Page 50 of The Bull's Head

It made sense, and Teddy was grateful to Mal for the wisdom. “What about Alp?”

“Let me put it to you this way. Have you ever fought an animal? I mean, a real animal?”

“Yes. I once fought a mountain lion that was stealing food from our camp. What does that have to do with anything?”

“What do you think would have happened if you told the mountain lion not to do that?”

“It would ignore me, or maybe attack, if it was feeling bold or cornered.”

“Now imagine that cat is the size of a tiny bunny. Alp won’t be told what to do. You need to make him think it’s his idea, otherwise he’s going to ignore everything you tell him. His mother said he’s always been like that.” His lips twisted into a grin. “Let me tell you something. Alp is a big boy, and he’s going to be more hurt if we try to keep him out of it. He’ll find out eventually, then rant and rave, scream and cry, and need me to make things right again, but it’s better than the alternative.”

Mal would know best. Mates weren’t rare, but a bond like he had with Alp was. Shifters usually stuck to their own kind, but Teddy had never been interested in bear shifters. Too big, too aggressive, to damned loud. He wanted quiet and peaceful, to lounge with someone and not have to worry about who wanted to be in charge. If Byk needed to take the lead, that was fine, or if he preferred it to be Teddy, that would be good too. Or, crazy notion, they could walk side by side and help each other over the rough patches. That one sounded the best to Teddy.

If they could find out what Hyde and those bastards had done and find a way to fix it, Teddy would ask Byk to be his mate. Would ask him to share a life.

Please, Maker, let it be soon.

Chapter 16

My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me. My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me.

He kept up the chant like a mantra, needing to occupy his mind, which once again seemed clear. The ledge which he stood on had shrunk considerably, and he’d almost fallen twice. At one point, he’d kicked a big clump of dirt into the hole and never heard it hit the bottom, which only served to ramp up his fears.

My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me. My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me.

Ivan hadn’t spoken to him in what seemed like years. Byk wasn’t even sure how long he’d been in this hellscape. Through the darkness, he could see flashes of light that pulsed, then vanished. Sometimes there would be a flurry of them, then nothing for agonizing minutes.

My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me. My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me.

What was Teddy doing now? Was he sleeping? Byk hoped so. He didn’t want Teddy to exhaust himself, no matter what, because he had a feeling the dear, sweet man would run himself into the ground.

My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me. My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me.

How ironic was it? For years, Byk had wanted desperately to die, but now he’d give anything to live long enough to have Teddy hold him again. It was the only thing he wanted out of life, to be the mate of the man who showed him it was okay to live again.

My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me. My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me.

When did Byk realize he loved Teddy? That was easy. When he lay down on the soiled straw and held Byk close, then woke in the morning saying he’d slept well. At first Byk was dubious. How could anyone find that pen comfortable? Then he realized Teddy meant because he’d slept close to Byk, and his heart beat faster. Then there were the sweet gestures he’d made. Bringing him pumpkin definitely cemented Teddy’s spot in Byk’s heart.

Could they have a future? Would Teddy want to stay where they were? And why was that thought no longer as terrifying to Byk? Yes, the people had done unspeakable things there, but the building wasn’t to blame. And with what the First and his mate had done, it no longer even looked remotely the same. The smell of death and decay was gone, replaced by gentle scents from cleaning solutions, or soap, or any number of diffusers Alp had put in to give a pleasant background fragrance. It was no longer the house of a slasher, it was more like… a home.

My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me. My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me.

The ground shifted again, and Byk pressed against the wall, leaving no more room for purchase of any kind. There would be little he could do if it gave way other than plummet into the deep, dark hole beneath him. He pressed his fingers into the stone behind him, hoping to at least have a little more balance, but it was hard, unyielding. The only chance he had was for someone to?—

No one is coming. I’m going to die here. My hopes and dreams are gone now. The only thing that remains is pain, heartache, sadness, death. It’s what I deserve, and no one will miss me. How sad is it that knowing I’m going to die lets me regret the person I’d been, but no one will ever know it? Why couldn’t I have been stronger? Why couldn’t I have said “no, stop”?

My head and heart hurt. I don’t have any idea what happened, but I know it’s awful, and that the end is coming soon. Maybe it won’t be so bad. Perhaps the Maker will take pity on me, not that I deserve it.

I don’t deserve anything anymore.

File after file, box after box, a paper trail that became a blizzard of black and white as the ink-filled sheets piled up around Teddy, and still they were no closer to finding anything related to Byk. Despair clutched Teddy’s heart, because he knew if they didn’t find something—and soon—Byk would die. He wasn’t sure how, but he knew it.

His helpers had spilled out into the hall, the room being far too small to hold them all. He had Cece, Damon, Wiley, Ivan, Mal, and Alp assisting him. Micah had wanted to be part of it, but Damon said absolutely not. When he protested to his mother, surprisingly she sided with Damon and asked him to instead go paint. When she found Teddy staring at her, she shrugged.

“He’s far too gentle a soul to have it tarnished like this,” she said. “Any number of the things we’ve found would stain him, creep into his mind and set up residence. I know I can’t protect him forever, but I’m damn sure going to do it as long as I can.”

Even Wiley, who normally stood up for his brother, agreed. “I love him, but there’s a purity there that I count on to offset the awful, you know? It doesn’t matter what I see when Dad is training me, because I know that when I get home, Micah will be there, and he’ll shove it aside, and all will be right with my world. Even George, who is going to be my mate, can’t touch that darkness and turn it back into light.”

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