I should be excited. It’s the March mandatory dinner tonight. A little early in the month but the rest of it Jasmine will be busy with our spring event for the foundation. Since both Daisy and Faye are too little to really remember it, and they’re the only March babies, she was fine with having it this early, but this thing with Bryan is wearing me down.
“What’s wrong? Missing Bryan that much with him working the night shift?”
“I could handle it if that’s all it was, but he’s been distant, not even texting me back other than little ‘sorry’ messages. He won’t answer when I call, and I mean, I’ve tried to be considerate of when I try and call even so I don’t wake him when he’s sleeping, but even then he hasn’t answered me, and I’ll just get a ‘sorry I was’ something message in return when I know he’s likely just gone on duty. He’s on at six and not off until normally six, but I tried calling him yesterday at four and then again today at five and not a peep,” I admit making her brow lift in shock.
“And he’s been like this since the dance?” she asks, and I nod. “Why didn’t you say anything before now? I’d have gone down there and kicked his ass for upsetting you if I’d known.”
“I don’t need you to protect me from this, Jill. I just…if he’s changed his mind about us, I’d rather he just say so, or completely ghost me, not this. It feels like pulling teeth to get him to respond at all and that’s not what I want. I don’t want him to feel forced to be with or even talk to me. I just…I really thought he felt what I was feeling you know?” I add and she gives me a big hug that calms more of me than I expected.
“You did say he also hated working traffic investigations though, didn’t you?” Jillian asks me a few minutes later as I get myself together to face our family in a bit.
“Yeah, so?”
“So…think of the one part of your job you hate the most and now think how you’d be feeling if you had to do that for two full weeks and nothing else?” Jillian states and I shudder at the mere thought of having to explain the concept of the ideas to a big group more than once a month.
“Alright, now also remember that Bryan is a lot more like you than me. If it were me that was having to do it, I’d just complain and complain and complain, right? Well, you’ve been dealing with this thing with Bryan for the last two weeks by yourself without a single word. Wouldn’t think of bringing it to even me, your most favorite sister in the entire world,” she adds making me laugh despite feeling blue still. “You all had only been seeing each other like a month, five weeks if you count that first dinner. Would you just offer up all of your frustrations and irritations if positions were reversed?”
“No,” I admit seeing her point. “When did you get to be so smart, huh?”
“I wouldn’t say I was smart, more like I grew up with an introvert, so I’m used to dealing with them, unlike you who’s used to dealing with extroverts like me. You’re both introverts so you keep more to yourself than you reveal, which means that if you want this to work with him, you’ll both probably have to push yourself out of your normal comfort zone at first. When you know each other as well as we know you, then it won’t feel uncomfortable, it’ll be your new norm. You’ll just have to remember that you both will always need to ask questions to make sure there’s nothing really deep bothering the other since you keep that stuff to yourself.”
“Thanks Jill,” I muse, thinking over her words and as I hear footsteps hurrying up the hall, I take out my phone and shoot off a new text to Bryan.
‘Hey, I know you’re working tonight so you might not see this until later, but if you need to talk, I’m here. I feel like we haven’t talked in weeks, and I probably should have asked or said it before now, but I’m here to listen whenever you need it. I know how hard it can be to share what I’m feeling and if it’s the same for you, I hope that we can push past it, because I’ve never felt like this with anyone before, and I don’t want to lose you by thinking I need to give you space but that’s not what you really need. If it is what you need, just let me know and I will, but I hope it’s not. Be safe and warm out there tonight, and call me when you’re ready, please.’
It takes a few tries to get it to say what I’m feeling, when really I want to just tell him I love him and hope he feels the same, and we can figure out everything else from there. I really don’t want to drive him away though, so I resist and send the message before going to see my family, soak up some of their love to hopefully dispel the worry flowing through me that I’m losing Bryan.
It’s closing in on seven when my phone buzzes with a message and I fight to stop from smiling seeing it’s more than just the ‘sorry’ type I’ve gotten lately.
Hi princess. You’re not alone in the one not saying things. I hope we can talk soon too. I’m really sorry I didn’t answer earlier but I got called in early tonight. I’ve been on since noon instead of doing the night shift. I won’t be off until at least ten but if you’re still up then, text me and I’ll give you a call if I’m off. If not tonight, then hopefully tomorrow night. The detective I’m covering for should be back then, so I’ll be off this relief. I’ll do my best to stay warm, it’s definitely a cold one out tonight.
It warms my heart and lets me mingle with the others easier as we sit down to eat. Jillian lifts a brow my way and I just smile, making her grin in return, and while I love seeing my family, I will time to move faster to hopefully be able to talk to him tonight.
Just before eight, my phone rings and I’m shocked to see Bryan’s name on it. I slip out of the room as everyone is lingering over the dessert pizza Mom made to answer him.
“Hey, is everything okay?” I ask because it’s hours earlier than he estimated he’d be free.
“Princess…” His tone puts my heart in my throat preparing for the worst.
“What’s wrong, Bryan?” I question when he pauses.
“I really wish I wasn’t calling right now, Jaime and that there was an easier way to say this but there’s not.”
“Say what?” I ask, as dread that he’s about to tell me he doesn’t want to see me again rolls through my body.
“Tonight’s one of your Sunday dinner’s, isn’t it?” he says instead sending my head reeling.
“Yeah, why?”
“Is your sister Jennie there,” he adds and my heart drops into my stomach.
“She and Zack are here,” I manage to tell him. “Her husband Troy isn’t, but he’s out of town until next week sometime. Why?”
“It’s Troy Lawson, they live at 1172 Meadow Lane?” he asks.
“Yeah, Bryan, what’s going on? What happened? Is there a problem at their house?” I ask, confused since he’s been on traffic these last two weeks.
“Not the house…god, I’m sorry, Jaime, there’s been an accident—car accident. It’s bad, princess,” he states, and I blink back the tears that threaten as his tone softens. “I wouldn’t have even mentioned any of it over the phone to you if I didn’t want to make sure that I was the one to tell your sister. I wasn’t sure if she’d be there tonight but thought I’d check before going by their house to tell her.”