Page 9 of Can We Just Be Happy Now?

His hoodie strings drop against his sweatshirt when he releases them to cautiously rest his hand on the nape of my neck. His touch feels both unfamiliar and comforting at the same time, my skin heating as chills take over. Like when you have a fever and are simultaneously too hot and freezing.

On occasion, when we are watching movies, I’ll rest my head on his shoulder. We hug regularly. Sometimes he drapes his arm around my shoulder as we walk into school. Nothing that’s a big deal. Nothing as intimate as this. I hold a bated breath, waiting for whatever happens next.

“Lately, I don’t know.” Nerves etch into his features as his eyes shift across my face. Lack of confidence is rare for him. He takes another deep breath then the words come out rushed. “Sometimes I get an urge to kiss you, and it takes a lot not to just do it.”

He’s so close his scent overwhelms me, the spiced apple cider comforting me like a blanket and a good book at Christmas. I’m tempted to see if he tastes as good as he smells, knowing he just ate the cupcake I brought him. His eyes continue to flicker back and forth across my face, waiting for my reaction.

My heart rate would surely set off an alarm if I was attached to a machine. My hands sweat against the fabric of my sundress. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never kissed anyone before. And Cooper isn’t just anyone. He’s my person too. My only good friend besides Chastity. I can’t risk that for a kiss. What if I suck? How could we pretend it never happened?

“I’m sorry, I have to go back inside. My mom is waiting for me,” I say quietly and watch him deflate before I pull away from his hold, standing to leave.

“Fuck.” He mumbles the curse as I walk away, and I picture him running his hands through his light brown hair, the way he does when he’s stressed. I debate turning around, but I don’t look back.

Chapter five

COOPER

NOW

Cooper, 21; Sophie, 18

Pulling the casserole dish filled with sweet potatoes from the oven, my mouth waters at the layer of bubbling marshmallows on top. I walk it to the living room, setting the dish on the only uncovered hot pad on the round poker table–also known as the “kids table” even though we’re all adults now. It's covered by Mom’s fancy white linen and an excessive amount of traditional Thanksgiving food.

Our nearest extended family lives four hours away, and Sophie’s family doesn’t have any on the West Coast, so ever since our parents moved next door to each other and became best friends, we celebrate everything together. It’s always made a holiday that could be underwhelming something to look forward to. But today, I’m not looking forward to my favorite day of the year. I don’t care about the football pool we drew up this morning. Or the annual spiked apple cider Mom made. I’m hardly excited to see my brother, Carter, for the first time this year. My brain is stuck on one track–one that loops around the memory of my interaction with Sophie at the bar three days ago. Part of me doesn’t want to see her. The other part can’t wait until she’s near me again. Fuck, I miss her.

“Cooper!” Dad calls from across the living room.

Grabbing my drink off the table, I approach where he’s standing with Sophie’s dad, Jack, each with a beer in their hand. Jack has been here since 9 a.m. drinking beer and watching the football pregame show. Sophie’s mom showed up even earlier, helping Mom prepare dinner like they do every year. Her brother, Dean, came over early too. He played basketball in the driveway all morning with Carter, Troy and me. But it’s almost time to eat–we are dinner at noon on Thanksgiving people–and I still haven’t seen Sophie.

“What’s up?”

“Tell Jack everything we went over last week,” Dad insists. “About outsourcing.”

“Yeah, we hired someone from the Philippines as a virtual assistant.” Dad takes a sip of his beer, tuning out. I shift toward Jack, proud of this change that I convinced Dad we needed to make for productivity and higher profits in his real estate business. “Outsourcing our graphic design and marketing work to her will save us a ton in payroll expenses. Not to mention, it’ll free up our agents to sell more homes.”

“Reasonable given the market. Especially from the financial perspective. You researched that and made it happen on your own?” Don’t act surprised.

“Yup.” I take a swig of my beer. I’ve felt so much pressure to convince Dad I’ll be a good fit for the family business. I’ve done way more research than I normally would for something. “Just wait until I’m an agent.”

I catch the dismissive look from Jack before he gets Dad’s attention again. “Looks like next year will be a big year for you, Mike.”

“Prepared for it to be the best yet. Cooper has done a ton in terms of streamlining our processes. He’s already an invaluable asset to our team.”

A knock rattles against the front door, my body immediately tensing. Mom passes us on her way to answer it. “Stop talking shop,” she says over her shoulder as she reaches for the knob. “Time to eat, everyone!” she yells to no one in particular as she welcomes the final guest.

Sophie’s sweet voice greets Mom from the other side of the door. I take a breath, thankful for the out of this conversation. I feel Jack’s eyes on me as I walk away but ignore both him and his daughter’s arrival as I scan the table.

Carter has already taken his seat next to Troy. Dean slides into his place next to Carter, leaving two empty spots next to each other between him and Troy. My only option is to sit next to Sophie. Of fucking course, I internally curse, even though this has been my seat at Thanksgiving dinner every year since Troy moved in. The thought of being so close to her in an intimate setting feels almost paralyzing today. If things hadn’t ended between us, I’d be able to keep my hand locked on her thigh while we ate, rubbing my thumb across the skin below the hem of her dress, letting her know how thankful I am for her. I’d be able to sneak a few kisses between dinner and dessert, pinning her to the wall in the hallway. And she’d curl up to me on the couch to watch the game after we ate.

But as we simultaneously and hesitantly slip into our seats, my closeness to Sophie in her perfectly fitting maroon dress has me conflicted. I’m equally broken by her and attracted to her. I don’t want to let go, but it doesn’t seem like she wants me to hold on.

I’m so lost in the battle in my head that I don’t notice the usual upbeat chatter is nowhere to be found until Carter breaks the silence. “What the hell is going on around here? Y'all are sad sacks.” He raises his eyebrows in confused acknowledgment of the mood. “Troy, it’s been like three months since you and Emily broke up. It’s time to let it go, man.” Troy shoots him a death glare, and my brother rolls his eyes before directing his attention to Dean. “And what’s up with you? Word on the street is you finally got yourself a girlfriend. You should be happier than all of us right now.”

“Yeah, she seems nice,” I add in an attempt to keep Carter’s interrogation away from Sophie and me.

“You have a girlfriend?” Sophie’s curiosity gets the best of her, and she breaks her silent treatment to me when she turns and adds, “You met her?” She’s confused like this is the first time she’s heard about Maci. Then again, she was preoccupied with JT the jerk when Dean introduced me at the football game a few days ago.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Dean mumbles then chugs his whole beer like it’s a lifeline distraction for whatever turmoil is rolling around in his head. He could have fooled me with the way he was looking at her like she single-handedly makes his world spin. I could see that despite being in a rage over learning about Sophie’s boyfriend.

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