Page 42 of The Bull's Head

Daniel’s face came into view, and Callum couldn’t repress the smile. He was so handsome. Teddy was better, though. Wait. Who was Teddy?

“Who’s to say my brother isn’t gay?” Dan asked. “And by the way, that’s the word. Gay, not faggot, not queer. Gay. Grow the hell up, man.”

Cooper sneered. “Fag, queer, gay. Whatever. Callum is one.”

“And that affects you how? Callum is cool as hell, and one day you’re going to realize that and it’ll be too late for you to make amends for your bullshit attitude. You’re going to lose the one decent thing in your life, all for some garbage about him being gay. And I’m not saying he is or isn’t, because it doesn’t matter at all.”

“Dude, he pervs all over you! How can you say it doesn’t make you sick?”

“Because we look at girls. Does that make us sick?”

Cooper snorted. “That makes us normal.”

Dan sighed and clapped Cooper on the shoulder. “You don’t get it, and by the time you do, you’d better hope it isn’t too late.”

He was my best friend, and I treated him like shit. He—wait. He wasn’t Callum’s friend. Why would he think?—?

The image blurred, going from fuzzy to dark once again. Callum was sure he’d never heard Daniel talk about him like this, nor had he considered Daniel more than an acquaintance. Maybe it was all wishful thinking on his part.

“…is worrying himself sick over you.”

That voice. Oh! Ivan again. Why was it so hard to think? So hard to remember?

“He hasn’t eaten in days, and he only showered because I threatened to throw him in the stream if he didn’t. I’ve never seen him like this before. That tells me how he feels for you. He will likely be quite angry if he knows I told you these things, but Teddy feels as though he lets everyone down. He fears that the Maker never will grant him kindness again.”

Teddy had feelings for him? Wait. He knew that, didn’t he? He was certain Ivan had said it before, but though he tried, he couldn’t recall. It was as if everything was a mire in his head and thoughts were being sucked into it, never to be seen again. Things Callum—no, Byk—should know were just… gone. How was that possible? He tried hard to picture Teddy, but the image was blurry, out of focus.

The harder Callum tried to gather those shards of memory, the more they fractured, crumbling to dust and being swept away by the wind. Fear coursed through him, terror at whatever was stealing away bits of him and destroying them. He needed—needed—something. What was it? He’d been thinking about something, and now it was gone as if it had never existed. But it had. Hadn’t it?

He tried to focus on one thing. Something basic. His name! He could remember that, right? He was… was….

Like everything else, it was gone. He couldn’t recall anything about who he was, where he was.

“…thinks he’s not worthy.”

That voice. Where was it coming from? Who did it belong to? Could they help him remember who he was? Please, say my name. Tell me who I am. I’m so afraid. Don’t leave me. I don’t want to die.

Alp yawned, his head lolling, until it dipped and his chin rested against his chest. Teddy could understand. He was exhausted too. They’d been at it all day and hadn’t come across anything remotely relevant to what was done to Byk. His gaze swept the room, and despair clutched Teddy’s heart. They had barely made a dent in all of this mess. And with more of the base to be looked into, how much hadn’t they discovered yet?

“Alp, you should go home and sleep.”

With a start, Alp sat upright. “No, I’m okay.”

The shine from the drool on his chin told a different story. “It’s fine. I’ll continue to look. You go rest.”

The door opened and Mal stepped inside with Damon and Cece. “Any luck?”

“No,” Teddy snapped, shoving the box to the floor, where it tipped, spilling the contents. The anger was finally too much to hold in. “Every goddamn thing we’ve discovered is useless! We found details of horrors they committed, also receipts for the diner in town. Oh, and one for condoms and lubrication. Beyond that, nothing remotely relevant. They kept minutiae! Stupid things that serve no purpose, but the things they should have had at their fingertips? No, let’s put those into piles and we’ll go through them later.”

Mal took a step toward Teddy, but Cece brushed by him and went to her knees. She reached for Teddy, who wanted to pull away, but couldn’t. He needed the demon bear right now.

“Cece, I’m afraid.”

“I know, Teddy bear. You need rest, though. Dr. Hamilton says you haven’t slept in days.”

“I can’t sleep, don’t you understand? I close my eyes and all I can see is Byk lying on that bed, not waking up. I can’t fight something I can’t see.”

“You told me you wanted to be more than muscle. This is your chance to do just that. However, you need rest if you’re going to be of any use to your bull. Do you understand me? At least six hours of sleep, not just laying in bed tossing and turning.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small brown vial. “Gwyneth said this will help you relax and shut down your brain for a while. She said if you don’t get some sleep, your body will suffer for it.”

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