Page 92 of Can We Just Be Happy Now?

I’m shocked by the words that come out of her pretty pink lips, but bite back a smile, smirking instead. “You just did.”

I can’t think clearly with her half-naked in front of me, but I know I shouldn’t be here, that neither of us is stable enough to be together. She stares at me, her eyes asking if I’m being for real right now. “I’m serious, Soph. I’m not doing this back-and-forth shit with you anymore. I told you this wouldn’t mean anything.”

“You’re a liar.”

“Fine. I’m a liar, Sophie. Either way it doesn’t matter. We’re not starting a relationship based on you trying to make me jealous with someone else. You have no regard for how that shit affects me.”

“I’m just trying to make you see that you want me, that you’re happier with me! It’s exactly what time and experience has shown us. And you’re still going to walk away?”

“Yes,” I force out, attempting to push her further from me. As much as I love this crazy woman, if I let her back in, she’s going to break me again–I can feel it. I can’t let that happen. The damage of losing her again would be irreparable.

“Seriously? Just like that?” She searches my face.

I pause long enough I worry she’ll see through me. “Just like that.”

She must not know me as well as I thought because she bends to snatch her panties and bra off the ground. “I can’t believe you’re doing this.” She shimmies her underwear on and yanks her dress back in place.

“Can’t you see that we don’t work together?”

“CAN’T YOU SEE THAT I LOVE YOU?”

My heart races, pounding against my chest with an intensity that rivals a mosh pit at a concert; I can hardly focus on sorting through my own thoughts. She’s never said those words before, and she shouldn’t be saying them now, not like this. I scrub my hands down my face wishing it would ease the turmoil I feel.

I don’t realize I haven’t said anything until she speaks again, and I pull my hands from where my fingers are pressed into my eyes. “Cooper. Did you hear me? I said that I love you.” Her voice is far away like an echo from the other end of a slide. My head spins. Knowing that we’ve been in some sort of fucked up love is one thing. Finally hearing her say it out loud is another, and I can’t deal with it. Everything is wrong. She should be whispering it back with a smile on her lips after I’ve told her first. When she’s in my arms and when everything feels right. But it’s all wrong, and I hate myself a little for it happening this way.

Still, I need to focus on everything I hate about us, or she’ll destroy me again. So I don’t say it back, and without another word and without turning back to look at her, I walk out the door.

Chapter fifty-six

COOPER

NOW

Sophie’s bedroom light flicks off only ten minutes after I leave. My car is still parked in Marcus’ driveway as I stare at Sophie’s window replaying her voice screaming I love you over and over in my mind. My hands tug on the short strands of my hair, my eyes closed, head tipped back against my seat. Why am I not in her room right now? Why do I keep pushing her away when she tries to get close again instead of telling her how much I love her too?

Because she keeps leaving. Yeah, she comes back, but it’s always so manipulative.

Because I’m always there for her but what about when I need her? I’m the only one she calls but I’m not the only one in her bed.

Because maybe there’s something to this “first love” thing—it’s called that because there’s more after it. Maybe we’re just the ones we learn from to prepare for the real one. Maybe stories like Mom and Dad are the exception to relationships. Maybe the idea that you should search through your options has been right all along.

The passenger window rattling with three knocks startles me out of my daze.

Marcus peers through the glass, opening the door and sliding into the seat as soon as I hit the unlock switch.

We sit in silence for a moment.

“Did you just get home?”

It occurs to me I’m in nothing but my basketball shorts, having tossed my wet shirt in the backseat.

He nods toward the windshield and I glance to the top of a garage where a little light glows on a camera. “Got a security notification on my way home. Wasn’t expecting to see foreplay going down in the driveway, but if that was any indication of what was going on inside, I wasn’t about to join you.”

I shake my head, too mad to feel any guilt.

“It smells like sex in here.”

With a half-hearted chuckle, I turn to him. “Yeah, you might want to wait another minute before you go inside.”

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