Page 13 of The Mrs. Clause
"Because you never loved me," the words came before I had a chance to temper them and once I started, I had no way of controlling the flow. Years of hurt, of trying to get over this magnificent man and failing, poured from me. "I heard you, Nick. That night in Scotland with the fucking CEO of Ridgeway and his lacky from Fallington Tech. Both of them consoling you for being stuck with me." I shoved away from the island, stalking to him, pressing a finger into his chest. "And you didn't defend me. You sat there and said nothing. Nothing!" The hurt and shame, the heartbreaking devastation cut, a soul deep crater that would never be filled. "You want to know why I left? Why would I stay with a man who didn't want me?"
"I wanted you," he told me, his face stricken. "I've always fucking wanted you, Collins."
I laughed, the sound brittle and bitter. "Sure."
"I'm not lying to you. That night? Those fucking bastards? You want to know why I said nothing? Because we were broke. Fucking broke." He threw his arms out to encompass the room. "All those long fucking nights, all those weekends stuck in the office. The company was going under. We were about to lose the house, everything." He ran his hands through his hair, his eyes boring into me. "I promised you I'd take care of you, protect you, ensure you had what you need. Those fucking men were one in a long list of assholes I needed to please to ensure our future." He slammed a fist into his chest.
"In here, it burned. It fucking burned to have to sit there and listen to them. To compromise every one of my core values, my beliefs, my love for you. And I had to do it over and over. Giving time to weasel men, filling my soul with filth. And then I turned around and destroyed them. He looked at me, his eyes burning. "You were my light. My one good thing. I'd come home to you, knowing you were safe and happy. You'd kiss me and I'd feel new. Clean." He shook his head. "But that was all a façade wasn't it, Collins? And yet, even after you left, I strived to please you. To visit retribution upon every single one of those assholes. Fallington Tech? Ridgeway? We own them and those assholes are gone." He scoffed, looking away. "And yet it didn't make a difference, did it? You weren't here."
"We were broke?" I whispered, unsure of where to even start with this new information.
"Completely. Your father hid it. The accountants uncovered the debts nine months into our marriage."
That was about the time Nick had started to spend more time at the office. All this time I'd thought…
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Would it have made a difference?" He asked.
"Yes." A strangled laugh bubbled up and broke free. "Nicholas, this makes all the difference." I closed the distance between us, placing a hand on his chest. "I could have helped. I could have supported you better. Given you more. Understood why you pulled away. Instead you let me abandon you because I thought you didn't want me. Could never love me."
"Never." He barked the word, and I felt his conviction. "I love you, Collins. Desperately."
"Then why did you never come?" I started to withdraw but he caught my hand, holding it over his heart.
"I had nothing to offer you except the threat of bankruptcy."
"But Nick, don't you understand? I don't care about money or things. All I've ever wanted is you." I blinked back tears. "Do you still love me?"
"Fiercely. But when you walked away, perhaps it was pride or self-preservation, but I assumed you didn't love me. And I would never force you to stay in a loveless marriage."
We stared at each other for a long moment, his hand warm over mine, his heart strong under my palm and nothing but truth in his eyes.
"How did this happen, Nick? How did we get to a point where we've lived separately for so many years?" I sniffed, a deep well of pain morphing into sadness. "We've wasted so much time."
"I didn't trust you enough to confide our troubles. And you didn't trust me enough to tell me about your needs." He pulled me closer, wrapping his free arm around me. "We aren't the same people we were. But let's be better. Let's communicate more, and work on this."
I nodded, tears falling softly.
"And for the record, we're rich. Ridiculously so." His mouth quirked into what could almost be called a smile. "We're technically billionaires."
I blinked. "Excuse me?"
"I may have sold my soul to begin with, but the tradeoff is that I can nowbuy small nations." He tilted his head. "Fancy an island for Christmas?"
"No," I raised up on tip-toe, cupping the back of his head. "Just a kiss, thank you."
"Only one?" He murmured, lowering his head.
"Only every one you have to give."
"Mm," he murmured against my lips. "I can do that."
Chapter Seven
Collins
I woke to find Nick still peacefully slumbering beside me. For a long moment, I watched him with a bone-deep contentment warming my insides. I chose not to dwell on the years we'd lost, instead focusing on the now. We were back together, and that is all that mattered in this moment.
