Page 98 of Can We Just Be Happy Now?

No one seems to understand. It’s evident by the fact that nothing has changed since last summer. He’s not willing to communicate, to see my side. I might not be perfect, but he doesn’t trust me and we’re never going to be together if that’s the case.

I slip from under the pink covers and pull a light green sundress from a hanger in my closet. I smooth my hands over my hair, tangled from the rain and Cooper’s fingers last night, and slide on my Chucks, not bothering to untie them.

Ten minutes later, I’m pulling into my parents’ driveway, next to my mom’s Crossover, thankful Dad has left for work. Approaching the midnight blue house I know so well, I let myself in with the keycode on the front door.

“Mom?” I yell once I’ve clicked the door shut behind me.

“Sophie, honey?” Her voice gets louder as she steps into the entryway from the kitchen.

A burst of tears flood out of me, and I choke on my words. “I don’t know what to do, Mom.”

In the next instant, she’s in my space, pulling me into a hug. “Talk to me. What’s going on?” She releases me, guiding us toward the couch in the living room.

I curl into the soft gray cushion, tucking my legs under me before looking at my mom. “Do you think I’m old enough to be in love with someone?”

“Absolutely.” She smiles sadly, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “Are you talking about Cooper?”

I nod.

“I know that you love him.”

“You do?”

She smiles more genuinely this time. “I remember when you were three and Cooper started kindergarten. You were so upset you couldn’t spend the entire day with him anymore. You’d cry all morning and run outside, trying to chase Melissa’s van down the street.”

“I did?”

She nods. “I’d swoop you up and carry you inside and you’d cry his name all morning, completely inconsolable. You were honestly a brat for weeks.” She laughs. “As soon as Cooper came home from school every day, he’d run across his backyard to get to ours, his little hand knocking on the sliding door with that goofy grin of his.” She gives me a sad smile. “One day after the first few weeks of the same routine, Melissa was over for lunch. You tugged on her sweater, looked up at her with those pretty brown eyes of yours and said, ‘Can I live with you now? I think it will make Cooper happy. I will be happy too.’”

I laugh through my tears, wiping at my eyes again. “What did she say?”

She said, “I’m going to remind you that you said that when you’re married and he’s the reason you have never ending laundry.” She laughs again. “You had no idea what she was talking about. But Melissa was convinced even then there was something special between the two of you.”

“Do you think he’s the one? How do you know? Did you think your first husband was the one?”

A mix between a laugh and a sigh leaves my mom. “I was so young when I met Jimmy.”

“You were my age weren’t you?” I interrupt.

“Yeah, I was, but you can’t compare us.”

I scrunch my eyebrows.

“Is that what you’ve been doing, honey? Thinking things with Cooper will end up like they did with Jimmy?”

“Maybe. And Mary,” I admit. “Things don’t work out when you’re that young and you haven’t experienced enough life or . . . I don’t know. I’ve been working on a bucket list. You know, checking things off so I can get whatever experiences I’m supposed to have before I can know what I want or don’t have a chance to do them anymore.”

“Oh, honey. That’s not how it works. There’s not a set path, and every situation is different. I won’t even touch the topic of Mary and your father, but Jimmy and I were so much different than you and Cooper are. We didn’t know each other the way you two do. We thought love could conquer everything and didn’t factor in everything else that is important too.”

“Like what?”

“Well, for starters, it mattered that he wanted to travel the country in a remodeled van, and I didn’t. It mattered that he didn’t want kids, and I did. Honey, I’m not sure there’s a way to guarantee you know if someone is the one. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith, you have to see what happens.”

“Do you think . . . if I do think he’s the one . . . can that be true if I want to do something for me first?”

“I think sometimes you have to love yourself, but that doesn’t mean you love someone else less. It’s not something you can run out of.”

“I’m just not happy, Mom. I love Cooper, but things aren’t working between us. I know part of it’s my fault, just as much as it is his. And I definitely blame Dad a little bit. I think the only way to figure this out is to take some real space, to get an unclouded idea of what’s working and what isn’t. To figure out how to be who I need for me, and who I need to be for him.”

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