Page 63 of The Fall

“Oh, Grant,” she exclaimed, looking at the model of her future home. “It’s perfect.”

“We’re going to build it for you, sweetheart,” my dad said, meeting Paul’s eyes with a nod, his pride in his ability to make her dream home a reality. Rose had mentioned that Grant owned some land they were planning to build a house on. She threw herself into my dad’s arms as she cried happy tears, then my dad made a toast. Everyone in the room clinked glasses, and I felt arms slide around me as Josh apologized sweetly in my ear.

“I’m sorry. I love you,” he said, kissing my cheek, his warmth radiating from him. I nodded as I looked up to see Dean watching us. His expression was pained as he looked on at Rose. He stood still for several seconds before setting his glass down on the counter and walking out of the room. Feeling the need to go to him, I excused myself from Josh just as my dad recruited him to bring out the cake.

“Dean.” I stopped him at the door.

“Please apologize for me,” he said, opening the door, then closing it behind him. I opened it, stepping out, and grabbing his arm. “I can’t fucking take this,” he said as he faced me, his lips coming in hard and fast. I pushed him away with a fierce “No.”

He stumbled away, the hurt on his face ripping into me.

“It’s not right. You can’t just throw a fit when you don’t get what you want. You’re better than this.”

“You’re right,” he said, fumbling in his pocket for his keys. “It won’t happen again.” I nodded as he took a step forward. “But don’t think for one second that I’m giving up on you. I’ll be patient and wait for you to do…whatever it is you need to do.”

“I’m doing the right thing, Dean,” I argued.

“Bullshit,” he said, cupping the back of my head and forcing me to face him. “You’re cowering away in your corner with a safe bet. You don’t want to hurt him, I understand that, but you’re only going to hurt him in the long run.”

“You’re pretty confident about that, aren’t you, you smug bastard? You’re so sure I’ll come running back to you.” He dropped his hand and closed his eyes tightly.

“I’m running back to you, Dallas. Can’t you see that?”

“Took you long enough,” I said sarcastically.

He backed me up against the door, his frustration rolling off him.

“Does it feel good to see me like this? Completely fucking ruined that he gets to touch you when I can’t? That I’ll go home tonight out of my mind because he gets to have your smiles, your laugh, and your body? Because if having me like this is what you’re aiming for, I’m there.” I shook my head furiously as he leaned in closer.

“I’m not intentionally trying to make you feel any certain way. You damn men and your egos. He’s my boyfriend. You have no right to feel this way or to guilt me for being his.” I exhaled as he pushed away from the door, backing away slowly. “I’ve explained this to you repeatedly. You put yourself in this situation and have given me nothing but hell about it ever since.”

“Maybe,” he said, “and maybe I’m finally doing what you wanted me to years ago. I’ll keep fighting for you, Dallas, until you realize I’m not going anywhere.”

“Looks like it to me,” I said as he clasped his keys in his hands.

“Seriously,” he said as if I was the one being completely unreasonable.

“Get your entitled ass back into that house, spend the evening with my family—a family who embraced you as one of their own for half your life, might I add—and congratulate my sister. Right now, you’re acting like an ass. You don’t deserve my loyalty or theirs by pulling this crap.”

He looked shocked as he absorbed my words.

“You have no right to touch me, Dean, or to ask me to leave my ‘safe bet,’ or anything else for that matter. You have no right to judge my life or how I live it. I asked you to be a friend, not put yourself in direct competition with the man who’s held my hand through the last year of my life. He deserves my loyalty and faithfulness. You want to make me believe you, that you’re sincere about your feelings for me, fine. I’m giving you that chance now.”

I walked back into the house and downed a glass of champagne, trying to drown out the heat I felt from our exchange. No matter how I felt about my relationship with Josh, I owed it to him to stay faithful for as long as it lasted. I’d already blown it by returning Dean’s kiss.

I joined Josh in the kitchen and passed out several slices of cake as Dean strolled in through the back door with his arm around Paul. They seemed to be on the tail end of a serious discussion. I gave Dean a questioning look, and he answered with a wink and a knowing look and turned his attention back to Paul. I smiled slowly.

He came back.

The last few hours of the party played out smoothly. I watched as my sister and her fiancé said their farewells to the guests as they made their way out. Dean made it a point to be the last to say goodbye, and I couldn’t help but smile at him as he gave me a small amount of attitude with his curt goodbye. He even went as far as shaking Josh’s hand. Josh reluctantly took it, the unspoken promise of a good ass kicking lingering between them both. I pulled Josh back, wished Dean a good night, and noted his eyes brushing over our clasped hands.

It’s always a whirring sound. They sound nothing like trains like I’d been told. It was silent except for the never-ending whipping of the wind that surrounded me. In this dream, there were three of them circling and growing closer. I’d been in this dream before a thousand times. I shouldn’t be afraid, but still, I was terrified. I was in a field with absolutely no shelter. Three cylindrical clouds destroying everything in their path. The horizon was filled with light as the tornadoes mocked the peaceful skyline with their overbearing and destructive presence. The space between them and me was vast, and yet I could feel the wind lashing my face. I felt their eminence. They were coming…They were coming for me. Their path was clear by the way they surrounded me. The field’s blades started thrashing erratically as the fear set in. I screamed, but nothing came out. I felt helpless, hopeless. They were coming …

I woke up choking and gasping, a scream lodged in my throat. I turned to see Josh sleeping peacefully as I tried desperately to catch my breath. I let the tears fall silently as the feeling of complete despair stayed with me.

Tornadoes. Always the fucking tornadoes.

I evened out my breathing, then grabbed my robe, wrapping it around me. It wasn’t always the same scenario, but it was so close there was no mistaking the dream—and its effect on me remained the same.

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