Page 58 of A Smooth Operator

"Hell, yeah, I feel guilty."

"I don't want that. That's not a good enough reason for me to date you."

"Can you look at me?" He took my hands in his and when I finally raised my eyes, he smiled. "I do feel guilty. I feel ashamed of my behavior. None of that changes the fact that I'm also in love with you, Echo Devlin, and I want to show you off."

"Just a minute ago, I was a fat bitch and a leech."

I hated repeating his words because I could see the hurt in his eyes. But I wasn't past it; I hadn't gotten over it. This wasn't just about Remi; it was about a lifetime of abuse, of being told I wasn't good enough.

"I'm so sorry about that."

I pulled my hands away from him. "I don't need any apologies. It's fine. I'm past it in the sense I don't hold it against you."

He cocked an eyebrow. "All evidence points to the contrary, Doll."

"Look, it's not just you. I've been hearing this stuff forever, and I don't want to date someone who has ever thought about me that way. There are billions of people in the world, Remi; I don't want to be with someone who at one point looked at me like I was dirt."

"Any of these billion people in love with you, Echo?" he demanded gruffly.

Well, butter my backside and call me a biscuit cause he made an excellent point.

"Maybe I don't believe that you love me," I replied lamely. "Once this chase is over, once I give in, it'll be the way it used to be. You'll sleep with me and keep me at a distance."

He looked like he was in pain. For two months now, he'd been trying to make up for his wrongs, and he was realizing now that he was nowhere close to being forgiven. I didn't want to hurt Remi, but I also didn't want to be vulnerable around him.

The hurt he'd caused had almost driven me away from my life. I had quit my job. I had even thought of leaving Memphis so I didn't have to see Remi again. Letting a man, or anyone for that matter, have so much power over me was dangerous.

"I thought you were giving us a chance." He sounded tremendously sad as he poured coffee into cups.

"I can't take that risk. I can't get hurt like that again, Remi."

He took my hand in his. "What if I promised you I'd never hurt you again; at least not intentionally?"

"You weren't intentional last time either," I pointed out. "Remi, why do you think you're in love with me?"

He kissed my hand, which he was holding. "Because you're the first person I think about when I wake up and the last person I want to talk to when I go to bed. I can be myself with you, always. You don't judge me. You'll tell me straight up how you feel, no pussyfooting. I like that. It makes me feel safe to be with you." He took a deep breath and continued, "I love makin' love with you. I love how tight you are when I come inside you. How you whimper when you come on my tongue. How you blow me. I love how you cook for me; or how you used to cook for me."

This all seemed sincere. I really wanted to believe him, but if I did and he let me down, I wouldn't survive a second blow.

He took me in his arms. "I know that I make you happy. Even now, when you're scared, you're happy to see me. You enjoy my company. You like talking to me about your work. You're the best relationship I've ever been in, Echo."

"You're the only relationship I've ever been in," I countered.

"It's just a date," he kissed my nose. "Let me show you how much you mean to me."

"Your mother, Lani, Marina, they'll all be there, Remi. It'll be a clusterfuck."

He grinned. "That's what my father also said, and he thinks it's high time we had one of those."

Dallas had kept it professional with me at work and never mentioned what his son told him about us. I hadn't broached the topic either. I wanted to keep the personal and professional separate as much as I could, though Remi was making it impossible by showing up at my lab all the time. Since he worked evenings and nights, his days were free. I wasn't sure when he was sleeping, though.

"Can't I come like before? Pretend that Dallas or Lani invited me?" I suggested, giving in.

"No. As my date."

I gently banged my head against his chest. "I can't do it, Remi."

He stroked my back, holding me close. "Please, Echo."

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