Page 34 of Sweet Surrender

“For what it’s worth,” Rose interjected. “I didn’t find out about any of this until after the fact from these two. I wanted so much to go to you, but Noah made me swear not to because it would mean word got out. Nobody wanted to hurt you.”

“All because Noah told you to shut up about it?” I concluded. The three of them nodded almost in unison. “That’s… surprising.”

And he had never said anything to me about it. Why? Why keep it to himself for all these years? Why let me hate him when we could’ve cleared this up? “I don’t understand why he never said anything,” I whispered more to myself than to the girls.

It was Rose who provided an answer while pouring herself fresh coffee. “You might have missed the memo, but none of these guys is good at being human. Showing feelings. Apologizing.” She rolled her eyes dramatically while we all snickered in recognition of the truth behind her words.

But for ten years?

I couldn’t tell myself he’d forgotten about it since my chilly attitude had never warmed up. I had gone through the motions for the sake of our families and friends, but that was where my efforts stopped.

Why couldn’t he just apologize and get it over with? No, instead, he had gone out of his way to spare my feelings and threaten to kick some ass.

We changed the subject once Mom came in from outside, and that worked for me. I was too overwhelmed and conflicted to stay on this topic a minute longer, so I gladly listened to Aria as she complained about the guy from our spin class who’d been giving her major attitude ever since she’d saved a bike for me when he wanted to use it. I couldn’t imagine getting mad about something that trivial.

Though I was no stranger to holding a grudge. All those years, I’d hated Noah, resenting him for treating my feelings like they were a joke. Like I was so insignificant, my humiliation didn’t matter.

I went through the motions of enjoying our meal, laughing and gossiping the way we could only do without the presence of the guys. As far as I knew, they were out on the Goldsmith family yacht. I wished I could find Noah and pull him aside, though I didn’t know what I would say if I had him in front of me. It would probably be best to let the whole thing go. Compared to the mess we were currently in, it seemed inconsequential.

After convincing Mom I’d be fine to drive home, I set off about an hour later. Traffic was light enough that I could cruise at a steady pace, music blaring. I didn’t have it in me to sing along like I usually did during a long drive. I barely heard a note, anyway. My mind was too occupied elsewhere.

I was wrong about him.

I was also wrong about me.

I told myself I wouldn’t let him get to me, but I had. He was already under my skin before I found out he was the man in the mask who made me do things I’d never dreamed of. And as soon as his hands were on me on Friday night, I didn’t have a prayer. There was nothing for me to do afterward but lie there, trying to catch my breath, fighting to figure out what the hell just happened and why I was so disappointed he left before we could continue.

It was hopeless. I would spend the rest of my life torn between craving more of what I had only ever found with him and knowing we could never go anywhere. I wasn’t sure I could maintain a casual, hookup-only relationship with him. That wasn’t my thing. I had never been able to pull it off.

On top of that, we couldn’t keep it a secret for long. It was shocking nobody figured out what happened on Friday, but then they were all busy getting drunk on the beach at the time. I doubt anybody was keeping track of how long Noah was in the house with me. Even if they had, no way would they have guessed what we were up to. Not when I hated him like I did.

Or like I used to.

It was all such a mess, compounded by what I now knew about what went down years back. He had made sure to protect me from the fallout of what he had done. All this time, I had only wanted an apology, but he had done much better. He had wrapped me in a protective bubble to make up for the pain he’d caused.

I had to talk to him.

I needed to clear the air once and for all.

No more assumptions, no more misunderstandings. There was only so much of this push-and-pull I could take.

By the time I pulled into my usual parking spot in my building’s garage, I was determined to call him and invite him over. He probably wouldn’t get back into town until later in the day, but that would give me time to practice what I wanted to say.

I was out of the car, reaching into the back seat for my bag when another car door opened a few spaces down. I hadn’t noticed the Bentley, but I wasn’t looking for it. Yet somehow, it made sense to see Noah emerge, hitting me with a hard stare over the top of the car roofs between us.

“What brings you back so early?” I asked with my heart in my throat. The question echoed off the concrete all around us.

“I suddenly remembered some work I had to catch up on.” He smirked at what sounded like a lie he’d told as an excuse to get away. “You?”

“Same.” I inclined my head toward the elevator doors leading up to my apartment. He nodded, then followed me out of the garage without another word. Like this was how it was meant to be all along.

16

NOAH

Had she ever invited me up to her apartment before? I couldn’t remember being here. It was big and airy with minimal decor. I could appreciate that. I didn’t like a lot of clutter.

That was hardly at the forefront of my mind on first entering, standing in the foyer once Sienna closed and locked the door behind us. Come to think of it, she hadn’t invited me up this time, either. There hadn’t been any need to. Some things didn’t need to be said, and we had always done so well together without using words.

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