Page 41 of Sweet Surrender

“It has to be. It’s a shame it had to turn out this way,” I added as her eyes went watery again. “At least we can’t say we didn’t enjoy ourselves.”

I didn’t believe myself. I heard the emptiness behind my words, but it changed nothing. This was how it had to be. I had worked too hard to throw it all away, even for somebody like Sienna. And she had worked too hard to throw her life away on me. I had done some regrettable shit in my time, but to ruin her would be unforgivable.

She let out a single, faint whimper before finding her purse and fishing a pair of large sunglasses from inside. Sliding them on did little to disguise the fact that she’d been crying. With a long, shuddery breath, she squared her shoulders, lifted her chin, and walked out to the front door while I watched.

I was watching her walk out of my life. No, that wasn’t true. She would always be part of my life, an ever-present reminder of my stupid weakness and my ability to ruin the lives of the people around me. I would never be rid of her.

And even now, full of regret and self-loathing, I knew I didn’t want to forget.

I didn’t want to forget a minute of it.

19

SIENNA

This was new, feeling like I had to tiptoe around my own company on Tuesday morning after spending Monday wandering my apartment like a zombie, hiding from the world. I was the first person to arrive, hell-bent on doing damage control inside and outside the business. Jules had sent out a call to get everybody in and at their desks as early as they could manage this morning. All hands on deck.

And all because of me.

Beating myself up wouldn’t help anything, but at the moment, it was all I could do. Stupid, so stupid, what was I thinking? That had not been the time or the place to go down on him, but I had done it anyway. I knew better than that. It was my job to know better.

It didn’t matter. Now, I could only try to make it up to the people I had inadvertently hurt. First on the list was my business partner, who barely looked at me as she took a seat in my office without stopping at her desk first to remove her jacket or leave her purse. That might have been the toughest part of all, the way she refused to meet my gaze.

“I’ve been doing some digging,” I told her while she arranged herself in the chair across from mine. “You know, Noah has been convinced all along that it was Drake Thomas behind that article. But after going through his social media posts this morning, I’m inclined to believe it wasn’t him.”

She tipped her head to the side, eyes narrowing as she regarded me the way she would regard a suspicious stranger. Was this how far we had fallen? “What has that got to do with anything?” she asked.

“I’m operating under the assumption that whoever took and shared these photos is the same person trying to take Noah down. Drake is out of the country.”

“I see.” She didn’t say anything more than that. I had no way of knowing what was going on in her head.

I had done this to myself, right? A chilly attitude was the least of what I deserved.

“I sent a request to the photographers yesterday. They sent the photos from the clinic over to me. I’ve been combing through them all morning, but I haven’t found anything necessarily suspicious.”

“Okay, can we drop this for a second?” She tucked her chin close to her chest, her brows raised. “How could you do this? You, of all people. You’re supposed to be the one person I can trust because we’ve both sacrificed so much for this company.”

“I know, and I am so sorry.” If anything, I was glad she had brought it up since there was no ignoring the elephant in the room. It took up all the space and the oxygen. “It was stupid, and I have no excuse. I don’t blame you if you never forgive me, but please, let’s not throw everything away.”

“I wouldn’t be the one throwing it away,” she countered, almost slamming her iced coffee on my desk. “It would be you. You are the one who did this. All I can do now is deal with the fallout. Do you understand how much credibility we’ve lost?”

“Do you have any idea how much I’ve beaten myself up because of that?” I countered in a fierce whisper. “Yes, I’m completely aware. And I am sorry. I wish I could go back and do it differently, but I can’t. All I can do is try to clean up the mess. And I am trying, I really am.”

“I know you are.” But it doesn’t make a difference. She didn’t have to say it. I felt it, and it hurt. It made me wonder if we could ever get back to where we started. Back when she trusted me.

“Was it worth it?” she whispered. Her voice was shaking, and tears were in her eyes when she finally bothered meeting my gaze.

“It’s so much more complicated than that.” Normally, that would be her cue to wave it off and tell me not to bother, that she wasn’t going to pry. Except, she didn’t do that. She merely settled back in the chair, coffee in hand again, wearing an expectant look.

I had already swallowed my pride so many times. Why not once more? “You’re the only person who knows this,” I warned before launching into the story of how I had accidentally ended up getting involved with Noah. She didn’t need the details, of course, so I left them out. It was enough to explain how it all started out accidentally, thanks to her invitation to the party at Club Caramel.

Her mouth hung open by the time I finished. Somewhere along the line, she had gone from sitting back with her arms folded to leaning in, hanging on to every word. “And it was him all along? Holy shit. What are the chances?”

“Believe me. You’re not asking yourself anything I haven’t already asked myself a hundred times, and I still haven’t figured it out.” There was something refreshing about coming clean. I felt lighter, having unburdened myself.

“That doesn’t absolve you,” she pointed out, though she was no longer as chilly and detached. “You know that, right?”

“Of course it doesn’t. I was stupid to sneak off with him on Saturday. And I’m so sorry to bring any of this down on us. It’s going to be all right,” I insisted.

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