Page 37 of Love and Other Lost Things

Yolanda’s face screwed up in an expression that said: Men. What do you expect? “Does he pull out every time?”

“Yes.” And then after a pause, “I think so.” Oh God. Jane wasn’t sure. The truth was, she didn’t have enough experience to know. Things down there were always a little… wet… after they had sex. But sex involved lots of fluids, didn’t it? There was her own lubrication, and Matteo’s, and the mess on the sheets and her thighs after he pulled out. Even when Nik had used a condom, things had still felt… damp down there. And since Nik had been her first time, she’d bled after. So how was she supposed to know what was normal?

Yolanda was looking at her sideways. “Oh, honey.”

“Oh God.” Jane slumped against the wall. “Do you really think I’m pregnant?”

“Only one way to find out.”

Jane begged off work that evening, claiming a headache that was easy to fake when she was already pale and nauseous. Matteo wasn’t happy about it, but Yolanda offered to cover for her, so he waved Jane off with a grunt.

Under the pretense of buying some Tylenol, Jane ran to the pharmacy three blocks away and then quietly let herself back into the building. She tiptoed up the back stairs to the apartment and headed straight for the bathroom, carefully locking the door behind her.

It took her a couple of minutes to read the directions and examine the accompanying diagrams. She didn’t want to do it wrong and have to go and buy another one. Or worse, get a false response. But finally, Jane felt confident enough to uncap the plastic stick and pee on it. She set it on the counter and sank down on the edge of the bathtub to wait. Three minutes.

The longest three minutes of her life.

Jane sat frozen on the hard tile tub surround but her mind whirled. When had she gotten her last period?

I have no idea.

Those stressful, terrible first weeks after she’d left home came back to her in a wave. The pain of her injuries worsened by long hours in the car across Kansas and Colorado and Utah. And then she’d arrived in Los Angeles, and Kait had dropped her off at the motel, pausing before she drove off to ask if Jane was sure she wanted to stay here.

“Yes,” Jane had insisted. But she hadn’t been sure, not at all. And for those first weeks, her body had hummed with constant stress from the trauma of what had happened to her at home and the fear of how she’d survive. From literally counting her pennies and subsisting on ramen and other people’s discarded food. She’d probably lost five pounds that first week. Ten by the time she’d been gone from Linden Falls for a month. Jane wouldn’t have noticed when her periods stopped coming. That had been the least of her problems.

If she was pregnant, was it possible it had happened before she left Linden Falls? For one brief, unhinged moment, Jane’s chest filled with hope. If she was pregnant before she’d arrived in LA, she’d have to tell Nik, right? He’d have a right to know. Just the possibility of dialing his number, of hearing his voice, comforted her. But then Jane shook her head. Nik had used a condom. And Yolanda had seemed skeptical of Matteo’s pull-out method. Yolanda knew way more about this than Jane did.

The clock ticked down, but just as Jane was about to check the pregnancy test, there was a rap at the door.

“Jane?” It was Matteo. He knocked harder.

“Um.” Jane grabbed the pregnancy test box and stuffed it in the garbage. “One second.”

“What are you doing in there?”

“Nothing!” It came out sounding nervous. Too loud.

“Jane, open the door,” Matteo barked.

“One second,” she repeated. Jane wasn’t sure why her instincts were telling her to hide this from Matteo. If she was pregnant, it was his baby, too, right? But maybe she just needed to have a chance to process it first. To figure out what she wanted to do.

But Matteo was rattling the doorknob now. “Do you have another man in there?”

“What?” Jane gasped. “No! Of course not.”

He pounded harder. “Open the door, Jane. Right. Now.”

She cringed at that familiar anger in his voice. It had the same intensity as that moment downstairs when he was yelling at Kelly. Suddenly afraid, Jane twisted the lock and flung the door open, hurrying out into the bedroom.

Matteo glared down at her. “Don’t think I fell for your sick routine. It was obvious you were faking to get out of work. Were you trying to sneak around behind my back?”

“Matteo—no.” But she was a terrible actress. Because she had been sneaking around behind his back—just not in the way he thought.

“Then what’s in the bathroom?” He grabbed her and pushed her aside.

Jane stumbled, her shoulder knocking into the wall. Matteo stormed into the bathroom and flipped back the shower curtain as if she’d hidden a man in there. When he came up empty, he spun around, focusing on the counter by the sink. “What the hell is this?” He snatched up the pregnancy test and stared at the little plastic window.

Jane found herself praying like she’d never prayed before. Please be negative. Please.

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