Page 50 of Love and Other Lost Things

“Stop!” Jane gasped. She wrenched free and made a break for the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind her.

Her whole body shaking, Jane fumbled in her pocket for her phone. Though the moment played on repeat in her head, Jane couldn’t quite believe it had happened.

He hit me.

She dialed 911. “Please help,” she whispered into the phone. “Please.”

Outside the bathroom, she heard Matteo curse under his breath. A moment later, the apartment door opened and then slammed shut.

Jane crept out of the bathroom to check on Scarlett, who was thankfully still sleeping.

Ten minutes later, two police officers arrived, both men—a fact that Jane became aware of when Matteo calmly brought them up to the apartment.

“She has postpartum depression,” Jane heard Matteo say. “She locked herself in the bathroom. Thank God she didn’t have the baby in there.”

The officers turned to peer at Jane like she was an exhibit in the zoo. “Are you okay, miss?” one of them asked her.

“No, my boyfriend…” Jane still couldn’t believe it. “He hit me.”

Matteo turned to the officers. “I had to give her a shove to get the baby away from her. She was acting really crazy, threatening to hurt herself or our daughter. I was worried about what she might do.”

One of the officers scribbled something in his notebook, and the other reached out to take Jane’s arm. “Ma’am…”

Jane wrenched away. “Don’t touch me.”

The officers exchanged looks. Matteo was lying. Couldn’t they see that?

“Should we take her in for a 5150?” one of them murmured to the other, under his breath.

“A what?” she gasped.

The officer hesitated. “Your boyfriend is worried about you. I wondered if maybe you wanted to talk to someone. A doctor. Psychiatrist.”

Jane’s gaze flew wildly from one officer to the other. How could this be happening when Matteo was the threat? Not her. “You can’t take me?—”

“That won’t be necessary,” Matteo cut in.

“He’s the one—” Jane tried to explain, but Matteo’s hand was suddenly gripping her shoulder.

“I’ve taken a couple of days off work,” Matteo said, smoothly. “I can keep an eye on her and the baby. I also put a call in to her doctor.” He tightened his grip. Don’t say another word. She didn’t, because nobody would believe her anyway.

That night, he brought flowers and her favorite Chinese food.

“I’m so sorry, Janie.” Matteo hung his head.

Hands shaking, heart pounding, Jane told him she forgave him. Because what else could she say?

A week later, Jane went to the park, where she sat on a bench and stared at Scarlett in the stroller. Matteo had been a perfect partner since the incident last week, taking the baby for a walk so Jane could nap, rubbing Jane’s shoulders after a particularly tiring night.

But the bruise was still bright purple on her cheek, and she could still feel her body flying into the doorway every time she walked past it. That morning, as she’d stared at her face in the mirror, all she could picture was Mom’s face. The haunted, defeated look in Mom’s eyes.

Jane adjusted the blanket over her sleeping baby. And then she fished her phone out of the stroller and googled How do I leave my abuser. She’d have to delete her search history later. Just in case.

The first few links that popped up were for domestic violence hotlines. Maybe she’d go back to those but, for now, she kept scrolling, and found a list of articles with headlines like “Why Victims Don’t Just Leave” and “How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship.”

Jane clicked on the second one and scanned the bullet points telling her that it wasn’t her fault and she didn’t deserve the abuse. It helped, marginally, to see that. But what she really needed was some concrete information. She kept reading until she found the section about how to leave. There was information about how to find a domestic violence shelter, when to go, how to pack. Next came a section about safety.

The article detailed something called a protection from abuse order, or PFA, that she could apply for. It would be signed by a judge and state that Matteo couldn’t contact her or come within a certain distance. But, the article warned, if your abuser is only given a citation and not taken to jail, it might embolden them to pursue you further.

---