Page 115 of Can We Just Be Happy Now?

“I know, and I love you for that. Part of it is my fault because I’ve always counted on you to remain my safe place even after I try to burn it down. But we need to grow together. And that means sometimes I need to learn how to do things on my own before you step in. My happiness is too much to be responsible for on your own.”

“I’ll always be your safe place.”

“And I’ll do my part to keep it that way too. I’m sure we’ll always find something to disagree on or argue about. I know you’ll always be on my team. But it makes a difference if I show up with a match or a cupcake. I want to be your safe place too, Coop. And to do that, I know I need to find my own peace again–to be happy in my own space so I can bring it into our space. You deserve the best version of me–a happy version of me. Not the one who is off making stupid decisions because she is listening to someone else's words instead of her own heart. So, I’m making a plan to fall in love with the things that bring me the most joy again.”

“Like what?”

“Honestly, what I was doing before. Trying new things made me so much more thankful for hobbies I took for granted. Reading, drawing sketches, skateboarding. I might keep pole dancing, though.” She smiles so wide it’s contagious.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. But most of all, I want to fall in love with you all over again.”

I squeeze her to me by my grip on her lower back, her eyes full of the adoration for me that maybe I’ve been taking for granted. “I’m sorry I was part of the force trying to control your life and decisions. It kills me to think I could have taken this away from you.”

She kisses me once on the lips then lets me continue.

“I was so scared of losing you as my person that I made decisions that undermined our potential to be more. I hope you’ll forgive me for that.”

She nods.

“We can do this.”

“Yes, we–oh shoot.” Sophie tugs away from my grip and reaches for the wooden spoon on the counter, stirring the water and catching the pot from overflowing just in time.

I chuckle. There’s a downside to not seeing anything but her when she’s around. “What are you making?” I ask even though I can see the spaghetti noodles swirling in the bubbles.

“Something I made up.” She grins and I raise an eyebrow.

“Sophie, baby, I love you,” the words flow effortlessly, “But you don’t cook.”

“Hey, that’s rude! It’s going to be good. I promise.” She pinches the noodle she spooned out of the water between her fingers, blowing on it. I intercept it on its way to her mouth, biting it away from her.

“Double rude,” she teases, spooning out another noodle to test. “Go away, I’m busy, and you’re bothering me.”

I chuckle, hopping to sit on the island counter to watch her work. She rolls her eyes as she grabs either side of the pot with hot pads and dumps it into the strainer in the sink. She returns the noodles to the pot and makes her way around the kitchen like it’s her own.

Assuming she’s just making spaghetti, I expect a jar of sauce to come out of the pantry cupboard. Instead, she opens the fridge, pulling out a carton of eggs. I keep my questions to myself as I observe her cracking four eggs right into the pot of spaghetti. She mixes them in before she sprinkles salt and pepper, a handful of shredded cheese in along with small chunks of cream cheese she apparently pre-cut. Jesus Christ, what is she doing? I chuckle and she ignores me, stirring her creation until she’s satisfied.

She spoons the mixture into two bowls and tops it off with crumbled bacon. She must have made that while I was sleeping too. Handing me a bowl, she reaches into the drawer beneath me for a fork and sticks it into the noodles. “You’re welcome.” She’s never cooked for me before and the way pride splashes across her face with her smile makes me hope this isn’t the last time, even if whatever this is tastes like shit.

“What exactly am I thanking you for?” I laugh, twisting a chunk of stuck together pasta with my fork.

“It’s breakfast spaghetti. Duh, Cooper.”

“I thought you made this up?”

“I did.”

“Then how was I supposed to know what it was?” I chuckle before shoving the bite in my mouth.

Sophie shrugs, her look encouraging me to eat. I chew a few times then stare into the eggy cheesy noodles in my bowl.

Before I’ve even revealed a sliver of emotion, a grin breaks out on her face. “It’s so good, huh? I can tell you love it. I created it with you in mind.”

I consider teasing her, but I don’t have it in me to break the smile I’ve been missing so much even for a second. “It’s great, Soph. Thank you.” Even better than dinner is knowing how much I’m ingrained into her thoughts and actions even when we’re apart.

Chapter sixty-nine

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