Page 43 of Morally Corrupt

"I know. Fuck, don't I know it… But he won't give up this crusade of his. He's going after Jimenez regardless of whether I approve or not."

"It's a suicide mission."

"I don't know what I can do. I honestly don't know. He doesn't even tell me that. Everything I know about him that's not on paper is by having him under surveillance. He hides from me just as much as I hide from him."

"Then why don't you try a little truth for a change?" I give a fake laugh.

"The moment he knows who I am… what I am…. is the moment he walks away. I'm sure of it."

"How can you be so sure? You've told me before that you heard he liked innocent women, so you turned yourself into one. But how do you really know he won't accept you for who you are?"

"Because," I say, aggravated at both myself and the situation, "He fucked me once against a wall, and then he was profusely apologizing by cooking and setting up a candlelight dinner. For a fucking quickie against the wall that was a little rougher than the norm. How do you think he'd react to me killing for a living because I enjoy it, not because I need the money? Better yet, how do you think he'd react to knowing he fucked me in the most obscene ways disguised as a hooker before I even met him as Bianca? Oh, and let's not forget the part where I stalked, tracked, and investigated him for years so I could mold myself into his ideal woman?" I'm breathing hard at this point, all my frustrations and worries out in the open.

"Well… when you put it like that, it does sound bad."

"Of course it sounds bad! Even to my ears, it sounds bad, and I did all that. Fuck me now," I say, exasperated.

"But have you thought that maybe if he knew the real you, he'd also show you the real him? Because I'm not convinced of that 'innocent woman' act. You know that men in my culture are often guilty of the Madonna-whore complex. He fits the mold. You also forget I've met the fucker. He's so stiff and proper; I'd never believed him capable of what he did to you as Pink. But he did. That tells me he's hiding something beneath the surface, and it's simmering. Men who hold it in like this… when they explode, it's not pretty."

Biting my nails, I nod. "That's just the thing. For him, Bianca would be the Madonna and Pink the whore. But I don't think he could ever merge the two in his mind."

"You won't know if you don't give him a chance. I'm telling you, B, I just think there's more to the man than we know."

"Ugh… I really didn't need this."

"Now… back to your issue."

"Which one?"

"The coke. How often?"

"Every couple of days," I reply hesitantly.

"Hell, B… it's not okay."

"I know… but I've never had the time to properly wean myself off it."

"You need to do it and soon. It might just get you killed."

"Yeah," I agree.

"Tell your husband you have a trip abroad for your charity or whatever. I'll help you. You know I have the experience."

"When?" I ask, thoughtfully considering his proposition. Just now, I realize how much the drugs have been messing with my mind. Vlad is right. I am slipping.

"Next week?"

"I'm meeting an arms dealer on Monday."

"Good. This works. Come to the club on Friday. Say you will be gone for at least a week."

"Vlad… ugh, I don't know. Won't he get suspicious? With the cheating thing and all?"

"You need your wits about you, B, if you want to protect himand yourself. I didn't want to tell you this now, but Martinez's death caused quite the commotion among the cartels. There are whispers that Ortega is seeking retribution. And you know who the target will be."

"Then, more than ever, I need to be with Theo."

"I can have my people on him." I shake my head at his words. I can't leave Theo in the care of strangers.

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