Page 114 of Can We Just Be Happy Now?

The soft twang of Darius Rucker’s voice sings from the kitchen and instant relief rushes through me. I slide off my bed, slowly making my way down the hall. Leaning against the fridge, I take in the scene in front of me.

Sophie sits on the kitchen island, watching a pot of water boiling on the stove. She’s barefoot, in nothing but one of my sweatshirts, her feet dangling beneath her as she sways to the song, singing along quietly.

She slips off the counter, stirring whatever is in the pot. The silence between songs reveals my breath and she spins slowly, a smile lighting her face at the sight of me.

I don’t waste any more time with space between us, taking a few steps until I’m in front of her and pulling the wooden spoon from her hand to set it on the counter beside us. Her hands immediately loop around my neck, her fingers running through the back of my hair, the smile in her eyes matching the one on her face.

Slipping under the sweatshirt she’s wearing, my hands smooth slowly from her thighs to her hips, skimming over the lace in between. I tug her closer, locking my arms around her at the same moment my lips touch hers. Even though we kissed a few hours ago, the softness of her mouth against mine, the smile I feel as she pulls me closer too, makes it feel like a first kiss—full of the promise that comes with new beginnings.

“I missed you,” I whisper against her lips.

“Me too. I went to Costa Rica.”

My brows scrunch. “You did? When?”

“The past two weeks. I got back a couple of days ago.”

“How was it?”

“It was good . . .”

“Why do you sound unsure?”

“I just . . . I realized how unhappy I was.”

“With me?” My heart rate triples, worried we aren’t on the same page right now.

“No.” She squeezes me tighter, reassuring me as she finds her words and breathes in deep. “After we broke up the summer before I started college, I tried to escape everything happening in my own head by trying new things, completing my bucket list. I thought my dad was right. That finding the things I love would only come from experiencing what's not meant for me too.”

“That tracks.” My laugh comes out heavier than I intend. I feel like I missed too much of her, of us, because of her dad and his stupid logic and both of us listening to it.

“I was so unhappy forcing myself to do things I didn’t really want to, at least not all the time. Like drinking, partying . . . other guys,” she adds in a whisper. “And you know what I realized?”

I rub my thumb across the bare skin on her back under my sweatshirt, letting her know she’s safe to continue.

“When you’re sad, even the things you love are tainted. When you’re miserable, everything seems worse. Things you enjoy aren’t enjoyable because you’re consumed by being so out of alignment. It’s confusing. I told myself I couldn’t possibly know what I truly love yet because my dad said so. I loved you, Coop. But I didn’t always treat you like it. I made poor choices that made me unhappy then spiraled into a version of myself that was hardly capable of soaking in the moments I actually wanted to be present for. I kept doubting myself, that I could know that it was true without contingencies–only once I was a certain age. Once I experienced a certain number of things–or people. That wasn’t fair to you, and I’m so sorry.” She pauses, searching my face.

“You said loved.”

“Huh?”

“You said you loved me.”

She twists my hair at the nape of my neck through her fingers, smiling. “I was just stating that I did. In case there were doubts, ones that would have been justified. I did love you. I do love you. I’ll always love you. You’re it for me, Coop. My heart has always known that even if my brain wasn’t always on board.”

I breathe out a sigh of relief. “So, we’re on the same page now? We’re doing this?”

She nods. “But I want us to be different this time.”

“What do you need from me?” If she’s committed to making some changes, I am too.

“I need you to trust me.”

“I–”

She pulls a hand from my neck and presses a finger to my lips. “I need you to believe that I’m always going to try my best when it comes to you. And I need you to come to me if you’re doubting me at all and give me a chance to course correct before you get upset. I take full responsibility for not always being good to you, Coop. I did a lot of stupid things thinking jealousy would bring you back. But I also genuinely thought some of my choices would bring you back. If I get off course, I want you to help me. I want to learn together. I want all of this together.”

“Deep down, I think I knew you were never trying to intentionally hurt me. I just felt like I knew what was best for you and got frustrated when you didn’t seem to agree. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, Soph. I want to be the guy–the only guy–who knows what you need before you do so I can give it to you.” Even with the new information I have about my parents almost getting divorced when I was a kid, it's so clear how in tune they are with each other. My dad always knows how to cheer up Mom and how to solve her problems. I want to be that for Sophie.

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