Page 36 of Can We Just Be Happy Now?

I change the subject, overwhelmed by the thoughts swirling in my brain. Will I like these parties? I only have two friends, and that’s more than enough for me. I have no desire to be around strangers, and it’s not like I have the freedom to show up to every party, but will I be able to handle thinking about what could be happening at them if I’m not there?

An hour later, Emily is knocking on the boys’ front door. Troy answers, an instant grin lighting his face. “Hey, girls,” he says, leaning through the doorframe to kiss his girlfriend. The way he looks at her tells me he’s oblivious to the person she really is. I hope I’m never blinded by love like that. If I am, I sure hope someone tells me. I want to say something to Cooper. Maybe he can talk to Troy, but there might be other things I need to talk to Cooper about first.

I can’t stop thinking about how much he might be missing by being with me, not just when we’re physically together. At his slip ‘n slide party, he turned down drinks at least three different times that I saw. I think he’s worried about what I’ll think because I don’t drink, or maybe he was concerned with making sure I’m comfortable. I love him for it, but I can’t help but worry about all the opportunities he might enjoy that he’ll pass up.

Troy is slipping on his white Adidas as Cooper’s 4Runner pulls into the driveway. Coop steps out of his car dressed in jeans and a navy polo. He only wears that outfit if he’s working on real estate stuff with his dad–which he just started a few weeks ago–so that must be where he was. He’s so handsome in professional mode with his light brown hair perfectly in place and his biceps straining against the sleeves of his shirt. Gosh, he’s dreamy. I walk to greet him before he reaches the front door.

“Hey, Soph.” He looks me up and down, taking in my curls and favorite pink sundress to match my new nails. “You look beautiful.”

“You don’t look bad yourself.” I grin.

“Thanks,” he says, kissing my temple as he looks behind me to where Troy and Emily are walking toward us. He slides around me, reaching for his best friend. Their palms slap against each other then the backside of their hands hit on the return. They do some weird jazz hands, sparkle finger thing with their fingertips touching, then Cooper wraps his hand fully around Troy’s head until it locks across his mouth. He kisses him through his hand dramatically. Troy grabs Cooper’s hand, lifting it above his head so Cooper can twirl like a princess. It’s a whole thing.

I’d say I’m weirded out by what’s happening, but this “secret” handshake was created years ago and occurs regularly. I’ve accepted their ridiculousness, but Emily and I both roll our eyes anyway. “Do you even need us for this date?” I tease.

Cooper glances sideways at me then turns his back on his best friend. Linking his arm around my shoulder, he kisses my temple. “You’re the most important part.”

While Cooper runs inside to change, the rest of us get into his car. Not even two minutes later, he slides into the driver’s seat next to me, looking as handsome as ever in the same jeans he had on, his blue polo swapped for the same color button up. Using the entire five minute drive where he’s focused on the road to my advantage, I take him in, thinking about how there’s no way everyone else can’t see what I do.

My parents have taken Dean and me to nice restaurants a few times. We even went once with the Montgomerys to celebrate Dad when he got promoted to lead financial advisor at his company. But even though Mom and Dad can afford it, we tend to go to small, hole in the wall places more often. Regardless, this fancy restaurant on a date is a totally different experience.

“Thank you,” I tell Cooper as he pulls my black leather chair out, and I slide into my seat at the white linen lined table. There’s way more silverware on the table than seems necessary, and the cups for water look like wine glasses.

“You’re welcome.” He kisses the side of my head before taking the seat next to me as Emily and Troy sit across from us.

“It’s so nice here, Coop,” I whisper, insecurity seeping in. Low yellow lights glow over a dozen well-spaced tables. Each holds a woman much older than I am sharing intimate moments with her man. As excited as I was for my first real date, I’m not sure I deserve all the stops to be pulled like this. I feel like I’ve been dropped inside a random page of a book–completely out of place.

“I’m glad you think so. I want to give you all the nice things, Soph,” he says effortlessly, like he wouldn’t hesitate to give me the world if he could. I should be swooning, overcome with a rush of emotion–but all I feel is guilt. He grins and presses a soft kiss to my lips before reaching for his menu. I hesitantly reach for mine, Emily’s words running through my head for the hundredth time since she said them earlier today.

College sounds . . . wild. Wild isn’t me, but it sounds perfect for Cooper. He loves big crowds, he loves people in real life. I’ve heard him and Troy brag about how good they are at beer pong and flip cup and whatever other games they played when Cooper visited Troy his first year of college.

This entire time I’ve been thinking about how Troy and Emily aren’t anything alike, but maybe it’s actually Cooper and I who don’t have enough in common. What if I stay the girl hiding in her bedroom to get lost in a fake world instead of the real one? The girl who would rather skate down the street to the park than show up to a party. The one who would rather play cornhole in my backyard with my family than beer pong in a fraternity house. How can that be enough for him?

Setting our drinks in front of us, the waiter addresses me first. “Are you ready to order?”

“Yes. I’ll have the fettuccine alfredo, please.” Cooper’s hand squeezes my thigh as I hand the waiter my menu. His thumb rubs across my skin, sending chills through me. I force a smile, wishing we were alone so maybe I could talk to him about how I’m feeling.

“Is everything okay?” Cooper whispers, leaning toward me so only I can hear him. How does he know? This is exactly what I’m talking about, though. Somehow, he’s so in tune with me. He’s spent his entire life around me, learning me better than anyone and now that we are together, it’s only going to become more of a distraction. How is he going to keep up with everything in college on top of me?

“How would you like your steak cooked?” The waiter talking to Emily draws my attention, maybe because I’m subconsciously trying to avoid Cooper’s question.

“Medium rare, like it’s supposed to be cooked, obviously,” she snips. Wow, that was rude. With wide eyes, I turn back to Cooper, curious if he’s on the same page, but he’s already got an eyebrow raised at Troy. Cooper’s mouth opens like he’s going to ruin the mood with our shared opinion, so I lightly squeeze his hand on my thigh–a silent signal to take a breath. Troy shrugs off his best friend’s suggestive reaction, giving his order politely. Cooper sighs, his hand squeezing my leg tighter. Letting it go, he takes his turn.

As soon as the waiter walks away, the conversation jumps to a discussion about the fraternity, my spiraling thoughts finding their way right back into my mind, and Cooper’s concern for me all but forgotten. I love that he’s thinking about me more often than not and always concerned for my happiness, but he looks so happy right now. His face is lit up as he and Troy joke about some of the guys and Troy tells him what to expect during rush week. Emily chimes in a few times as I sit there wondering what it would be like to be a part of that world and how much I’d have to force myself into it.

Chapter twenty

SOPHIE

THEN

Darius Rucker’s twang flows through the small speaker on my kitchen counter when I enter, but his usually soothing voice did nothing to ease the anxious thoughts ricocheting around my head and heart. Every day since the slip ‘n slide party, since the Fourth of July, since I talked to Emily, more and more doubt seeps in. It’s nothing Cooper has done. He’s perfect. I think I might even love him. I’m not sure if it’s too soon or if I’m too young to feel that way, but it’s the reason I feel pulled toward my decision. If I love him, I should do what's best for him, right?

“Sophie?” my dad calls from the dining room.

“Yeah?” I answer with a heavy sigh, peeking my head around the corner.

He scans my face. “Oh, pumpkin. What’s wrong?” He sets down the newspaper he’s reading and taps the cushion on the dining chair next to him.

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