."

"You're right. I guess I didn't really keep track," I lie.

"B, please tell me if this isn't what you want."

"Of course it's what I want. I'd want nothing more than to have your child."

"I'm glad." His arms tighten around me. "So, what do you think of my suggestion?"

"We should do it. We should make appointments when we get to the city."

"Thank you!" He kisses my temple before peppering kisses on my whole face. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

He turns me around, so I'm straddling him. He leans in and gives my lips a nibble before resting his forehead on mine.

"You really make me the happiest."

Oh, Theo… if you only knew.

* * *

We're in bed, wrapped in each other's arms. Discussing children with Theo has made me realize the depth of his desire to be a father. In turn, it solidifies my decision to wean myself off drugs, get clean, and actively try to get pregnant. Who knows, maybe I'll be a good mother.

A part of me is afraid that I won't love the child, but at the same time, considering my feelings for Theo, it seems impossible that I wouldn't love any part of him.

The only outstanding issue is my dependence on coke. I'd had a few lines in the morning, after trying to go a couple of days without. My determination hadn't lasted long. But now, I am once again motivated. Although, honestly, I'm not looking forward to at least a week of feeling like shit.

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