Page 36 of The Fall

“Yeah, I’m that girl. If you want to show me you care, be there for me always, and don’t hold this against me. I did a lot of that stuff because I had a horrible crush on you. It seems silly now, don’t you think? You’ve screwed half the girls on campus. It’s just not realistic for you and me to be a couple, but I want you, Dean. I can’t help it, and I know you want me, too.”

“Not this way,” I snapped after discarding the condom and pulling my pants up. Her words crushed me. I had no idea how to come back from that.

“Dean? Come on! This isn’t fair. I waited for you for a year in high school. You never made a move. I got over it. Now you’re going to hold it against me for feelings you refused to show me you had?”

“You were barely sixteen, and that sick fuck Reiner obviously didn’t have a problem with it, but I did. I couldn’t be physical with you and live with myself. I wanted you so badly, but if I’d touched you, I knew it would have been the end of me. You weren’t ready, Dallas.” I sat against the door, my knees drawn up and forearms sitting on top of them. “You were way too young for anything serious, and I couldn’t handle the age difference, period.”

She looked completely stunned, as if I could knock her over with a feather.

“I spent three years crying over you, Dean Martin, wondering what in the hell I’d done that was so bad to lose you. I thought it was Reiner, and you’re telling me you cared for me so much you had to stay away?”

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you.” My heart was pounding as I laid it in her hands.

“Bullshit,” she said, sliding her panties on and picking up her bag. “I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure when you care for someone, you don’t abandon them and make them think they aren’t important. You tell them how much they mean to you. You touch them, you…you let them know you care…and you don’t fuck everyone they know and never speak to them again.”

“Is that what this is about? Who I’ve slept with?” I already knew the answer.

She pulled her skirt down and thought only briefly before facing me. “Maybe…High school, now here. I can’t go one day without hearing what an amazing fuck you are. I mean…how can I take you seriously?” She grabbed her bag and turned toward me as I sat, still blocking the door. “At least I have first-hand knowledge now.”

“Dallas, look at me,” I said, commanding her attention. She slowly looked down at me, a cloud of hurt covering her face. “It stops now. I only want you.”

“I am pretty much the only one left, aren’t I?”

“Stop it. I haven’t slept with half of the women you think I have.” It was true. My reputation had preceded me. But I was still guilty, and it was hurting her again.

“Well, we all have our dirty secrets, right?”

“I know everything, Dallas,” I said, tugging her hand from the floor so she was forced to look at me. I pulled myself to my feet. She pulled at the door, and I closed it, shaking my head. She let out a frustrated breath as she paced in front of me. “I know you dated Johnny Rivers your entire junior year and never slept with him. I know you went to prom with Michael Morehouse senior year and broke his nose that night because he cornered Rose at an after-party. I know you went to summer school to retake classes and raise your GPA. I know you smoked pot in the steam room on your senior trip to Florida. I know you damn near drowned in Lake Grapevine drinking with friends on the 4th of July. I know the car you drove, the guys you dated, and of two you left brokenhearted over the summer. I also know the very fucking minute you got into that car to come here, and the reason I know is because I asked. And the reason I fucking asked is because I had to know because I couldn’t wait for you to get back to me.”

My heart was pounding out of control as she let out a hard breath of disbelief, mouth gaping. Twin tears slid down her face as she studied me, absorbing my words. I scooped her into my arms, declaring to her what I’d wanted to for as long as I’d known her.

“I love you, Dallas. I just couldn’t do a damn thing about it until now.”

“You are romantic and beautiful but you are completely reckless with the people that love you”—Laura (Room 212)

Dallas

Now

Five cold showers due to Dean’s kiss and a temper tantrum with my wayward hair later, I was dressing for the Dallas Memorial fundraiser. All doctors unscheduled were asked firmly to attend, and I knew I would see Dean tonight. It took me hours to attempt to pick out a dress, only to throw on some clothes and spend close to a thousand dollars on a new one. It was a deep purple that hugged my torso perfectly and flowed loosely around the bottom. It had a deep V in the back, complemented with small, black rhinestones. I got a quick wax and spent another hundred getting an unnecessary facial. I would have to eat TV dinners for a month to make up for it. I was saving every spare dime I had to open my practice.

I was still furious with my inability to keep Dean’s touch out of my thoughts when Josh came in, dressed to perfection, then nuzzled my bare back. I pulled out of his grasp.

“What the hell?” he questioned, eyeing me carefully.

“This…fucking…hairdryer!” I said, throwing it down and watching the plastic pieces fly all over the floor.

“I guess you showed it who’s boss,” he said, his laughter echoing throughout my tiny bathroom.

“Will you get out! Just get out!” I said, shoving him out the door, half-animated, half-frustrated out of my mind.

“Jeez, I’ll get you some wine,” he said, backing up, his eyes wide.

“I’m sorry,” I offered in an apology. “Wine would be good, thanks.”

Damn it!

I shut the door behind him and slumped down on my toilet lid, breathing deeply.

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