Page 54 of Can We Just Be Happy Now?

I text my dad to let him know we will meet them at the seats and try to think about what snack I want. I run through all the options in my mind in an attempt to keep it off Sophie. She keeps looking at me like she doesn’t know what’s gotten into me.

It’s sex.

I had sex for the first time last week, and now it’s the only thing I can fucking think about. Waiting until Sophie was ready was something I was more than willing to do. But then she broke up with me, and it fucking sucked. I contemplated walking away from her altogether. I did. But I came back. I had to.

I know it’s my fault we are drifting apart. She wasn’t wrong. I’ve been so busy trying to keep up with everything and maintaining a relationship with her would have been a challenge. I could have made it work, though. I’d like to blame my busy schedule, but this has nothing to do with that. As much as I could understand Sophie’s logic, I knew I needed a little time to break my habits with her. Not pulling her into my arms whenever she’s near. Not kissing her sweet lips. Not texting her every morning and hearing her voice every night before I go to sleep. But I can’t lose her forever, so I’m willing to give her whatever she needs, even if I don’t like it. I would do anything for her, but when I realized it was really over for us, I decided there was no reason to hold back from the full college experience I was embracing.

That’s a lie.

That’s my excuse.

What I was really doing was hoping the whole “get over someone by getting under someone else” motto would work. So, I hooked up with a sorority girl who keeps coming to my fraternity’s parties. Would I have rather had that experience with Sophie? Fuck yes. But it is what it is. I’m not going to never have sex because it can’t be with Sophie, and I thought it helped. That was, until I saw her yesterday.

My new problem is now that I know what to expect when it comes to sex, I can’t get my mind off how it would be with Sophie. Someone I care about. Someone I love. Being around the girl I want to do it with most–but can’t–is pure torture. Yesterday we were around our brothers all day, but despite the twenty thousand people around us, without so much of our family here, it feels like this is more intimate time together.

I don’t want to jeopardize the progress we made yesterday. It felt good, like enough time has passed for us to transition back to how we were before we thought being Sophie & Cooper at this time in our life would work out.

Sophie exits the bathroom, and the way she scans the hallway for me in a panic like there’s a chance she won’t find me waiting makes my stomach flip. I can clearly get other girls in my bed, but still, the way I want the one who will never be under my sheets again leaves me a little frustrated. She visibly sighs in relief like she did a few minutes ago when she thought she lost me, and my brain battles between fantasy and reality. She doesn’t want to be with me. Why does it feel like she might, though?

Her pink lips shimmer like she just put her sparkly lipgloss on, and I’m hit with a reminder of how they taste–like Sophie and cotton candy. Jesus Christ, Cooper. Keep it in your fucking pants. I need to rectify this mindset immediately.

“Hey, come with me,” I say, reaching for her soft hands again.

She doesn’t even question me. She just lets me pull her down the hallway. It’s not until I push through an exit door that leads to a stairwell that her brows pull together.

The heavy metal door closes behind us, muffling almost all the chaos on the other side of it.

“What are we doing?”

There’s a stairwell to my left, but there’s no one in sight–only a few echoey voices from at least a few floors down. “It’s too loud to talk out there.”

“Oh, what did you want to talk about?” She sticks her hands in her back pockets and teeters on her heels.

“I wanted to apologize.” I shove my hands into the pocket of my hoodie, feeling awkward, but holding her gaze anyway.

“For what?”

“What I said about your ass in your jeans.”

Her face falls. “You didn’t mean it?”

“I did. You know I’m attracted to you, Soph. More than anyone.” She bites into her lip, reaching to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “But that wasn’t appropriate given our situation.”

“Oh, right. It’s okay,” she says, now running the ends of her hair repeatedly through her thumbs and pointer fingers.

“Not really. I don’t want you to think I’m trying to win you back or something. You made your decision clear, and I want to respect that.”

“So, you don’t want to be with me anymore?” God, she’s confusing. I swear she seems devastated by this as if I was breaking up with her.

“That’s not what I said.”

Her eyes flick back and forth over my face like I spoke a foreign language and she’s trying to decipher my words. Instead of responding, she slams her lips against mine. The last thing I expected causes me to stumble back, breaking the kiss only slightly as she falls into me. Without a second thought, I grip either side of her neck, pulling her lips to mine again. Her lips part enough to let me deepen the kiss.

Cotton fucking candy. She tastes even better than I remember. The way our tongues tangle as they fall into an old routine is comforting. My dick twitches to life. Jesus Christ, I need to get it under control before there’s no turning back. Call me crazy, but this right here might be better than sex. Well, unless that sex was with Sophie. I try to stay in the moment, but I can’t help wondering what this means. I’m spiraling. I should stop her. I should ask what she’s doing. I intend to break the kiss, but she grabs the strings of my hoodie, pulling me closer.

Without opening my eyes, I spin us and press her against the wall, my hands leaving her neck to run under her sweatshirt.

My fingers smoothing across her bare skin.

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