Page 143 of Wife Number One

Understanding dawned in his eyes.

And then guilt.

Fuck him.

“You knew he was alive, didn’t you?” I whispered, knowing the truth but needing to hear him say it.

He looked away and then finally dragged his gaze to meet mine. “Yes.”

I nodded. It was probably the first truth he’d ever told me. But it did nothing to ease the hurt inside. I turned away, taking another swallow of the liquid. “Just leave me alone, Hawk.”

He paused for a minute, and I prayed he would listen.

Because I didn’t know how long I could stand there and defy him when every second felt so wrong.

He gave a single nod and backed away, his gaze holding mine until I let Riot and his friends surround me.

Anything to not have to see the aching hurt and regret in Hawk’s green eyes.

41

HAWK

Three drinks in, I stopped bothering with a cup and just took the bottle from behind the bar. I put it to my lips and swallowed mouthful after mouthful, needing the burn of the alcohol just so I could breathe.

“This is messed up,” War said quietly from the stool beside me. “We should take her back to my place.”

I shook my head, choking on the urge to do exactly what War said. “You think I don’t want that? You think I don’t want to go pick her up right now and get her the hell out of here? Trust me. It’s all I can fucking think about. But she’s made it very clear that’s not what she wants.”

Fang let out a frustrated groan. “She’s wasted.”

I strangled the neck of my bourbon bottle. “Lucky her. I wish I could say the same.”

Except the liquor I was downing like water had absolutely no effect in the face of Kara dancing on the motherfucking coffee table with Kiki and Amber, while half the Louisiana chapter cheered and threw money at them like they were strippers.

Amber and Kiki picked up the money, pocketing every bill, but Kara was lost to the music and the alcohol Riot had been plying her with, seemingly unaware of anything else. She swung her hips from side to side, her hands raised in the air, moving to the beat of the music.

She was so damn beautiful it hurt.

But all I could see was the hate and anger in her eyes every time I came near her. And the crippling knowledge that I deserved it.

“We should have told her about Hayden a long time ago,” I admitted. “Or at least, I should have. I screwed up.”

War sighed heavily. “Maybe, but it’s my fault too. I told you not to tell her. You thought you were keeping her safe.”

“Did I?” I laughed bitterly. “Or was I just really sure she would pick him over me and too selfish to let that happen?”

I knew the answer. I swore and raked my fingers through my hair. “I deserve this. I fucking deserve to sit here and watch every other man in this room think about getting her naked.” I didn’t even know she could move like that. So seductively. So perfect my balls ached with need. I was supposed to be in her cabin right now, holding her, touching her, feeling her soft tits in my hands and her warm pussy around my cock.

I was supposed to be caressing her. Kissing her. Making fucking love to her.

I wasn’t supposed to be sitting here watching every other man in the room think the same.

I’d seen some shit in my time as a VP. I’d been in fights. Broken bones. Had knife wounds that had needed more stitches than I could count. Been shot in the leg.

None of it had hurt as much as the look in her eyes when she’d told me that she knew.

I’d lost her before she was ever really even mine.

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