Page 72 of The Bull's Head

Teddy shook his head. “He’s not a freak to us. He’s a young boy who got the short end of the evolutionary stick.” Teddy leaned in. “I honestly believe that Wald will be getting more and more so called rejects from other packs. Those who can’t or won’t fit in because of looks, sexual preference, or any other reason that some shifters look down on others. Damon said he’d talk to the packs, but Mal said don’t bother. They have room and asked why other packs should be forced to take members they don’t want, because that will only lead to hard feelings.”

“But that’s not right….”

Teddy swallowed a mouthful of the pasta and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “No, and Mal said that as well. He told Damon to work on changing the hearts and minds of people, get them to see how alike they are, rather than the differences that separate them, but not to put people into the position where they’ll be bullied tacitly.”

“Mal sounds pretty smart.”

That brought a sigh from Teddy. “He’s… different than Damon. Not better, but not worse. Just… different. I wish I could explain. They both seem to have the same goals, but when it comes to achieving them, they differ. Mal is more like someone using a scalpel to slice away the bad parts, where Damon is a cudgel, storming in and breaking heads. Both approaches have their good points, but I think they’ll get a lot more done working together on a problem.” He grinned. “I’ll tell you something, but don’t share it around. I think that Damon and, maybe, Mal are going to be tapped to be on the council.”

“Really?”

An eager nod. “The current council is grumbling about all the changes taking place. They’re upset that people are deferring more to those actually dealing with the issues instead of coming to them. Mal and Alp had an idea about creating a database with information about each shifter, so if someone went missing, they’d have early warning and word would go out through the packs so everyone was updated. Mal presented it to the Council, who complained about the logistical nightmare of creating it. So Mal went over their heads. He and Damon hired a computer expert to do the basic work. It took him and his people about ten weeks to have the structure done, and after that, it was inputting the information, which Cece is coordinating. A lot of families are happy, but the council is bitching that they weren’t involved, even though they’d been given the chance to be part of it.”

Byk sighed. “Power struggles? When everyone’s lives have been uprooted?”

“That’s what Alp said. He was pissed and got his family involved. Nura Dawkins—she’s his mother and a veritable force of nature herself—is getting everyone in their family—over five hundred people—to make calls, write letters, and the like. Cece is giving them financial aid to do it, with Damon’s cooperation, and they’re ruffling a lot of feathers as the call goes out, with more and more people demanding action. It seems that they want to know how Hiram could betray his sleuth, how the Council can be dragging their feet, and they’re demanding accountability for this whole mess.”

Byk knew it was needed, but he didn’t think it was fair to blame the Council alone for it. “What about all the Firsts who had people turn up missing? How can we blame the Council if no one told them what was going on?”

“It’s their job to know. They get updates from every pack, sleuth, crash, brood, pod, and the like.”

“But how many people is that?” Byk put his fork down. “I’m not saying the Council doesn’t bear some responsibility, but you said Damon and Mal were pushing. What stopped other Firsts from doing the same thing? I was gone for six years—so was Alp. I’m willing to bet that his parents at least pushed on until they exhausted every avenue open to them. Other parents did the same. At what point do we put the cutoff over who should have done what?”

“You don’t think your parents looked for you, do you?”

That was the heart of the matter. Byk didn’t believe they cared that he was gone, but they had to have at least looked for Cooper. “They searched for one of us,” he finally replied.

“Look, I don’t know them, but I do know you. If you want, we can go there today. Now. See them. Or you can call them.”

Bile surged in Byk’s throat. “And tell them what? I ran? I left my brother to die?” he all but screamed. Around them, heads turned in their direction, and murmurs rippled through those assembled.

“You didn’t leave him to die,” Teddy said, his voice never rising above a whisper as he gripped Byk’s hand. “You had a plan to save you both, and it was a good one. Had you stayed and fought, do you think the two of you would have fared any better? And be honest.”

Be honest? Fine. He understood what Teddy was saying. “No, because I’m too weak. I’m useless. Is that what you wanted to hear?” Byk crossed his arms over his chest. Knowing it in his heart was bad enough, but having Teddy agree he was weak? That hurt.

“Byk?”

He wouldn’t look up. He couldn’t.

“Sweetheart? Will you please look at me?”

Sweetheart? Byk tilted his head, unsure what to expect. What he got was a soft smile and an extended hand. He reached out and took Teddy’s in his.

“Can I ask something?”

A nod.

“Why would you think you’re weak? Six years and you survived. Six years you didn’t give them the satisfaction of breaking you. Not one person, even those who didn’t survive, in this hellish place was weak. They were so fucking strong, not giving up. You can choose to believe this or not, but you were far stronger than I could have been.”

No, that wasn’t possible. “You would have fought,” Byk replied, his heart hurting.

“I would have died,” Teddy countered. “After Hiram dumped us on the mountain, my heart was broken. I’d given up. Ivan kept telling me if I didn’t fight to live, I was disgracing the Maker, but I had no will left in me. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw their faces. Those sweet, innocent children whom I adored so much. They were so full of light, they made anyone who met them smile. You couldn’t help yourself. In an instant, the one who should have loved them most ended their lives. In my mind, I heard their voices accusing me of failing them. When it got too cold, I slept. In my dreams I saw them, staring at me, pleading for me to save them.

“I was broken, Byk. I welcomed death. I wanted it to take me. To end the unending pain. I was too afraid to live, until Cece found us. Slowly she and Damon tried to give us purpose again. But I no longer wanted purpose. I wanted those whom I’d failed to rest at last. I thought my death would accomplish that.”

But Byk knew better. “It wouldn’t. I hear the cries of those who died while I was still living. They wanted to live, but Hyde and his people killed them. That’s on Hyde, though. Not me, not you. We can’t take responsibility for what they did, even though it hurts our hearts.” He swallowed. “I know Cooper would have died, no matter what I did. And it hurts more than I’ll ever be able to say, but I want to live too. I want….”

Teddy squeezed his hand. “What is it you desire, Byk? Please, tell me.”

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