Page 108 of Can We Just Be Happy Now?

“Look at me,” she demands. “What is happening?”

I refuse to obey her command but answer her question. “You know this is how it has to be, Soph. It’s exactly like last time–just the reverse. It’s your turn to experience college the way you let me.”

“But I’m going to be there with you.” Her other hand reaches for me and her grip on my face forces me to look at her. Shades of shadow cover her, faint lights only coming from a window toward the front of the winery to my right and the twinkle lights around the corner on the left. “You’re being insane. This makes no sense.”

My eyes are glazed over, unable to focus on her. If I do, I can’t do this. I can’t watch her heart break even if we both know this is what’s for the best. “Cooper!” She waves her hand in front of my face, but it might as well be invisible.

My silence is interrupted by Sophie’s lips crashing into mine. She’s forceful–enough for me to let her in. I taste salt and for a moment I wonder if they are my tears. Gripping her shoulders I press her away, breaking our connection. Wet lines streak her face, fresh tears following the paths carved out for them.

“We aren’t breaking up.” She’s practically begging me.

“Yes.” I pause. “We are.” The bitterness of the words I was told to say just a couple days ago by her father completely overtake the sweet taste of her on my lips. This isn’t just Jack speaking, though. His request was practically endorsed by both Chastity and Sophie–Sophie’s lack of response and actions a few days ago being a tipping point. It’s been bothering me ever since. Even if I could look past it, I love her enough that if she could find happiness elsewhere, I’m willing to give her that.

“No, we aren’t,” she says with a mix of anger and panic in her voice.

“Christ, Sophie, don’t make this harder than it has to be.” I turn out of her grasp. “You made the choice for me, and it was the right one. I’m doing the same for you.”

She storms in front of me. “So, this is revenge for me breaking up with you two years ago?” The hostility in her voice has removed every other emotion from it.

“No, of course it’s not.” My eyes shift across her face. She’s standing in front of me like she’s torn if she should take a step closer or back away. “I’ve known you forever. Don’t you think I know you well enough to know what you want by now?”

“You really believe this is what I want?”

“You might not see it now, but deep down, yes. You know how hard this decision is. Please don’t make it harder,” I beg. Even if this is what needs to be done, it still fucking sucks.

“Cooper,” she cries, reaching for me. It takes every bit of strength I have to step away from her grasp. “Why are you doing this? Is it Ian? I promise there’s nothing between us. I’ve never seen him as more than a friend.”

“This isn’t about him. It’s about you. You need to experience college the way it’s meant to.”

“Cooper!” she raises her voice. “We are literally at a party celebrating a love that started IN COLLEGE.”

“It doesn’t matter. The exception isn’t a rule.”

“We had sex less than a week ago!” Her volume makes my eyes flash toward the party, hoping no one heard her. The sounds of the event enter my awareness, but I don’t see a single person. “You made me wait forever, claiming it was something special. Now you’re going to act like it’s not a big deal?!” Her words barely make it out through her sobs.

I focus back on her beautiful, broken face, the pressure on my chest making it hard to breathe. “I’m sorry.” The reasoning that has been burrowing its way in now feels set in stone, the rocks in my lungs unmoveable.

“We just had sex,” she cries again like I didn’t hear her the first time. Fuck, it hurts–thinking about her being with anyone else, about how getting that part of Sophie was everything I had been waiting for and now it might never happen again. I would have never slept with her if I knew this is where we’d end up. But I’m better off making the break now than suffering through it later.

“Why delay the inevitable?” She needs to understand this is how it’s supposed to be. “I won’t be the only person you sleep with, Sophie. Just like you aren’t the only girl I’ve fucked.”

Fuck. My words nearly knock the wind out of me as they thump against my chest, but the blow they serve to Sophie is harder. More tears immediately spring to her eyes. She opens her mouth to say something but clamps it shut, choking on a sob instead. I try to take the words back, but she spins out of reach so quickly, running to the back of the building, leaving me standing there.

My fist slams into the wood, screaming in pain as a sliver of wood lodges into my skin–just like I deserve.

Chapter sixty-five

COOPER

THEN

Staring at the dust collecting on my popcorn ceiling, I wonder who the fuck was dumb enough to invent something so stupid. How the fuck would I even clean that? Not that I would. God, I hate everything right now. I dipped out of the party the second I loaded the last box of decorations into Dad’s car. I kept myself busy, avoiding everyone, but I didn’t miss Jack’s sly smirk as he led a crying Sophie to the car. Every moment since, I’ve been at war with myself about whether this is the wrong choice. Once I got home, I knew it was and tried to take back the words I said to Sophie.

I’ve called her a dozen times. Texted her ten times that amount. I rip my phone off the nightstand, opening our text thread, pages of blue bubbles staring back at me. I can’t fucking do this. I can feel that she’s not here, that she’s slipping away, that she’s not mine. It’s killing me. I didn’t even give her a chance. I let Chastity manipulate her thoughts the way Jack did mine. And then I broke her with my own words. “I’m going to fix this,” I mumble to myself. I can’t be without her, and once I apologize, I know she’ll feel the same.

It’s nearly midnight by the time I pull into the Porter’s driveway after I spent twenty minutes circling the block. I know I shouldn’t be here, that I should wait until morning or until I have a clear head or not care what Jack thinks at all. But I can’t do any of those things because I can’t go another second with Sophie believing she’s not the one for me, that I don’t need her more than anything else–despite anything else. That I made a mistake and that I can give her every experience she wants and needs.

The motion activated light kicks on as I approach the porch. My fist slams against the front door repeatedly, and I know he can see my face on his security camera. I don’t stop knocking until the door swings open, Jack standing there in plaid pajama bottoms and a T-shirt. Diane stands at the bottom of the stairs taking in the scene.

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