Page 39 of Can We Just Be Happy Now?

I feel like I’m attempting long division in my head with how confused I am. “The same as what?”

“I want you to get the full experience of college, whatever that means. I know you, Coop. You’ll come over on Thursday nights even if there’s something going on on campus. You’ll lose sleep making sure you have time for me on top of other responsibilities. You’ll hold back at parties to make sure I feel comfortable with you being surrounded by college girls. I don’t want that for you.”

“So, you’re breaking up with me because I’m a good boyfriend?” I can’t believe this shit.

“No, I’m breaking up with you because I’m trying to be a good friend. I just want what’s best for you, Cooper.” The way her voice cracks on my name is what finally sets reality in like an ambulance showing up to a car crash. “I don’t want you to feel like you missed out. I don’t want you to resent me down the road.”

“I could never resent you. Sophie, you’re my favorite person.” I can hear the panic in my voice as my brain scrambles to process. “How could you think I’ll be missing out with you when all I’d be doing without you is missing you?”

“I know you don’t understand now, but I think this is the best thing for you–for us.”

“You’re right, I don’t understand. What the fuck, Sophie?” I run my hands down my face, stabbing my fingers in my eyes in frustration.

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” I scoff. “Why wouldn’t we at least try and see how it goes?”

“I know it’ll be too hard. Plus,” she lowers her voice, “everyone around you will be having sex, and I’m not ready for that.”

My fingernails dig into my palms almost hard enough to break through my skin. “I don’t give a shit about that, Sophie. Do you know me at all?”

“Well, it’ll happen eventually and when it does it will make it harder when we inevitably break up. I think it’s best we call it before we get in too deep, you know?” I can’t tell if she is lying to me or if she truly feels this way.

“Is that what you think about this, about us?” Her words make me sick, the sudden whiff of french fry grease heightening my nausea. Is this how she’s felt the entire time? Like this is just something to pass the time between school years?

Chapter twenty-two

COOPER

NOW

Cooper, 21; Sophie, 18

“Are you sure Sophie won’t be here?” Troy asks for the third time as we slam his car doors and make our way through the darkness toward Dean and Marcus’ backyard. She tried coming over after JT left her house the other day, but I brushed her off. If whatever she had to say was really that important, she would have made JT wait, not me. She wouldn’t have had him over in the first place. She definitely wouldn’t have kissed him. I was still tempted to talk to her after, but I was too torn between wanting to call her out and hoping she’d clear up a misunderstanding. In the end, I decided if she wasn’t putting in more effort to prove me wrong, the answer I’d get isn’t one I’d be happy with, so I’ve been trying to distract myself the past couple of weeks.

“I doubt she’d show up. Dean has a sweet and innocent view of his sister, and she likes it that way, so she won’t party around him.” I give him a more elaborate answer so maybe he’ll believe me this time. I slide my hands into the pocket of my black hoodie, hoping to reduce some of the bite from the freezing December air, the gravel driveway crunching under my Nikes until we reach the grass.

“Well, that works out for us. Maybe you’ll actually have a good time tonight without worrying about her. Hell, maybe you’ll meet someone new–and actually use her number this time.” I know he’s throwing the same advice I gave him back in my face, but it feels way easier to dish it out than to hear it directed at you.

“Doubt it. It’s always the same people.” I groan. We veer around the side of the house, following the sound of crackling flames toward a bonfire so big it lights our path from a couple hundred feet away.

Before Troy has a chance to toss more words of wisdom my way, Marcus stops in front of us, a full, red Solo cup in his hand. “Hey, Troy. Coop.” Even from this distance, the fire lights him from the side, his well-built frame and man bun casting a shadow on the grass.

“Hey, man,” Troy and I say in unison. Marcus has been best friends with Dean since we were kids. They got this house near campus together and outside of the fraternity house, most of the parties we attend are here. They have a big, secluded backyard and a killer bonfire pit.

“Big turnout tonight,” Troy says. I’m surprised I don’t recognize many people.

“Yeah, it seems no one left for winter break this year, and I think Dean’s girl brought friends again.”

Troy smacks the back of his hand against my arm. My eye roll ends with a death glare. We’ve had the same friends forever. Chances are I’ve had access to all these people before, and if I didn’t hit it off with them in the past, I doubt I will now.

“Oh yeah, I heard he’s with someone,” Troy comments. “Weird as shit. I’ve never known him to have a girlfriend.”

Marcus chuckles. “Yeah, it’s strange. But they’re great together. We’ll see what happens.” His words trail off with the same distress I recall Dean having on Thanksgiving. There’s definitely something happening inside that circle we don’t know about.

“Well, good to see you, man. We’re gonna get some drinks.”

“Sounds good. I’ll catch up with you in a bit.” Marcus waves, taking off down the grassy hill.

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