Page 45 of The Bull's Head

And that was what worried Teddy. Ivan was all about pleasure. His own. He was, as most who knew him understood, a slut. It didn’t matter if it was a guy or a girl, and looks never seemed to factor into the equation. All that mattered was Ivan had a place to dip his junk.

“I see that look, Theodore. The one that says, ‘Ivan will hurt Jerome, and we’ll be left to pick up the pieces.’”

And they would. Unless, of course, Jerome rebuffed him. After Ivan calling him kitten, it seemed unlikely Jerome would fall for Ivan’s schmoozing charm. At least Teddy hoped so.

“I thought you were in with Byk?”

“I was, but Gwyneth kicked me out so they could examine him.”

“Is he... was…?” Teddy wanted to say something, but the words wouldn’t come.

Ivan moved quickly, slipping his arms around Teddy’s shoulders and pulling him in. “He is unchanged from when you saw him last.”

“I shouldn’t have slept. I should have kept looking!”

“No, Theodore, you should not. You are no good to your Byk if you cannot function. Nearly asleep as you were, you could miss vital information. Your Byk will not begrudge you caring for yourself for a short while, trust me.”

It didn’t seem that Teddy knew Byk well enough to know whether he would forgive him his lapse. Then he understood that Byk took care of him, just as Teddy cared for Byk. It was a symbiotic thing, where they each saw to the other’s needs.

“Do you think he cares for me?”

Ivan chortled. “Of course he does. Look in the mirror, brother. You are big, strong, smart, and you look enough like me to be considered handsome. In dim lighting.” He kissed Teddy’s forehead. “You are a beautiful man, Theodore, from your skin to your soul. Anyone, man or woman, would be the luckiest person on the planet to catch your eye.”

“But Byk is?—”

“Very lovely as well,” Ivan interrupted. “The two of you would make the most beautiful of babies, if you could.” Strong fingers slid through Teddy’s hair. “And do not concern yourself. I truly believe that your Byk would care for you no matter the circumstances.”

Teddy sniffled. He hated being weak in front of anyone, but especially Ivan, who now stood stroking a hand over his back.

“You do know it is okay to cry, yes? I will not tease you for your tears, for it tells me your feelings are strong and genuine.”

Teddy squeezed Ivan so hard, he grunted. “I want to take him places for runs. Out in the woods, where we can go and he can nibble tender grasses, or to town for a milkshake, or to a movie. Maker, I want to do so many things with him.”

“You will have that chance, Theodore, I promise.”

Teddy knew better. That was something beyond any of their powers. “I prayed to the Maker to take me if only to make Byk better.”

“The Maker does not bargain. You know this.”

“I had to try, right? I mean, have you ever cared enough for someone that you would gladly give up everything to make it right for them?”

Ivan tucked a knuckle under Teddy’s chin and gently lifted until their gazes met. “Yes. You. When we were left out in the snow to die, I prayed to the Maker to keep you safe. It didn’t matter what happened to me, as long as you were well and whole.”

The admission rattled Teddy. “I asked for you to be taken care of if I died.”

Strong arms tightened. “We are stupid, you know. We blindly accepted that we were to blame for their loss, and we would have died if only to make it better. The problem with that, and it took me many years to figure it out, is that the dead don’t care. They are beyond such things. They reside with the Maker, who cares for them. They have no need for those of us left behind to apologize or sacrifice ourselves, because it will do nothing for them.”

Teddy had never considered that. As much as he had loved the children, nothing he could do would bring them back or help them find peace. Even Cece killing Hyde couldn’t do that. It only brought comfort of a sort to the living.

“I still wish it had been us who found him,” Teddy said through gritted teeth.

“As do I, but not for redemption. It was for those who still survived, who had gone through horrific things and came out of it. I look at the people here now, under Mal and Alp’s care, and I understand that anything we did was done for them.”

He was right. “Do you regret it? Taking those lives?”

“No, and I never will. I would not care if they had families waiting on them, because everyone here did too. They all had people who loved them and wanted them home. Revenge is not a good thing, but there are times, like this, where it is justified.”

A door opened, and a haggard looking Dr. Hamilton stepped out of the room. “Teddy?”

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