Page 44 of Baby Love

Shit. Grabbing my cell phone, I call Khun Anong.

“I’m so sorry, Auntie. I had no idea it was so late,” I say when she answers.

“It’s no problem, Nong. You know that. I put Anya to bed an hour ago.”

“Was she upset? My, uh, friend mentioned that she might have been triggered about our parents when she heard your son talking about you moving to the States.”

“Oh, I hadn’t thought of that! I’m sorry, Nong, it never occurred to me. Of course I’m not planning on moving. I’ll reassure your sister of that as soon as I can.”

“Thank you, Auntie. I’ll come get Anya for breakfast in the morning.”

“You don’t have to do that. You can sleep in.”

“No, it’s okay, I want to spend time with her when I can. Goodnight, Auntie.”

When I get off the phone, Spin comes out of the bathroom fully dressed and gives me a tired smile.

“I’ll take you home,” I tell him.

“I can take the Skytrain,” he objects.

“No need. I don’t have to rush. Auntie said Anya’s already asleep. I can’t believe it’s so late.” I take my turn in the bathroom to change.

We’re just leaving the building when Spin’s cellphone rings. I try not to listen to his end of the conversation, but I can’t help it.

When he hangs up, he says excitedly, “Can you drop me off at The Pickle instead, P’Park?”

“Sure. Wow, you’re going out? I can barely stay awake.”

“Kiet wants to meet. This is the first time he’s spoken to me since I got into it with Daw that day.”

I nod. “Oh, that’s good. Maybe you guys can patch things up.”

It doesn’t take us long to get to the little bar, and as I tiredly watch Spin cross the street in the drizzling rain, I suddenly remember all the late nights we spent rehearsing the complicated dance routines for Dirty Dancing. Spin’s a natural—without him, I don’t think I could have done it. We laughed and cut up, and that time will be forever embedded in my memory as the last moments of my youth before responsibility hit hard.

Looking back, that year stands out as the beginning of my realization that I might be attracted to boys as well as to girls. Was I attracted to Spin? Yeah, I was. But I wasn’t ready to admit that to myself then and didn’t experiment with guys until I started working in bl’s. People would probably be surprised how many of us hooked up at the beginning of our careers in this industry.

Why am I thinking about this now? Because there’s a stark difference in what I’m feeling now and what I’ve occasionally felt over the last couple of years. Now, I’m consumed with wanting to protect my partner. Of wanting to talk to him. Wanting to touch him without cameras on us.

And there was the other night.

My plan has been to save as much money as I can so that when Anya grows up she won’t have to worry about finances. That means having a long-lasting, popular ship. We can’t afford to be in a real relationship that’s likely to ruin our work relationship. It’s too risky. Somehow, we have to manage to ride the fine line between reality and work.

Chapter Nineteen: Spin

Arush of relief washes over me when I walk into The Pickle and see Kiet sitting alone at a table in the back. When he sees me, he stands, and I throw myself at him, hugging him tightly.

“I hate fighting with you,” I say into his chest.

“I don’t remember us ever fighting before this,” he says, stepping back from our embrace. “I ordered you a beer.”

“Thanks. I wasn’t trying to fight with you,“ I say as we sit down.

“Right, you were trying to fight with Daw. That’s why…” His eyes move toward the door.

Looking in the direction Kiet is looking, my eyes widen in disbelief. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Kiet, please tell me you didn’t invite her here for this.”

“This is more about you and Daw than it is about you and me.”

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